I first reported the development of a Smurfs movie a couple months ago, a planned live-action/CGI mix a lá Alvin and the Chipmunks (or Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakwel).  Today, bat-like EW correspondent Michael Ausiello uncovered some more news about the plot from a casting call, and it doesn’t sound at all like the Smurfs I remember.  Here are the roles being cast:

SOPHIE: A pre-teen girl who possesses enormous smarts and great imagination, but who is socially and physically clumsy. She discovers that the doll her dad brought home from Belgium is actually a living, breathing Smurf. And not just any Smurf — Clumsy Smurf! Sophie tries to get her mom and dad to embrace Clumsy as a member of the family, but ultimately realizes what he really wants is to reunite with his fellow Smurfs.

SAM: Sophie’s 15-year-old brother. He’s a good kid, but has a tendency to be difficult and withdrawn. He gets involved in helping Clumsy return home and, as a result, bonds with his sister.

What the hell?  So instead of Smurf village we get two special-needs retards and E.T.?  Unless they cast Charley the Retarded Cat as Sophie and include a dance party scene set in McDonald’s, I’m not interested.  (But seriously though, a cat with poor motor skills plus a Smurf plus a dance party at McDonald’s?  This needs to happen).

Now that they’ve literally greenlit a gum wrapper from the 50s, there isn’t much they could make into a movie that would surprise me.  Today’s news is that Sony’s 3D, Alvin and the Chipmunks-style Smurfs movie (which everyone had forgotten about and that’s why this is news) has a release date.

Smurfs 3D is scheduled for a December 17, 2010 release. The Colin Brady-directed film was written by David Stem and David Weiss. [ComingSoon]

Hey, remember how Smurf Village only had one chick?  That’s probably why the Smurfs always had BLUE BALLS!  Hey, and what’s the deal with airline food?