Hey, remember I Hate Valentine’s Day? How could you forget, it opened on three screens.  Here’s the trailer and my original description:

Nia Vardalos is back, writing, directing, and starring in the new romantic comedy I Hate Valentines Day, which promises to be the Citizen Kane of Kate Hudson turd ripoffs.  Vardalos plays a strong, sassy know-it-all New Yorker who doesn’t believe in love and sucks at acting.  The voice of TGI Friday’s plays Joe Regular, the average schlubnik trying in vain to win her heart by being adorably boring.   But after a few dates (*RECORD SCRATCH*) could it be SHE who’s falling for HE??  I’d rather slam my nuts in a car door than find out!

Sounds great, right?  Sadly, as GordonandtheWhale discovered, it seems poor Nia has yet again become the victim of a vast sexist conspiracy.  Damn you, patriarchal society!  You just can’t stand to see a terrible actress succeed!

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Nia Vardalos wants to promote her new movie, My Life in Ruins, but she’s having a hard time of it because men hate seeing women succeed.  Why, just listen to this unsubstantiated rumor about what an anonymous man said to her:

Lately, I’ve been in meetings regarding a new script idea I have. A studio executive asked me to change the female lead to a male, because… “women don’t go to movies.”  When I pointed out the box office successes of Sex and The City, Mamma Mia, and Obsessed, [she studiously avoids mentioning the most obvious example, the female-led, female-written, female-directed Twilight, for some reason]. he called them “flukes.” He said “don’t quote me on this.” So, I’m telling everybody.

Telling everybody… without mentioning the guy’s name!  She’s sacrificing her career on behalf of women everywhere!  Girl power!

I’m in a new movie, My Life In Ruins, out in theaters now. It’s a small indie, that was picked up for distribution by a studio (thank you Fox Searchlight.) We’re in one-third, maybe less, about one-quarter of the amount of screens of the big movies…yet we made it into the Top Ten [with a not-that-great $2769 per-theater average].  …My Life In Ruins is the highest testing movie in Fox Searchlight history so we’ve been given a chance. And, the theater owners said they’ll keep the movie in their theaters if people go. [HuffingtonPost via CinemaBlend]

Highest testing movie in Fox Searchlight History?  You mean your movie that’s tracking 13% on rottentomatoes?  The one from the same studio as The Wrestler, Slumdog Millionaire, Juno, Little Miss Sunshine, Sideways, and Super Troopers?  That movie?  This conspiracy must go all the way to the top.  I bet no one wants to see her succeed because she’s so sassy and female and sort of ethnic.

I couldn’t tell you how many middle-aged people told me “Oh my God, you have to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding, it’s so funny!” a few years ago. If you ever hear the same thing, take it from me, do not see it.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of one of those bad comedians who’s convinced they’re unique.  “You’ll never believe what my mother said the other day, she’s sooo crazy!  Hey, have I told you I’m half German and half Hispanic?  That’s why I’m in therapy!”

Anyway, this is the trailer for MBFGW-writer/star Nia Vardalos’ follow up, My Life in Ruins.  She goes to Greece to regain her mojo, or ‘kefi’, as the Greeks call it.  I’m not sure what else it’s about or who else is in it because I just stabbed my laptop in the face.

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