Yo yo yo, word up to Rita Wilson, y’all, our boy Chet Haze just dropped a new single. Our favorite rapping rich son of an Oscar-winning actor has just released “Finest Girl,” which his manager, Briggs Goldberg (I like to imagine him as a rich Jewish kid with a gold grill that says “BRIGGS” in diamonds on his teeth) describes as:

“This video shows that Chet is truly a dynamic young artist.  Taking ‘Pop’ to new levels of excitement, ‘Finest Girl’ is sure to resonate with people who appreciate great music!” – Chet’s Manager, Briggs Goldberg, Kinetik Entertainment

Those sarcasty quotes around “Pop” was probably completely accidental, and yet perfectly accurate. Sample verse:

All I remember, is goin to the club, out on the floor, that’s where I fell in love… with you (with you, with you…)
A queen for kings to dream for two…

Pretty standard. Though I’m really sad he didn’t start it with “Yo, CHP! Let’s kick it!” (The CHP would stand for Chet Haze Posse, obviously). I’m wary of making too much fun of Chet Haze, because he provides me with endless entertainment (seriously, check out his Reddit account comments). He’s priceless, and it only works because he’s so incredibly earnest. Pure, dumb earnestness like this is rare, and it’s the life blood of the internet. In a world of irony and self-doubt, I want to mash fratboy rapper Chet Haze’s simpleton bravado into a gravy and sop it up with a biscuit, oh God it’s delicious. Now it’s running down my chin. Quick, hand me that do rag.

Read the rest of this entry »

This video for “Bad Motherf*cker” by Biting Elbows is a pretty simple concept – basically applying the first-person shooter videogame format to a modestly-budgeted live-action video – and yet… it’s pretty damned awesome. I can’t remember the last time I felt the need to watch a music video all the way to the end. -Vince

Morning Links
A GIF Guide To Picking Your Favorite ‘Spring Breaker’ |UPROXX|

Most Memorable Animal Appearances On ‘Archer’ |Warming Glow|

Here’s FilmDrunk, represented at the Atlanta Film Festival. With special thanks to Matt Reynolds and The Great Chicken Wing Hunt.

‘Dead’ deer wakes up in car, runs from cops |Film Drunk|

Vince McMahon And Dana White Are Definitely Probably Not Going To Fake Fight For Real |With Leather|

The Best (Dumbest) Nerd-Themed ‘YouTube Reacts’ Videos |Gamma Squad|

A Journalist’s Guide To Being The Subject Of A Feature Interview |Smoking Section|

Eli Manning Always Wanted A Spinning Bedroom |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

The 10 Best Terrible Music Dubs |College Humor|

The NBA Fan’s Guide to March Madness |Grantland|

Historical photos chock-full of facts |The Chive|

The 7 Things We Learned From Tina Fey’s Episode of Inside the Actors Studio |Vulture|

11 Snazzy Chicken Coops for Backyard Poultry Farmers |Mental Floss|

Bill & Ted & Lincoln’s Excellent Adventure |Clip Nation|

Why Comedians Don’t Give A F*ck If You’re Offended |HuffPost Comedy|

5 Reasons Why Katie Holmes’ Divorce From Tom Cruise Was Awesome |Giant Life|

11 Actors Who Are Much Better Looking Out Of Character |Pajiba|

Zelda’s Rupees as Actual Bills |Unreality|

Even In an Intense Dance-Off, Eminem Shows Zero Emotion |Brobible|

Cliff Jumping Hawaii |High Definite|

Gary Busey Gets Real about Brain Trauma |Video Gum|

Terrence Malick names Zoolander |Screen Junkies|

The 50 Best Opening Scenes in a Film|Film.com|

NOMINATE for Comments of the Week. FOLLOW Vince on Twitter.
FAN US at Facebook. SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast.

If there was ever any doubt that Bam Margera was the least likable of the Jackass crew (a generally pretty likable crew, otherwise), let his latest music video buttsquirt that doubt or whatever. Set in Iceland with a naked dancing Icelandic stripper (I assume), Bam raps about how he wants to bend his dick to his ass (“so I could f*ck myself”) over some awful dub-step wub-wubbage. Uh, okay. He wears his usual collection of obnoxious clothes and pees in his own mouth like a monkey, high level satire. As always, his whole “I don’t even care, bro, I’ll make a music video about f*cking my own butt where I pee in my mouth because I don’t care so hard” attitude is undercut by the fact that he’s wearing about 26 different articles of clothing. Astronauts could get dressed faster. Is that a big part of his obnoxiousness, or is it everything else? And serious question, is this the worst song ever recorded?

Read the rest of this entry »

[via The A.V. Club]

MORNING LINKS
Come Play With Us, Danny: A Definitive Gallery Of Tributes To ‘The Shining’ |Film Drunk|

Vince and Frotcast guest Matt Louv be riffin’ on bad movies this Friday |Fresh Like Cadaver|

Decembeaver Is The Wicked Counterpunch Movember Deserves |UPROXX|

GIF [via Pleated Jeans]

Thank You, Jerry: Celebrate ‘A Very Gergich Christmas’ With Christie
Brinkley, Millicent |Warming Glow|

Mike Tyson Once Again Talked About The Day He Didn’t Kill Brad Pitt |With Leather|

‘The Hobbit’ Might Make You Barf |Gamma Squad|

Take A Look At The Original Air Jordan IV Catalog From 1989 |Smoking Section|

Wizards Beat The Heat: Fans Cheer For RG III Instead of Hoops Team |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Animals that don’t suck |theChive|

30 Lessons We Learned From Amy Poehler In 2012 |Buzzfeed|

Manny Paquiao vs. Juan Manuel Marquez: Watch Their First Three Fights Right Here |CagePotato|

8 Other Teams That Changed Their Nicknames |Mental Floss|

The International Banana Museum |Clip Nation|

19 Random, Awesome Wins |HuffPost|

Mel Gibson Will Straighten Lindsay Lohan Out |The Superficial|

They’re really pushing Megan Fox in skimpy clothing for Judd Apatow’s ”This Is 40″, eh? |Fark|

Kate Upton Makes Nice Videos |IDLYITW|

If Your GPS Navigated Like Your Idiot Friends |College Humor|

The Petting Zoo |Videogum|

10 Pretty Boys Who Uglied Themselves Up for a Role |Pajiba|

NPH And Nathan Fillion Dream About Puppets |Screen Junkies|

5 Things The Walking Dead Should Fix When It Returns |Unreality|

Army Will Wear These Awesome Uniforms Against Navy |Brobible|

NOMINATE for Comments of the Week. FOLLOW Vince on Twitter.
FAN US on Facebook. SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast.

I was in the middle of writing my Lincoln review when I saw this video, and I immediately dropped everything to write up a Friday Free For All post around it. It’s that good. Rebecca Black’s “Friday” producer at Ark Music Factory in LA has a new protegé, by the name of Nicole Westbrook. Now, I’m one of those people who makes no apologies for loving “Friday” unironically. It’s catchy! If you don’t think “Friday” is a better song than “Tik Tok” or “Moves Like Jagger” you are a legitimate moron with cow pies for ears. Anyway, Ark’s Patrice Wilson is back, with a song about Thanksgiving, performed by Nicole Westbrook, and it is nothing short of a goddamned masterpiece. Patrice Wilson is this guy, by the way:

Just a black dude in a turkey costume singing songs to a bunch of rich white kids while they eat, nothing weird about that. If the black guy wasn’t the producer I’d swear this was the most racist thing ever. “Hey, you know what’d be cool? If I showed up to some white kids’ house dressed like a turkey and ate all their ribs.”

And you’ll be glad to know that the man who once wrote “yesterday is Thursday, today it is Friday, tomorrow it is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards” has NOT LOST his magic with the word:

• December was Chistmas. January was New Year’s. April was Easter. And the 4th of July, but NOW IT’S THANKSGIVING!

• With the turkey AY! Mashed potatoes AY!

• Can’t be hateful/gotta be grateful/mashed potatoes on my table…

• I got ribs/smellin up my neighbor’s cribs

A Rebecca Black-esque song about food? OH MY GOD, SOMEONE’S INVADED MY WHEELHOUSE! THEY TOOK EVERYTHING!

My favorite moment of the video is when this kid shows up to Nicole Westbrook’s house, and he’s all like, “Yo, what up, girl, I brought you some food or whateva, wanna get durrrty?”

Read the rest of this entry »