In what I can only assume is being called Canada’s trial of the century, porn actor Luka Magnotta had a strong emotional and physical reaction to a video that he watched during his murder trial on Tuesday, as he asked the judge for a 5-minute recess before collapsing and curling up in the fetal position. So what the heck was on that video that could have made this man have such a breakdown?

Seriously, what on Earth was so terrifying and/or revealing that this guy reportedly sat at the table unable to watch the video, hands over his mouth like he was going to vomit the whole time, until he eventually stood up and asked to be excused as he fainted?

I’d love to know, because I don’t think there’s anything that bad.

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The drug cartel wars in Mexico have killed as many as 60,000 people in the last six years (!!) so you might expect Mexicans to be a little jaded when it comes to murder. But just how jaded? Well, a 10-year-old was shot in the head and killed during a Wreck-It Ralph screening last week, and after they carted him out, THEY KEPT PLAYING THE REST OF THE MOVIE.

According to an ongoing police investigation and local media reports, the shooting occurred Nov. 2 while young Hendrik Cuacuas, accompanied by his father and sister, were watching the animated Disney film Wreck-It-Ralph in a southern Mexico City theater.

The boy’s father, Enrique Cuacuas, told investigators and radio station Radio W that the child was sitting on his right side in a full theater when about a half-hour into the screening he heard something whiz past his ear, followed by the sound of a thud. He then turned to his right and saw his son convulsing and bleeding from the head. At that point, he realized his son had been shot. The boy was rushed to a hospital in critical condition but died two days later.

An autopsy report revealed that the child was shot from a distance of about four to six feet and it said the bullet entered the front of his head. However, adding to the general confusion, the coroner was quoted as saying that the shooter was not necessarily standing in front of the victim. [Or maybe it was the chupacabra. What am I, a doctor?]

Even stranger, the boy’s father and others in the theater said they heard no gunshots. Without offering proof, Cuacuas told Radio W that he learned there had been similar incidents in the past in the same theater. [THR]

Sad yet? Oh, it gets worse.

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Here’s a post guaranteed not to get any likes on Facebook, and probably the worst follow-up to a post about Zac Efron’s sun-dappled eyebrows on national let’s-get-super-baked day one could imagine, but here we are. Bollywood actress Meenakshi Thapar was kidnapped and beheaded by two aspiring actors she met on the set of her latest movie. She did not survive.

Meenakshi Thapar, 26, who had appeared in the Indian horror film 404 last year, met the two aspiring actors who allegedly later killed her on the set of her latest film, Heroine.

That’s terrible. And now I can’t even make a joke about an Indian horror film being about the code for a missing web page.

Tip: If you're an actor who is suspected of a famous murder, never appear on screen in an eyepatch.

The death of actress Natalie Wood is one of the more famous unsolved mysteries in Hollywood. Short story: she was out on a boat with Christopher Walken and her husband, Robert Wagner, she fell overboard, and she drowned. Longer story: all that plus fishy circumstances. Longest story: this new book that includes previously unheard information about that night from the ship’s captain (a scant 30 years after it took place — timely!). From TMZ:

In the book — “Goodbye Natalie, Goodbye Splendour” — [author Marti] Rulli and Splendour Captain Dennis Davern write about the night Natalie drowned. They say before Natalie disappeared from the boat, she was drinking and taking Quaaludes with her husband, Robert Wagner and actor Christopher Walken.

According to the book, Wagner became enraged when he saw Wood and Walken speaking, and smashed a wine bottle, yelling at Walken, “What do you want to do, f**k my wife? Is that what you want?”

At that point, Walken returned to his cabin and Natalie and Robert went to their state room. According to the Captain, he heard a loud argument between the couple and thumping sounds, and eventually silence.

A short time later, the Captain went to the deck and was told by Wagner, “Natalie is missing.”

The book claims Wagner refused to let the Captain call the Coast Guard.

Based on this new information, some of which conflicts with original accounts of the night of Wood’s death, the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department has reopened the case as a murder investigation. They haven’t spoken to any of the parties involved yet, but as Uproxx’s Chief Legal and Space Jam Correspondent, my official analysis of the situation is that the police officers that eventually question Christopher Walken about the events of that night will do a horrible impression of him while telling people about it at cocktail parties years later.

WOMAN AT PARTY: Ooo, you worked on the Natalie Wood case? You can tell me… what really happened?

COP: Well, I’m not supposed to say anything, but [Walken voice], she fell off the BOAT after taking QUAA-ludes. [impression slowly starts turning into Borat] It was a real love tri-AN-gle. I was going to make her MAH WIIIIFE.

UPDATE: CagePotato has a better photo, adding that Graham was 146 pounds, about 90 less than Son in his fighting days.

Now that we’re all in great moods after that Muppets trailer shot sunshine up our cornholes, I thought now would be a great time to tell you about that child molester Joe Son killed. Joe Son of course being the Austin Powers actor who was recently

The victim has been identified as 50-year-old Thomas Graham (pictured above) — who had once been convicted for committing lewd and lascivious acts on a child under the age of 14.
At the time he was killed, Graham was serving a two year sentence in Wasco State Prison for failing to properly register as a sex offender.
As TMZ previously reported, cops believe Graham’s cellmate Joe Son — who played shoe-throwing villain Random Task in the original “Austin Powers” movie — killed Graham in their cell on October 10.
Son is currently in solitary confinement  while prison officials investigate. [TMZ]

It’s always funny to me to hear someone say “lewd and lascivious acts.” As if you’d be like, oh, you mean they were lewd AND lascivious? Well if it was just lascivious, I could see, but lewd AND lascivious, that’s out of line. Anyway, this news kind of makes me feel like JK Simmons at the end of Burn After Reading.

So… he killed ‘em then.

Yup.

And he’s already in prison for life?

Yup. …What should we do, sir?

…Well I guess we don’t have to do anything, do we?

I suppose not, sir.

…What did we learn, Palmer?

I don’t know, sir.

I don’t f*ckin’ know either.

So I guess that’s one child molester the other child molesters won’t have to worry about anymore. To me, the most surprising part of this news is that five-foot-four Joe Son was able to kill someone. Up until now, his fighting style seemed to consist mainly of lying on his back and getting punched a lot.

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