(Tony Jaa attempts to call a “timeout” in the honeymoon suite)

I’m not really sure that Tony Jaa understands how to make love to a guy twice his girth size. In this recent clip from Ong Bak 2 you’ll get to watch Jaa attempting coitus on the Celtics’ point guard. I don’t mean to hate, but Tony’s sex game is worse than my uncle Eddie’s. See, Eddie does this thing where he doesn’t wait for your permission before he tries something new, he just kind of…you know…um… anyway, enjoy the clip:

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Between sizzle reels, featurettes, and various trailer cuts, I know I’ve already posted a lot of Ong Bak 2 stuff, but if you don’t still drop everything at the chance to see Tony Jaa knee people in the face and backflip off elephant tusks, I’m not sure we can be friends.  The film, supposedly sporting a tighter recut, will be premiering on On Demand September 25th and will get a limited theatrical run starting October 23rd.

Midway through filming, it was reported that Jaa, who handled directing duties for the first time in his career, had walked off the set in order to meditate in the jungle.  When he refused to come back and finish the film, the financial backers kidnapped his favorite elephant, Xing-Xing, whom Jaa had been given the sacred duty to protect by the shaman of his village.  “Now, let this rogue come to us,” said the studio head, stroking his pet iguana.  And that’s when Tony Jaa rode in on a cheetah and kicked everyone in the face.  His foes vanquished, Jaa turned to Xing-Xing and the cheetah.  “Now, friends, let us rejoice,” Jaa said, smiling, and they danced to the music of their ancestors.*

^{*Second half of story recreated from imagination}

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This is the French trailer for Tony Jaa’s Ong Bak 2, which, after a six-minute trim and some changes to the score, will open in Europe later this month (still no word on a U.S. release).

Ong Bak 2 had a famously difficult road to completion. Tony Jaa directed, against the advice of former director Prachya Pinkaew. But in the middle of the shoot he had a massive breakdown, fled into the forest and stayed there for two months (supposedly practicing black magic) before making a tearful return to civilization on live TV. Then he presented the film’s financier with a list of demands that had to be met if he was to finish the film; after showing up at a police station claiming that he was being followed by thugs (i.e. his financier’s goons) he just went back and finished the movie with the help of his mentor Panna Rittikrai. [/Film]

But the important thing is that he knees people in the face, almost gets bit by an alligator, and does a backflip off an elephant’s tusk.  And you know the animals were real because this is Thailand.  Over there they shoot with live animals and then cover them in fish sauce and serve them to the crew for lunch.  Then Diablo Cody shows up and yells, “HEY, DOES IT SMELL LIKE MY PUSSY IN HERE?”

In retrospect, I realize this post spiraled out of control pretty fast, and for that I apologize.

Magnolia pictures today announced that they’ve picked up the U.S. rights to Ong Bak 2 (awesome trailer below), which they plan to release later this year. I don’t know much about Ong Bak 2 other than that Tony Jaa is in it and he beats people up on top of an elephant. Which is a little like saying “I don’t know much about my blind date, other than that she’s a Brazilian supermodel with d-cups who has what doctors have called ‘a child’s vagina.’”
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This is the trailer for the Thai basketball movie Fireball.  Now, don’t just sit there wondering whether someone gets kneed in the face, it’s a Thai basketball movie, of course someone gets kneed in the face.  Word on the street is that the trouble started when one basketball team stole a baby elephant the other team had sworn to protect.

Also be sure to listen for the Thai Linkin Park which fades in at about the two minute mark.

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