The MTV Movie Awards will air on June 6, but since MTV doesn’t air the show live, we’ll know the winners of the “awards” within a week of the show. And since MTV promises the big awards in exchange for star power *cough, Tom Cruise, cough* it’s safe to say that the winners have already been determined for convenience. But that won’t stop rising actors and actresses from doing as their publicists tell them to and act excited to be a part of it.

MTV posted an “article” on the main Movie Awards website, and it’s so awesome and insightful that it took three writers to complete. The focus is on District 9 actor Sharlto Copley and Avatar’s Stephen Lang, both of whom were nominated for “who cares” and *shrugs shoulders*, respectively. Of his nominations, Lang told MTV: “I think these awards are cool, and to get two nominations is just a gas.” What a coincidence… *fart noise*.

Remove a couple ribs and get down, MTV:

A South African native, Copley has a long history of watching the show and made a point of thanking fans for giving him a chance to take part in the action. “I’m very surprised but very grateful to the MTV and ‘District 9′ fans that voted for me,” he said. “It really — the MTV Movie Awards were the kind of awards that I like, the only real award ceremony over the years in South Africa that I actually did watch whenever I could. It’s a real honor. It also actually shows that our film ended up in the pop culture.”

Hate to bust your bubble, Sharlto, but it’s not a real award show. On the totem pole of ceremonies, the MTV Movie Awards is below the Kids Choice Awards. The Hollywood Foreign Press thinks MTV’s show is a joke. I’m not completely full of hate, though. I’m sure Aziz Ansari will be very funny as the host, which will suck because not one person in the audience will understand intelligent wit.

But then Jack Black will come out and do a cartwheel into a Twilight cake and Ellen Page will make a dry comment like, “Looks like he had his cake and ate it, too” and the whole place will go apesh*t.

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Fall’s biggest comedy 2012 opens today, so it’s time for us all to care what Roland Emmerich thinks.  On that note, the man recently took time out from masturbating to tsunami footage, telling MTV that he’s planning for not one, but two Independence Day sequels.  To be titled “‘ID4-ever, Part I and II maybe?” I think he was joking, but on the other hand it’s Roland Emmerich.

“What we want to do in the next – it’s actually two movies – we want to do a bigger arc,” he explained. “‘Independence Day’ was always like the king who leads his troops into battle against an evil force, and that stays like that.”

Independence Day arc: Aliens land.  Aliens blow sh-t up.  WELCOME DA EARFF!  Humans blow up aliens.  So what might the “bigger arc” be?  Aliens land.  Aliens blow sh-t up. WELCOME DA EARFF! Humans blow up aliens.  …Pool party?  That’s how they’d do it on Entourage.

I’m pretty sure this story is like six months old, but if MTV says it’s new who am I to argue.  Besides, I need to refresh your memory about Brett Ratner’s plans to ruin re-ruin the Beverly Hills Cop franchise.

“The remake will not only maintain the original movie’s rating and star, it will also carry the same title. “We’re not going to call it ‘4,’ he said. “It will be a new ‘Beverly Hills Cop.’”

Not numbering your sequel?? It’s never been done!  You’re a loose cannon, Ratner!  This town isn’t ready!

“It’s a reinvention,” the director revealed. “I’m going to reintroduce it to a contemporary audience. I’m going to take the best of the first two films and put it into the new one.” Ratner cited a curious recent example. “Look at what they did with ‘Indiana Jones,’” he said. “Tonally you have three different films.”

And yet numerically, you have four different films.  ‘Tis a paradox.

“Eddie Murphy to me was what Chris Tucker is to 12 and 13 year olds today,” he said. “I would never do another buddy cop movie, but to do ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ is a dream for me. Eddie is a genius.” [via MTV]

Whoa whoa whoa, are we gonna need to put out an Amber Alert on Chris Tucker?  This kind of thing is nothing to joke about, my girlfriend’s 13.

Sorry guys.  Seriously, I thought the Christian Bale parody thing was over.  But apparently no one told Michael Cera (below, on the set of Youth in Revolt*) or Method Man in the clip above at an MTV panel from NY Comic-Con.  I didn’t think it was very funny, but you’d never know it from the crowd reaction.  Boy, they are loving him.  You’d almost think he was a cool black guy in a room full of white dorks or something.
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I haven’t been covering Michael-Cera-is-the-lone-holdout-for-the-Arrested-Development-movie gate much here, probably because I prefer stories that are interesting and/or factual.  Nonetheless, MTV recently caught up with Cera at Sundance and finally had a chance to ask him about it.  Cera says nothing is written at this point and that the movie is “more hypothetical than people think” – kind of like my pants.  He doesn’t say anything about being a holdout, just that he’s still waiting to see a script.  What an asshole!