GeekTyrant and other sites are reporting (the original story apparently came from the notoriously full of sh’t Sun) that Rampage Jackson has been cast as B.A. Baracus in Joe Carnahan’s A-Team movie (which, though I hate to burst your bubble, is going to suck).  It would make a lot of sense, in that Rampage Jackson is a big black guy who beats people up.

Most recently Jackson has been filming The Ultimate Fighter Season 10 in which he coaches opposite Rashad Evans.  The Sun reports that he beat out 50 Cent, The Game, Tyrese Gibson, and Ice Cube for the role after he impressed film bosses with his “charismatic audition”.  And by “charisma” I imagine they mean “dry humping.”  (see videos below).  In my apartment and/or crawl space, that also counts as “foreplay.”

Jackson will supposedly star opposite Liam Neeson as Hannibal and Brad Cooper as Faceman Peck (though I don’t believe either of those have been confirmed outside of the Sun, either).  Reached for comment, an out-of-work black actor said, “So, you decided to cast an athlete and not a rapper this time, huh?  That’s awesome, I’m glad I went to Juiliard.  Anyhoo, I’m gonna head down to TBS to see if Tyler Perry’s new show is hiring, you a-holes.”
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^{The original A-Team van (since converted into a rapemobile)}

I’ll give you two reasons making The A-Team into a movie is a horrible idea: Knight and Rider.  Nonetheless, the project is going forward, with Joe Carnahan (Smokin’ Aces) replacing John Singleton as director, and Ridley and Tony Scott on to co-produce.

Fox is betting this is the right combination, setting a June 11, 2010, release date for the feature, which is written by Skip Woods [who's written Swordfish and Hitman].

Carnahan seems like an ideal candidate for “A-Team,” which told the adventures of a group of US Army Special Forces who are on the run for a crime they didn’t commit. The team included Hannibal, the leader whose favorite line was “I love it when plan comes together; Face, a ladies man; Howling Mad Murdock, an unstable pilot; and B.A. Baracus, the surly muscle (B.A. stands for “Bad Attitude”). [THR]

Yes, sounds like it’s all coming together. Now the only question is who’ll replace Mr. T: Vin Diesel or Nick Cannon.

It wasn’t too long ago that the big news was John Singleton signing on to do an A-Team movie, and for a while it seemed like every day a new story would come out about Ice Cube or someone wanting to be in it.  And everyone was all like, “Yay, an A-Team movie, that sounds great! Let’s all drink the Kool-Aid and wash it down with a huge turd!”

Fast forward to today.  Fox put out their release schedule, and A-Team has moved from June 2009 to June 2010.  Singleton is off the project, leaving it without a director or cast.  Which puts it that much closer to non-existence where it belongs.

Other stuff on Fox’s schedule? They Came from Upstairs with some chick from High School Musical, Tooth Fairy starring the Rock, and I shit you not, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel.  You just know there’s someone in that building with a Masters from Princeton whose job is punching up a script about singing, poop-eating chipmunks.  Fingers crossed for a fire.