Normally I’m mostly indifferent to babies. They cry and poop a lot and ruin plane rides, and generally don’t bring much to the table until they reach pageant age. At least, that’s what I thought until last week, when Joe King sent me this picture of Mr. T Baby, aka B.A .”Baby Asian” Baracus (which I believe he found over on iruntheinternet). It quickly set the internet on fire, racking up more than 12,600 Facebook shares as of this writing, as well as mentions on Bravo’s Andy Cohen Live and Gabriel Iglesias’s Facebook page.  And for good reason. The way her chubby little arms and baby barrel chest mimic that of the former A-Team star make her pretty much the cutest thing ever. I mean, if you can look at these pictures without smiling, you should probably go get a job gassing puppies at the pound  because you’re dead inside.

Recently, I was able to reach out to Mr. T Baby’s father and lead costume designer, Brandon, from St. Paul, Minnesota, to get the full story behind the costume (JOURNALISM!). And much like the now-famous picture of his daughter’s first Halloween costume (it was last year, she was one and a half), the whole story made me smile. So with his permission, I thought I’d share with you this Halloween treat.

(Helpful tip: you can click to enlarge any of the photos).

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Today’s Forgotten Classic is 1983′s DC Cab, a film starring a murderer’s row of randomness that included Gary Busey, Mr. T., and Bill Maher.  It was a little before my time, but while I was writing, this, I noticed Drew had mentioned it in his latest Balls Deep column for Deadspin, so perhaps it’s not as forgotten as the title of this feature might indicate.  In any case, it’s about a team of wacky cabbies who have to rescue one of their colleagues who’s been kidnapped.  It’s basically the 1983 equivalent of Soul Plane, in both tacky badness and casual racism.  Here’s the rundown of highlights from reader Matthew, who sent this in.  Oh, also, he titled the banner image “Gary Busey Attempting to Faith Heal a Headache So He Can Copulate with the Afflicted,” so there’s that.

• Gary Busey saying “You know the only thing wrong with oral sex?  The view!”
• Gary Busey saying “Did you know that DC is 75% nig?”
• Gary Busey saying “Nobody ever goes in the army anymore except blacks. Someday one n*gger’s going to wake up and say ‘we got the guns and the mustard gas and the tanks – we runnin’ the army!’ And they’re going to take over the whole country.”
• Gary Busey running into a gentleman’s club and stealing money from a stripper’s panties.
• Mr. T working his cab shifts wearing a weightlifting belt.
• Gary Busey saying “You know I can suck the white right off your teeth.”
• Bill Maher playing synthesizer while waxing philosophic.
• Gary Busey saying “If I’d wanted responsibility I’d have been a damn sex surrogate.”
• Mr. T pimping out his cab with various gold accoutrements.
• Mr. T making an impassioned speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in yellow sweatpants.
• Gary Busey saying “Why are women so uptight?  They’ve got half the money and all the pussy.”

As you may have noticed, casual racism in 1983 was pretty intense by modern standards.  I’m assuming this film was written and directed by a black man, or else they’d never have gotten away with being so free with the N-Bomb– (*checks IMDB*) JOEL SCHUMACHER!? That’s right, this film was co-written and directed by the man who would later go on to put nipples on the Batman suit. In retrospect, perhaps we should’ve seen it coming.

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Courtesy of Buzzfeed and TheDailyMail, here’s a rundown of the cast of Joe Carnahan’s A-Team, and a side-by-side comparison of the new and original actors.  Above is of course Rampage Jackson as B.A. Baracus, originally played by Mr. T.  And here I thought he’d cut his hair like that to support Kimbo. Also starring:

Brad Cooper as ‘Faceman’ Peck, originally played by Dirk Benedict.  Ironically, ‘Dirk Benedict’ is actually a way better name for a character in an action movie.

Liam Neeson as Hannibal, originally played by George Peppard.

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Folks, if you’re standing you’d better sit, and if you’re bareheaded, you better put on a hat so you can hold the F onto it: it turns out British tabloids aren’t reliable sources of information.  (*covers umbrella with lighter fluid and sets it on fire*)  Even though The Sun reported a few days ago that UFC funny guy and avid dry humper Rampage Jackson was confirmed to play B.A. Baracus in the A-Team movie, it turns out that’s no more true than their report about Eddie Murphy playing the Riddler in the next Batman.  From MTV via Fightlinker (great site, btw):

MTV has confirmed that UFC champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has not been cast as B.A. Baracus in the coming big screen adaptation of “The A-Team.”

What I CAN tell you is that I reached out to Jackson’s publicist who checked with the fighter’s manager, as Jackson himself is currently on hiatus. The response? “His manager said it wasn’t true.” Move along people. There’s absolutely nothing to see here.

Well that’s a shame.  Rampage as Baracus was by far the most interesting thing I’ve heard about this project so far. I know most of us were young and impressionable when it came out, but let’s face it, The A-Team was a pretty dopey show.  You wanna make a movie about people who drive around in vans that I’ll watch?  Call up Story and Trailer Trish.  Can’t you just picture Gary Busey as the town Sheriff sidling up to the driver’s side window, “We don’t think kindly to… vanners in these parts.”    And then Trish’d be all, “Leave me alone!  You’re just jealous because I drive a Wizard of Oz truck!”  It could be like Easy Rider for the vanner community.  Of course, they’d have to show it at the drive in.

GeekTyrant and other sites are reporting (the original story apparently came from the notoriously full of sh’t Sun) that Rampage Jackson has been cast as B.A. Baracus in Joe Carnahan’s A-Team movie (which, though I hate to burst your bubble, is going to suck).  It would make a lot of sense, in that Rampage Jackson is a big black guy who beats people up.

Most recently Jackson has been filming The Ultimate Fighter Season 10 in which he coaches opposite Rashad Evans.  The Sun reports that he beat out 50 Cent, The Game, Tyrese Gibson, and Ice Cube for the role after he impressed film bosses with his “charismatic audition”.  And by “charisma” I imagine they mean “dry humping.”  (see videos below).  In my apartment and/or crawl space, that also counts as “foreplay.”

Jackson will supposedly star opposite Liam Neeson as Hannibal and Brad Cooper as Faceman Peck (though I don’t believe either of those have been confirmed outside of the Sun, either).  Reached for comment, an out-of-work black actor said, “So, you decided to cast an athlete and not a rapper this time, huh?  That’s awesome, I’m glad I went to Juiliard.  Anyhoo, I’m gonna head down to TBS to see if Tyler Perry’s new show is hiring, you a-holes.”
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