This is ostensibly a humor site about movies, so I’ll forgive you for not knowing that Lyoto Machida knocked out Randy Couture (and knocked one of his teeth out) with a front kick on Saturday night.  It was the second front kick knockout in the UFC, and in a bizarro-world turn, the second time a fighter credited Steven Seagal (LAW MAN! MARTIAL ARTIST! POONANI LOVER!) with helping to refine his technique. (Yes, for those of you who asked, this was a real picture, not Photoshop).  However, for those of us movie lovers watching (Joe Rogan included), the move looked a lot more like Daniel-san’s infamous Crane Kick than anything from a Steven Seagal movie.  For shame, Seagal, trying to take credit for Miyagi’s moves.  I know you don’t like to keep track of space and time, but that’s no excuse.  STRIKE FIRST! STRIKE HARD! NO MERCY!

The only way this could’ve been better is if Machida had jumped on top of Couture as if to ground and pound, but then tweaked his nose instead.

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Today in “News that Probably Isn’t True”, some Chinese guy is reporting that a remake of Karate Kid, Kung Fu Kid, is in the works, with Jackie Chan playing the Mr. Miyagi character and Will and Jaden Smith involved. 

The source of the story is a site called Monkey Peaches, which sounds like some sort of euphemism for dog crap, or Tori Spelling’s tits.  They say Han Sanping, the president of China’s state-run movie studio made the announcement during a speech at Peking University. 

Of course, rumors about the Smiths being involved in Karate Kid from awhile back were later reported bogus, but if life has taught me anything, it’s that mouthpieces for repressive Asian regimes are always to be trusted.  Like the time Kim Jong-Il killed a swarm of locusts with the glint from his pompadour.  True story, dude is harsh.  

I’m not saying North Korea and China are the same place, just that all Asian people look alike.  What what?  They tricked me into saying that.