Last week I posted the trailer for MXP: Most Xtreme Primate. As part of an ongoing effort to bring you more ape-related footage, I did some research and found out that it was actually a sequel to a little film called MVP: Most Vertical Primate, the trailer for which you see here (in German {actually Dutch, a thousand apologies}, because everything’s better in German, especially feces porn).

You may notice some fine reaction shot work from Home Improvement’s Al Borland, but I post this to recognize another perfomance: the guy air punching in the foreground between the 4 and 6 second mark.  In two seconds he manages to steal the entire film.  From an ape on a skateboard, no less. Do you know how hard it is to steal from a chimp?  They have thumbs on their feet!  I. Can’t. Stop. Rewinding.  I can only dream of the capacity to be as happy about anything as he is about an ape scoring a goal in ice hockey. This man needs to be identified.  He needs to be recognized. He needs to be given a prize.  The director should buy his family a house like the Slumdog kids.  FilmDrunkards, behold.  I give you… THE FINEST TWO SECOND PERFORMANCE IN ALL OF CINEMA.

I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking covering news about all the big boring Hollywood blockbusters when there’s so much goodness to be found in Disney’s direct-to-DVD* catalogue.  In my travels across the internet, I recently came across a title called MXP: Most Xtreme Primate, from 2003.  Anticipation boner in hand, I went looking for the trailer and found it, and it’s pretty much everything I had hoped for.  A chimp, riding a snowboard, doing tricks and generally throwing a MONKEY wrench into everyone’s plans.  Ha, take that, squares!  I needed to know more about this amazing film, so I dug up this review on IMDB:

It’s no wonder they added the “X” in the title of this sequel to MVP and MVP 2. It has the best monkey shower scene I’ve ever seen. This monkey nudity only served to make the primate more “human” so I can understand it’s inclusion in the film. With out it, it would have been merely a typical animal sports movie in the tradition of Air Bud.

I haven’t seen monkeys and humans bond this well, since “Gorillas in the Mist”. Not only does the monkey take a shower, but he also brushes his teeth, shave with a razor, plays the drums, plays video games, drinks a frozen drink and gets brain freeze, and oh yeah he snowboards too. What will Jack do next? I for one can’t wait. Opposable thumbs way up!!!

Oh man, I think I just peed a little.  This is so Xtreme.  If they made an MXP body spray I would spray it on my shit and throw it at people.  MXP makes the Cool Mule look like the king of all dorks.

*Make that VHS