This is the trailer for The Crazies, Breck Eisner’s remake of the 1973 George Romero flick.  Breck Eisner is the son of former Disney CEO Michael Eisner, and last directed the megaflop Sahara.  This one has Timothy Olyphant, and also zombies.  And that Mad Mad World cover song from Donnie Darko.  All in all it looks pretty good if you’re into movies you’ve already seen 12-15 times.  The Crazies, more like The Lazies, amirite?  (*wank wank mouthfart*)

Zombieland opens this weekend and I may have to see it to see why everyone’s dangling from its balls.  From what I’ve seen, it looks like a straight ripoff of Shaun of the Dead with a bunch of lame movie clichés thrown in.  I say this to introduce the trailer for The Revenant, another zombie comedy, which, dare I say it, actually looks funny.

The Revenant is a story about an ancient pestilence recurring to infect modern society.  Officer First Class Bart Gregory is killed while fighting in Middle East. His body is shipped back to the United States and laid to rest, but before the lid can be put on his tomb, Bart inexplicably awakens in his coffin and climbs from his grave; confused and horrified–a moldy, putrefying living corpse–a Revenant…In their quest to keep Bart from decomposing, Bart and his best friend Joey stumble into a solution—a way to obtain blood without taking innocent lives, becoming “The Vigilante Gun-Slingers”. But as their macabre crusade continues, they become entwined in an ever escalating cycle of violence, mayhem and ghoulism . . . all while cruising in a 1979 Camaro.

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If the following project sounds like something you’d be at all interested in, you’re nothing but a mouth-breathing, monkey-faced drool bucket stealing valuable oxygen from living creatures.  Chances are, you’re also a movie exec.  Here, I’ll just give you the title: Xombie.  All together now:  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhck.

DreamWorks, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci could be walking with a “Xombie.”

Could they really?  Could they be walking with a Xombie, Hollywood Reporter writer guy?  That’s funny, because you could be walking with a keyboard up your ass, if only your editor wasn’t a spineless crotch pony.
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I’ve been pretty vocal about hating everything about George Romero’s latest movie, Survival of the Dead, from the stupid title to the idea of yet another George Romero zombie movie.  But after seeing this clip, I acknowledge the possibility that I’ve been wrong.  I thought this was a lot funnier than anything I’ve seen from Zombieland, which is trying a lot harder.  Get it?  The Asian guy can’t stop catching zombies!  Asians be fishin’ y’all.

[via CHUD]

This is the newest trailer for Zombieland (if you’re keeping score at home, this is international version — I posted the R-rated version a few weeks ago).  It stars Jesse Eisenberg as a shy, cerebral neurotic who teams up with Woody Harrelson, an impulsive, slovenly redneck, to kill zombies.  Their relationship kind of reminds me of me and my old roommate. He’d always be on my ass about not cleaning my dishes, and I’d always be punching him in the stomach for being Jewish.  Also, we fought zombies.  Anyway, I’m trying not to waste too much breath on this movie because it looks like a ball of cliches mooshed together and deep fried in unoriginality and then dipped in Woody Harrelson.  “Dude!  It’ll be funny because they’ll kill zombies!  Dude!  It’ll be cool ’cause he’ll wear sunglasses.  And then he’ll get hit in the head with a golf ball!”  No.  Just, no.

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