With news that the 4th and 5th Matrix films will not happen, Laurence Fishburne has some extra time on his hands, and back in August he chose to spend it hiring a private investigator to follow his daughter around. Montana Fishburne is currently facing criminal assault charges, but she took advantage of her daddy’s concern in the most beneficial way imaginable – she staged a suicide attempt.

Knowing that her dad’s P.I. was filming her, Montana pretended to drink a glass of bleach in a “failed” suicide attempt. Her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, thought the attempt was real and used the video to convince the prosecutor to agree to a sentence of rehab and no jail. The prosecutor agreed and Montana went on to get the help that she so desperately needed.

Haha, just kidding everyone!

The tape has become relevant in the ongoing criminal assault case against Montana because her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, had sent the tape to the prosecutor to demonstrate her client’s troubled mental state and help get a plea deal that involved rehab, not jail time. The prosecutor agreed to the deal, but has since disavowed it and wants her to do jail time. (Via TMZ)

Hopefully the judge and prosecutor will agree to stick with the rehab sentence so we’re not deprived of Montana putting things in her precious monkey fufu. As for the bleach, it would have only been the 9th most disgusting substance Montana has ingested in 2011.

This week on the Frotcast, we finally got the microphones and mixer we’ve been promising so Ben could achieve what producer Phil Spector used to call the “Wall of Ear Rape.”   I hope we did it.  This week we:

• Discuss kid critic ‘Lights, Camera, Jackson‘ and who’s to blame for putting him on TV
• Tila Tequila vs. The Juggalos: As Danger Guerrero says, between Juggalos and Shawn Merriman, what is it about Tila Tequila’s nipples that makes stupid people so mad?
• Get friend of the Frotcast comedian and porn camera man Joe King on the phone to talk about Montana Fishburne, Brian Pumper, and what makes our monkey fufus wet.
• We wrap it up with a verbal frot to the death over Scott Pilgrim, which Ben thinks is the worst film we’ve seen for the Frotcast, and Bret and I think is the best.
• What should we see this week, Piranha 3D or The Expendables?  Feel free to weigh in in the comments or via email to the Frotcast.

BOOOSH.

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This may come as a shock to you guys, but it turns out, Laurence Fishburne isn’t exactly thrilled about his 19-year-old daughter filming multiple porn movies, or about letting Brian Pumper rap about how he wants to put farts in her vagina.  Okay, I’m just guessing about that second part, but I’m pretty sure.  Anyway, apparently Laurence, who made $8.4 million last year from his role on CSI alone ($350K an episode times 24) has a solution to all this.  That solution?  The silent treatment.

Montana says Laurence told her she is unwelcome in his life and wants nothing to do with her … at least for now.  According to Montana, her dad said, “I’m not going to speak with you ’till you turn your life around.”
Montana says Laurence added, “You embarrassed me.”
And this parting shot.  According to Montana, Laurence said, “You used your last name. No one uses their real name in porn.” [TMZ]

Good strategy.  I’ve always heard the best way to prevent porn is a father who’s cold and distant.  “If only my dad hadn’t been so involved in my life I wouldn’t be doing this,” strippers are always saying. Anyway, look for Montana’s next Vivid release, “Turn Your Wife Around”, coming this fall.

“And another thing!  No one lets a guy rap about putting farts in her vagina!  Farting vaginas?  Is that supposed to be sexy? It just isn’t done! And what the hell is ‘monkey fufu’ supposed to mean! You! Are! Grounded!”

Remember Montana Fishburne’s co-star in her first adult movie?  You know, the one they filmed before her contract with Vivid was announced?  His name is Brian Pumper and he’s an aspiring rapper.  In addition to his Jay-Z diss song, he also provided the titular rhymes in Phatties, Rhymes, and Dimes 14. (Heh, “titular.”)  Well, let me be the first to tell you that MOTHER OF GOD, THE LYRICS ARE INCREDIBLE.

(However, they’re probably too explicit for the main page, so join me below for the fun.)

Read the rest of this entry »

11 days ago, we found out Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year-old daughter, Montana, was doing a Vivid porn. Last week, we learned she’d filmed an earlier porno (“Phatty’s Rhymes & Dimes 14″).  About five minutes after that, we found out she’d been arrested for prostitution.  Today, I bring you the news that her co-star in her first hardcore scene, Brian Pumper, is an aspiring rapper, and he has recorded a song dissing Jay-Z’s “weak sex game.” I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. Yes, it’s a wonderful time to be alive, I whispered to my Japanese sex pillow.

I had to put the video after the jump because the lyrics are naughty, but here’s a sample: Read the rest of this entry »