This is the newest trailer for Mongol, the Russian-language Sergei Bodrov epic that opens in the U.S. in June.  I’ve been hoping they’d make a Genghis Khan movie forever, and in order to explain why, I thought I’d give you some historical perspective.

Though much of the Mongols badassery was based on dubious rumors propagated by the conquered Chinese – that the Mongols "looked like monkeys, barked like dogs, ate raw flesh, drank their horses’ urine, knew no laws, and showed no mercy,” the reality was pretty badass too:

Drunkenness, induced by potations of the elite drink, fermented mare’s milk, was hallowed by rites… Challenges to drinking bouts conveyed by seizing the victim by the ears, tugging vigorously “to make him open his gullet,” and clapping and singing in front of him. –Account of a Franciscan monk observing Mongols in 1253 (source)

Aw, a civilization after my own heart.  Also:

…the Mongol Wars of the 13th century depopulated Asia by somewhere between 30 million and 60 million people. 
  Genghis Khan may be gone, but not forgotten. With literally hundreds of wives and concubines, not to mention who knows how many pieces on the side, Khan did his part to help repopulate Asia after depopulating it so memorably.
  To exploit… uh, we mean celebrate… this legacy, a Mongolian restaurant in London offered free DNA tests for male customers who want to know if they’re descended from G.K. The restaurant offers free dinners to the Great One’s progeny. It could end up being an expensive promotion. Given the amount of time that has passed, and Khan’s profligate semen, it’s estimated there could be as many as 17 million descendants alive today. [from the incomparable Rotten Library] 

So basically he was like the 13th century equivalent of Kevin Federline, or an NBA player.  Also, he killed lots of people. (Requisite Bill & Ted mall scene after the jump)

The short version:

The long version (Genghis enters at about 1:34)

God, and what do the kids have these days? High School Freakin’ Musical.

Watch the English teaser trailer for Mongol here

Ever since Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, I’ve been hoping for a Genghis Khan movie.  Mongols are up there with pirates and vikings when it comes to potentially awesome movie subjects.

And I’m hoping that, since this wasn’t produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, the Mongols will be depicted as the sword fighting, pee-drinking, rape-happy savages they were, and not lovable rogues who talk to animals and solve ghost stories. 

Unfortunately, I don’t know much about the director, Russian Sergei Bodrov.  At times like these, I turn to racial stereotyping.  My call is that Mongol will be bleak, stoic, and unnecessarily brutal, and will let you marry its beautiful daughter for $5,000 American dollars.  You heard it here, folks.  (opens in limited US release in June)