(I just thought Professor Fuzzkins and the duckling duo were less depressing than the original picture)

The father of Slumdog Millionaire star Azharrudin Mohammed (who played Salim), the same one who slapped his son around for being impolite to photographers, has died in Mumbai.  He got the finest care possible, but succumbed to a rare, incurable diseas– wait, hold on, I’m getting some new info… Sorry, check that, he died of tuberculosis.  Which is still India’s number three killer, behind the bubonic plague and Ox palsy.

Mohammed Ismail’s premature death will inevitably fuel the controversy surrounding the fate of the slum children who appeared in the movie. He died today in the new flat bought for the family by the trust set up by director Danny Boyle.
Ismail had been ill for some time and had twice been admitted to a tuberculosis hospital in Mumbai after being turned away by another hospital in the city, which refused to admit him in case he infected other patients.

Well sure.  I asked my friend who’s a doctor what the best way to cure someone with tuberculosis is, and he said, first you cover them with a plastic tarp, then you kick them into a vat of acid, and then you throw away anything they might have touched.  Then you rub two sticks together and make a fire, because witches hate fire.

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All nine actors who play the three main characters in Slumdog Millionaire will be attending the Oscars, even the two youngest ones, whom some have alleged were mistreated by the filmmakers.

Also attending will be Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, 10, and Rubina Ali, 9, both of whom were plucked from their homes in a Mumbai slum by director Danny Boyle and his team. The trip will be their first on an airplane and their first out of the country, relatives said.
“I’m very happy that I’m going to the Oscars,” Rubina said in her home Friday, hours before she was to leave for the United States. “My friends are saying, ‘your fate is so good.’”
“I’m not scared,” said Rubina, who will be traveling with her uncle. “I’m going to go and take a lot of pictures and show them to people over here.” [AP]

Oh sure, it’s all about fate. See what this movie has done, you idiots?  Why go to school, right kids? Clearly you can learn all you need from living on the street, and if you’re ever meant to raise youself out of a life of poverty, destiny will take care of everything.  Anyway, I know I said I hated this stupid collection of clichés that everyone’s calling best picture, but I’m happy for these kids.  When you spend your childhood wearing contact lenses made of fly eggs and crying yourself to sleep on a pillow made of a sibling’s bloated corpse… well, at that point it’s fair to say you’ve earned your giftbag full of iPods and Restylane.