Here’s Miley Cyrus starring alongside Demi Moore and Ashley Greene in the mother-daughter something something tween whatever, LOL. It’s kind of a double entendre because Miley plays a character named “Lola” who goes by “Lol” (pronouced Lowell). Also, this is neither here nor there, but Clint Eastwood’s pet squirrel is also named Lola. Also, I think Megan Mullaly should change her name to Megan MuLOLLERCOPTER.

“If he kisses her on the lips, it means he’s cool being your boyfriend.”

Hmm, I’m pretty sure those rules only apply to hookers.

FYI, it never shows whose ass that is. Oh boy, I hope it’s a tween!

Read the rest of this entry »

Miley Cyrus is set to star in So Undercover [originally titled "I'm Like, Sooo Undercover"], a harrowing tale of an 18-year old girl who looks like she’s 15, playing a private investigator who infiltrates a college sorority in order to solve the case of the experimental friendship. And while I may have made that last part up, it would be the only saving grace of an otherwise unoriginal and annoying idea.

But Miley’s sleuth masterpiece has a cast now, as she’ll be joined by Mike O’Malley of Glee and that one show from CBS with that other forgettable comedian, and Jeremy Piven. O’Malley will play Miley’s father (Miley O’Malley… LO’L!) while Piven will play a guy who desperately needs to sit down with John Cusack and figure out what’s going on before it’s too late.

Move some hair from my butt to the front of my head, Variety…

Read the rest of this entry »

Back in November, angelic unicorn whisperer Anne Hathaway hosted Saturday Night Live and the result was an episode that wasn’t necessarily terrible. And while I can sit here and break off into a 10,000-word rant about how terrible Jim Carrey’s recent hosting gig was, I won’t, because Vince won’t reach around if I do. What I can tell you is how Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are allegedly boycotting the Academy Awards because of Hathaway’s impression of Holmes from that episode.

Hathaway, who is as pure as a golden retriever’s smile, is hosting the Oscars alongside Filmdrunk favorite James Franco, so this news comes as a blow to the zero people who care about TomKat. As for the sketch and impression in question, for once I actually looked at Anne and thought, “Hey, she’s more than just an amazing rack and oddly pale hotness.” But Cruise and Holmes took the harmless impression as an insult and now they’re calling off their trip to the Oscars because they’re both terrible actors and will never be nominated for crap and would probably be left out of the “In Memoriam” montage at this point in their careers offended.

Jump on my couch, All Headline News…

Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re not familiar with Allan Loeb, he’s a screenwriter who has writing credit on practically every third movie, most of them terrible. He’s the guy who wrote Wall Street 2 (“I know it sounds like Star Wars, love, but you could do it, you could be Captain America“) as well as the upcoming Kevin James uses MMA to save the rec center movie, a concept so horrible I’d been using it as a joke for two years before he pitched it (not the only time this has happened, sadly).  Today, he’s in the news as a co-writer on a film Miley Cyrus will star in, which was first reported by our favorite nerds at Pajiba, when it was called, and I stress that I’m sh*tting you not, I’m Like Sooo Undercover. (Now it’s just So Undercover).

It’s a teen action comedy about a young, female private eye who goes undercover at a Florida college sorority in order to protect the daughter of a mob accountant.” How is it being described? As Mean Girls meets Miss Congeniality. [Pajiba]

Tom Vaughan (“What Happens in Vegas”) will direct from a script by Allan Loeb and Steven Pearl. “There will be a touch of real danger too when she goes undercover. We have a sharp, funny, accessible and commercial script from Allan and Steven that is a perfect match for her comic talents. We are also thrilled to have Tom Vaughan at the helm,” Sinclair said. [Variety]

Haha, he just referred to Miley Cyrus’ “comedic talents.”  Though to be fair, that movie where she had to save the sea turtle eggs from a raccoon sounded funny as sh*t.

You know how you’ll hear something like “Two and a Half Men is the number one comedy on television!”, and you just stand there confused, because you literally don’t know a single person who has gotten through five minutes of that show?  Yeah, this is like that.  According to the Hollywood Reporter, The Last Song is the top-selling home video in the country.

“The Last Song” debuted at No. 1 on both the Nielsen VideoScan DVD sales chart and the research house’s dedicated Blu-ray Disc sales chart for the week ending August 22.
The Season 4 set of “Dexter” bowed at No. 2 on both sales charts. “Date Night,” which debuted at No. 1 on both sales charts the previous week, slipped to No. 3 on the DVD tally, and to No. 5 on the Blu-ray Disc chart, behind “Clash of the Titans” at No. 3 and “Kick-Ass” at No. 4.

Remember The Last Song?  It’s that Nicholas Sparks movie where Miley Cyrus turns her back on a piano scholarship to Juilliard, but finds love when the local volleyball hunk helps her protect a nest of sea turtle eggs from a mischievous raccoon.  I am not making this up.

“Furry Vengeance,” a family comedy that earned $17.6 million in U.S. theaters, debuted at No. 4 on both the DVD sales and rental charts.

That’s the one where Brendan Fraser screams “MILEY CYRUS!” at a boulder.  …And his nemesis is a raccoon.  Whoa.  Is that meta?  Does America just love Miley Cyrus and hate raccoons?  Forget it, I’m going back to bed.