Look, we’ve all been there: you’re sitting there watching a mediocre movie, let’s say Spider-Man 3, and on screen, emo Peter Parker is in the midst of shoving Mary Jane down on the floor. The theater is respectfully silent, until a drunk dude in the back says, “Awww, sh*t,” and the entire theater explodes in laughter. Yes, that was something I witnessed, and it was instances such as these, when the audience became the show, that prompted me to ask some of my favorite writers and comedians to share their stories of times when the theater where they were watching a film became far more entertaining than the film itself.

This week’s panel includes some of your old Uproxx pals, as well as Justin Halpern and Patrick Schumacker from Sh*t My Dad Says/I Suck At Girls/Cougar Town, XOJane Columnist and Twitter’s BoobsRadley Julieanne Smolinski, comedian Jamie Lee, who was just on Conan a few months back, So Close to You author Rachel Carter, and my favorite San Francisco comedians and former Frotcast guests, Alison Stevenson and Leslie Small. Don’t blame any of them for the cutesy chapter headings though, I wrote those. Enjoy!

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Remember these kids? They saw The Odd Life of Timothy Green the other day, and it brought to the fore their youthful inability to comprehend the inevitability of mortality. It was HILARIOUS! (See also: The girl who cried at Star Wars). Generally speaking, we here at FilmDrunk almost never condone crying – there’s far too much of it these days. Are you a Chopped judge touched by a contestant’s story? Are you on a reality show and haven’t seen your kids in a whole three days? Are you John Boehner? Please, get a hold of yourself. If a hard (but fair) slap across the face doesn’t sober you up, we may have to have you committed like old mom. Nonetheless, it happens to everyone from time to time, and it got us to thinking: everyone has that one movie that turns them into the proverbial blubbering wiener kid. So I did a poll of Uproxx friends and family asking them, “Is there a movie that always kicks you right in the wang, or a movie from childhood that you can specifically remember being more than you could handle?”

Most people hate and ignore me, but I did get responses from Spencer Hall of EveryDayShouldBeSaturday, Justin Halpern of Sh*t My Dad Says/I Suck At Girls, Laremy Legel, and Uproxx’s own Cajun Boy, Burnsy, Josh Kurp, Mike “Christmas Ape” Tunison, and Danger Guerrero. As well as my own response, of course. Hopefully it’s good toilet reading. Just try not to cry on the toilet, co-workers hate that. Don’t ask me how I know. Oh God, my fissures!

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