As if Bob the annoying guy from shipping refusing to break character all day three Halloweens ago wasn’t enough to solidify Austin Powers’ status as no longer even remotely cool, Mike Myers now wants to turn it into a musical. A fourth movie is also still happening, reportedly. It’s enough to make you want to gun rape someone.

A source close to 48-year-old Myers confirmed to Page Six, “Mike is in talks to turn ‘Austin Powers’ into a musical stage show. Mike would be heavily involved in writing the show, but he will not star in it, even though he has quite a good singing voice.”

In the meantime, Myers’ private life has been blossoming. We revealed that he secretly married his longtime girlfriend, Kelly Tisdale, in New York in October 2010. The couple welcomed a baby boy, Spike, this past September. [NYPost]

The original Austin Powers came out two months before Limp Bizkit’s FIRST ALBUM. Jesus, man, LET IT GO. Not even Jerry Lewis beat a dead horse this long and hard, unless you count those muscular dystrophy teleth– you know what, let’s just forget this analogy. Point being, Austin Powers catchphrases were annoying before Borat catchphrases were annoying, and even that was like five years ago. And you know what’s not going to make them LESS annoying? Some dude in tights singing them 500 times in a row during the chorus to “Do I Make You Horny, Baby.” This is like taking the most obnoxious thing in the world, distilling it down to a liquid, then soaking a mosquito in it and having it buzz in your ear for all eternity while your asshole itches and printer jams. I don’t want to fall into cheap hyperbole here, but Jesus Christ, anyone who thinks this is an idea worth considering should be shot out of a cannon into the sun.

Maracas in the band. Braces. Austin Powers costume. And he's totally pulling it off. This kid rules so f*cking hard.

Mike Myers is said to be close to a deal to write, produce, and star in a fourth Austin Powers movie. Yes, you just read that. Myers has actually been talking about this for going on three years now, but now it sounds like it’s really happening. Hitfix reported that Myers was “signed, sealed, and delivered” on Friday, while the Hollywood Reporter says the deal hasn’t been signed yet, but it’s close.

Keep in mind, the last Austin Powers movie came out in 2002, released the weekend before Signs. Like its predecessors, it was directed by Jay Roach, who last directed Dinner for Schmucks. Meanwhile, the last film Myers co-wrote was The Love Guru in 2008, about which AO Scott of the NY Times wrote:

A whole new vocabulary seems to be required. To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the obvious. The word “unfunny” surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, “The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.

That’s not to say Austin Powers 4 won’t be TOTALLY AWESOME, but is there a human being alive who’s excited about this news? Even Steve in marketing permanently retired his Austin Powers costume a few years ago in favor of Borat, and that guy’s an idiot.

"I only do this cause I love you, girl! Why you always make me so crazy?!"

On the heels of Alvin and the Chipmunks, Marmaduke, and Yogi Bear, Warner Bros want you to know that they aren’t through putting bear juice in your Boo Boo.  In fact, Vulture says Mike Myers is set to voice Pepe Le Pew, patron saint of date rapists and France’s most important cultural icon, in a mix of CGI and live action a la the critically-acclaimed Squeakuel.  At the very least, it’ll be interesting to see Mike Myers play a character with a funny accent for a change.

We’re told that in Warner’s new Le Pew, only the skunk and his perennially unrequited love interest, Penelope Pussycat, would be CGI characters; the rest of the Le Pew film will be shot in live action.

The decision to reinvigorate the Looney Tunes cast of characters is a high priority for Warner Bros., for while they still throw off a billion dollars in licensing revenue annually, that’s barely a fifth of what Disney makes every year from licensing better-known characters like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.

According to E-Poll Market Research data, even the most popular of the Looney Tunes bunch have trouble connecting with audiences: For instance, more Americans over the age of 13 can recognize Mike Myers (68 percent) than can recognize Bugs Bunny (66 percent) or Daffy Duck (56 percent). Even tougher for Warner Bros., more Americans have a favorable impression of Bugs (65 percent) and Daffy (55 percent) than they do of Myers (52 percent).

Wake up, Myers!  The polls are in and you’re gettin’ murdered!  Daffy Duck is slaughtering you out there!  We need to go on the offensive YESTERDAY! I’m talkin’ attack ads, push-polls, fathering interracial ducks out of wedlock — THE WORKS!  It’s time to start playin’ dirty, or else the lame duck’s gonna be YOU!

(*hums “New Le Pew” by INXS*)

(Playing maracas in marching band... braces... this. kid. rules.)

The internets are all abuzz today with the news of a fourth Austin Powers movie, something Mike Myers has been talking about writing for two or three years now. But before we all start deepthroating our shotguns, keep in mind that today’s news came from this MTV interview with Austin Powers 1-3 director Jay Roach:

“[Star Mike Myers is] working on ideas for it, people are definitely talking about it and I’m all good for it,” Roach said matter-of-factly. “I love those characters.”

“Mike gave me my first shot directing on ‘Austin Powers 1.’ Just said, ‘Hey, you should direct this movie,’ when I hadn’t directed much of anything. So I love that group of people, and what could be better than going back into that.”

That’s it. To recap, Mike Myers is writing Austin Powers 4 (which we already knew), and now the director says, hypothetically, he might be up for directing a movie that no one has any plans to make yet.  And keep in mind, here’s what the NY Times said about Myers’ last movie, which, based on its worldwide gross, lost $21 million.

A whole new vocabulary seems to be required. To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the obvious. The word “unfunny” surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, “The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.

A little high brow for my tastes, but I think he liked it.

CinemaBlend and TrailerAddict posted eight new clips from Inglourious Basterds.  I’ve embedded a few below.  The first two clips feature Christoph Waltz’s creepily charismatic performance as a Nazi detective nicknamed “Jew Hunter”.  He won Best Actor (or “Bestest Acter” as Tarantino would say) at Cannes for this role.  And on the other end of the potential-Oscar-winner spectrum, we have Mike Myers in prosthetic makeup doing a British accent in the third clip.  I just can’t get enough of Mike Myers in prosthetic makup doing an accent.  He should have played Virginia Woolfe in The Hours, not Nicole Kidman.

~ robopanda
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