Bros, I feel like I’ve been dreaming about this day ever since Andrea Fingerblast ski-poled Flapjacks and me after the Chi O slave auction in the back of Steve L’s mom’s beamer on the way to pledge retreat, and now it’s finally here: Entourage is getting a movie. It’s a pretty personal story for me. I still remember I was wearing the limited edition And 1 kicks Turtle designed the day I found out we hazed Spinach to death after Kamikaze. I’m pretty emotional right now. RIP, Spinach.

From Deadline:

Warner Bros has tonight given the green light on a movie version of Entourage. The film will be directed by series creator Doug Ellin, who wrote the screenplay and who exec produced the series with Mark Wahlberg and Stephen Levinson. Deals are starting to be made with Adrian Grenier, who played Chase, Kevin Connolly, who played his manager Eric “E” Murphy, Kevin Dillon, who played the actor’s brother Johnny Drama, Jerry Ferrara, who played their entrepreneurial driver Turtle, and Jeremy Piven,

That’s about as far as the studio has gotten at this point, and there is no start date. I for one loved the series ending, in which Ari finally gave up his career and pledged his devotion to his long suffering gorgeous wife (Perry Reeves), only to get a last minute phone call offering him his dream job of running a film studio, knowing he’ll lose her if he says yes. Love to see how Ari negotiates himself out of that hell. Did I mention that I watched that show from start to finish, and miss it terribly?

While some naysayers might start in that an HBO transfer to film has no shot, the first Sex And The City did pretty well. For me, I can only think of one word to describe this development. Victory!!!!

See, bros? I’m glad Mike Fleming got a job at Deadline, but this is why he didn’t get a bid and Underpants Tony did. I mean we all know there’s a difference between being a down-ass bro and being a lurky creepenstein who makes all the clam slam shut. As Fat Dave my grand big always said, we need pledges, not stalkers – no homo. Anyway, I was all ready to take a grandma’s funnel to the dome after hearing this news like Stinkeye before he got tazed by the cops after Paddy’s, but then my bro Burnsy was all, “slow down, bro: are we sure this is really a good thing?”

At first I thought Burnsy was just being a f*g, but then it really got me to thinking, and he was holding the hookah so I thought we should hear him out:

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Patton Oswalt and Johnny Knoxville are set to play feuding brothers (“squabbling sibs”, as Deadline puts it) in an untitled comedy executive produced by David Gordon Green. It’s virtually guaranteed to be really funny because Johnny Knoxville is tall and skinny and Patton Oswalt is short and chubby — classic comedy recipe! I’m guessing Patton plays the rich, pompous womanizer and Knoxville the shy-but-goodhearted, D&D-loving shut-in, but I’ve been wrong before.

The untitled comedy will be directed by Todd Rohal and financed by Marc Turtletaub and Peter Saraf’s Big Beach Films. Knoxville and Oswalt will play battling brothers who attempt to honor their ailing father by taking a troop of boys on a camping trip. It all goes awry. Rob Riggle, Maura Tierney and Patrice O’Neal also star. Rohal, who originally wrote the script under the title Scout Master, most recently directed The Catechism Cataclysm. Production on the new comedy starts this week. [Deadline]

I’d rather watch a five-hour collection of Patton Oswalt’s Five-Second Films, but I suppose this’ll do. And I have faith that Johnny Knoxville can break the once-co-starred-opposite-Jessica-Simpson curse. Here’s a brief list of some of her other co-stars:

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After a few quiet, no doubt pensive years, it seems Kevin Costner is everywhere again. First he solved the oil spill (not really, but he did sell 32 of his oil-separating machines to BP), then got cast as Pa Kent in the Superman movie, and now he may be co-starring in the new Tarantino western, Django Unchained. With a little QT magic, this just might Travolta his ass back into relevance.  Here’s the scoop, from Deadline‘s Mike Fleming:

Kevin Costner is in negotiations to join a cast that is headed by Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio. Costner is in talks play Ace Woody.

Ace Woody, a character so named for that thing Tarantino gets when he sees a girl with a shapely Morton’s Toe, OH!Bet you never expected a foot fetish joke in a Tarantino post! Whackety schmackety self-loathing.

He’s the sadistic trainer of the male fighting slaves who entertain the white patrons of Candyland as well as the female slaves who are forced to be prostitutes. The club and ranch are owned by Calvin Candie (DiCaprio) and Ace Woody is the one who pits the “mandingo” fighters against one another, and has little qualms about mistreating and even killing the slaves who don’t measure up.

Damn, it sounds like this Ace Woody tortures slaves like Mike Fleming tortures prose.

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Last month it was reported that Will Smith was close to a deal to play the lead role in Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming spaghetti slave western, Django Unchained.  But shock of all shocks, it sounds like Captain Squeaky-Clean Image won’t be signing up for a movie where six of the characters are probably named the N-word. Deadline says it will be Jamie Foxx instead, who’s a better actor anyway, even if he does seem like he loves himself a whoooole lot.

Quentin Tarantino has made his choice and negotiations will begin. Tarantino’s next film will be distributed domestically by The Weinstein Company and overseas by Sony Pictures. Production begins November.
Foxx will join Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Samuel L. Jackson in a Sergio Leone-style spaghetti Western that Tarantino wrote and has set in Mississippi during slavery. No deal has been made yet, but it shouldn’t take long. While the early focus had Will Smith the likely participant, Deadline told you on June 7 that those talks had gone south, and we were first to identify Foxx as a prime contender for the role along with Idris Elba and Chris Tucker.

Chris Tucker, huh?  DO YOU, UNNASTAND, THE SLAVES, THAT ARE COMIN OUTTA THE SOUFF?

The choice of Foxx is an inspired one.  Django is a slave who’s liberated by a German dentist-turned-bounty hunter and taught the tricks of the trade by his mentor. Django’s major goal in life is to recover his wife, and to do it he needs to get past the villainous ranch owner Calvin Candie (DiCaprio), who runs Candyland, a despicable club and plantation in Mississippi where female slaves are exploited as sex objects and males are pitted against each other in “mandingo”-style death matches. Candie is a slave’s worst nightmare, and that [sic] is where Django’s wife Broomhilda is an abused slave. [Deadline]

Damn, here I was, all set to make a joke about “Foxx is an inspired one”, but I think I just got skullf*cked by that synopsis.  Does… “mandingo-style death matches” mean… cockfights? …”Broomhilda?”  I have to wonder who was a greater influence on this script. QT’s coke wizard, Alan Ball’s minah birds, or the erotic feet of some as-yet-unidentified muse.  In the end it sounds awesome, so I guess I don’t really care.  (*sigh*) I simply adore that coked-up, bird-hating foot f*cker.

Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky’s elegant farthouse feature about lesbo scissoring, made $315 million on a $12 million budget, so he’s earned himself the right to at least one esoteric period piece set in the world of renaissance calligraphy or whatever. Which is why studios were so delighted to have him onboard for Wolverine 2, a loser of an unwanted sequel for which they’d normally have to hire Joe Johnston or Stephen Sommers.  But no one really expected him to direct that.  Surprisingly though, the story he’s pitching now is perhaps the only kind more industry-trends approved than an unnecessary sequel of a second-tier comic book movie. It’s an epic adaptation (a “reimagination”, in dipsh*t insider parlance) of a royalty-free fairy tale.  Noah’s Ark, to be exact.

I’m told that town is tantalized by a package circulating with Darren Aronofsky directing. Noah, an edgy…

HE SAID THE SECRET WORD! HE SAID THE SECRET WORD!  (*turns on siren, runs around room with arms above head*)

…re-telling of the Noah’s Ark story. Aronofsky wrote a script that is getting a rewrite by John Logan [Rango, The Aviator, The Last Samurai, Gladiator, Any Given Sunday]. I’ve heard he wants $130 million [a huge budget -- Iron Man's reported production budget was $140m -Ed] to make it and that New Regency is eyeing a co-financing role.  It was described to me as a big fantasy epic, and an opportunity for Aronofsky to create a world. He’s very passionate about it and wants to make it [his ] next film. His move toward Noah comes after Aronofsky recently flirted with Exodus, the 20th Century Fox and Chernin Entertainment-produced telling of the story of Moses, his defiance of the Pharoah and delivery of the Hebrews from enslavement. [Deadline]

So, he was barely finished flirting with Exodus and already he’s tantalizing the whole town with his circulating (helicoptering?) package? Darren Aronosky sounds like a real slut.  But I’m excited for an Aronofsky-directed Noah’s Ark story.  Probably because of the image I get of Mickey Rourke giving his “I’m a broken down piece of meat” speech to a family of giraffes.

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