Here’s Mickey Rourke watchin the Giants play the Raiders. Even hungover and disheveled, he still looks less confused than Eli Manning. CLOSE YOUR DAMNED MOUTH! via
And now, your Daily Circle Jerk Links, live from BDarbs’ fog palace in San Francisco:
(video should be working now. if not, watch the version after the jump)
Oi, cunts, Da Stafe ‘eah. Dis is da traila for moy new movie, Da Expendables, innit. Oy’s playin a supportin’ role, but Da Stafe’s agent says dis is da film dat’s gonna show off Da Stafe’s “rainge as an actor”, donnit. To be honest, oy didn’t know what da cunt was on about. Turns out, it means dat in dis movie, oy’s ain’t takin moy fock’n shir’ off or droivin flash sazz wagons, an’ oy’s jus’ s’posta stand ’round loike a sad cunt whoilst da old geezah wiff da toight shir’ knobs aw da fit birds. Oy reckon if a bird is choosin a plastic-lookin cunt loike dat when she could get propa knobbed by a fit bloke loike da Stafe, den dis film must be soyence fock’n fiction, innit. Roight. So oy begged da geezah da let me roide a BMX boicycle or at least knob a few birds, but da cunt was just aw loike, “Ehhh err ugghhh eeeyyy ooohhh eehhh.”
Oi. ‘ow’s a cunt sposta understand a cunt if da cunt ain’ even speakin da queen’s, roight? Da good news is dat dey give da Stafe ‘is own trailah, an’ fock’n seafood fock’n dinnahs ev’ry noight. But wiffout sazz wagons or birds to knob or BMX boicycles, oi ‘ardly knew ‘oo oi was anymore. Oy ‘ad ta do a few fousand pushups ‘an ‘eadbutt da cunt wiff da clipboard just ta feel loike moyself again, now didn’t oy. Roight. So go see da fock’n movie, because da Stafe ‘as propa suffered for it, now ‘asn’t oy. An if oy don’ win da Oscah after da sacrifoices dat oy ‘as made, den we know dat dem cunts at da Oscahs is nuffin but worfless pikeys.
Entertainment Tonight has been hard at work this week, sending not one, but two of their trained seals to the set of Iron Man 2, where they asked the stars the tough questions, like “How’s your diet going?” and “Why come you’re so pretty?” (There’s briefly a cool part at the 56-second mark where Whiplash cuts a Rolls Royce in half with his whips). They didn’t talk to Mickey Rourke, probably because if E.T. anchors get dog fur on their clothes they melt like the wicked witch, but they spent plenty of time with Gwyneth Paltrow, who we see as the only person on the set breathing into a gas mask. Probably because her lungs are more important than yours, they live in England, you know. She also had this to say:
“Pepper’s evolving a little bit in her look, you know, but she’s still rocking all the high heels. I can’t believe that I can put on a bathing suit, or wear these costumes that are tiny and short or whatever, and still feel good about myself!”
It’s true, Gwyneth, you’re so amazing! Come on, everyone, let’s build a Paltrow monument that you can see from space! It’s almost as if she has all day to exercise and have private chefs cook her healthy food while immigrants take care of her kids or something. Anyway, ScreenRant has a nice, spoilery breakdown of what clues to the Iron Man 2 plot this video may have revealed. You know, if you’re some kind of Schloimo Dorkowicz.
(Mickey Rourke to play that vicious killer who you can’t help but want to hug the sh’t out of)
The backstory: In 2006, Phil Carlo wrote a book about mafia hitman Richard “The Ice Man” Kuklinski, which was then optioned by producer Lorenzo “Asteroids” Di Bonaventura. But when Carlo heard Bonaventura wanted to cast male stripper Channing Tatums in the lead, Carlo refused to extend Di Bonaventura’s option on the book. At the time, Carlo said he thought Mickey Rourke would be a better fit. Which brings us to today, and Page Six reporting that Mickey Rourke has agreed to star.
After our story appeared in August, Rourke met with Carlo. “We hit it off beautifully,” Carlo said. “We’re producing it together. We’ll shoot in the spring in New York, New Jersey and Florida.” “He’s really looking forward to being the Ice Man, and I think he’ll do a great job,” Carlo told Page Six yesterday. “He’s talking about it being his ‘Raging Bull.’ ”
Just for the fun of it, Kuklinski killed 50 vagrants under the West Side Highway before he was 18. “Because it was bums, the police had no idea there was a serial killer on the loose,” said Carlo. Then, Kuklinski turned pro and claimed 150 more victims for the Gambino family, using guns, knives, strangulation and poison.
I for one am shocked that an Italian guy wanted to make a movie and the first actor he thought of was Mickey Rourke. And that the first comparison he threw out was Raging Bull. Truly shocked. I will bet $1000 that when Carlo met with Rourke he pretended to shadow box him at first and then went “Ehhh!” and slapped him on the back and then they went out for a nice plate a spaghetti.
ROURKE: “So this hit man… did he have a parrot?”
Apparently Marvel and Paramount are considering converting Iron Man 2 to 3D at the last minute and are currently testing a converted one-minute clip of Mickey Rourke. The following rumor comes from Harry at AICN, so you’ll have to excuse the childlike writing and excessive exclamation points. (!!!!)
One birdy tweeted a secret tweet that put me on the scent [a secret tweet? how is the sound a whistle makes a secret? and how do you find the scent of a sound? does that require synesthesia? oh nevermind. -Ed] - and then I found other birdies to sing the same tune. So I can state that the following is absolutely true, though the final results have yet to be heard.
Right now, there is a 1 minute demo of IRON MAN 2 converted to high quality digital 3D. I’m told this one minute is totally like Kim Basinger & Mickey Rourke in 9 1/2 WEEKS. HOT! Crazy Hot! [they eat food in the sex scenes! that's why it gets me so horny!!!] Right now the Suits at Marvel & Paramount & now also Disney are considering this 1 minute.
At the same time that this is happening, they are fishing for bids with 3 different companies to see what the cost and time it would take to convert IRON MAN 2 to a complete 3D film. This same process is being done to Tim Burton’s ALICE IN WONDERLAND.
