When you’ve seen Tommy Boy in excess of 50 times like I have, you can remember and quote every scene. But even a casual viewer can probably remember the scene where they hit a deer and put it in the back seat, only to have it wake up and destroy the car. Ahh, the nineties, such a simpler time. Yeah, so, it turns out, almost that exact scene recently played out in Kalamazoo.

Kalamazoo Department of Public Safety Officer David Miller was on routine patrol, around 2:20 a.m. Tuesday, and checking parking lots. He encountered a suspicious person sitting in a parked vehicle behind a hotel in the 3700 block of E. Cork Street.
Officer Miller contacted the male, a Kalamazoo area resident, and the two had a brief discussion.
Miller’s attention was drawn to the trunk area of the vehicle. The man hit the trunk release and said, “I hit a deer, I figured you would want to see it.”

That’s interesting, because “I hit a deer, I figured you would want to see it” is actually listed at number four on my list of “The 10 Best Pick-Up Lines to Use in Kalamazoo.” Also, why was Miller’s attention “drawn to the trunk area of the car?” Was it the thumping sounds and braying?

The vehicle owner claimed to have a dead whitetail deer in the trunk. He said he accidently hit the animal with his car on an outlying area roadway, according to a news release. The man told Miller he intended on utilizing the meat from the road kill to feed his family. “The officer merely wanted to check on the tagging of the deer to make sure it was appropriately tagged with a kill permit or accident permit,” explained KDPS Lt. Stacey Geik.

Because, yeah, I’m sure a dude sitting in a parking lot at 2 am with a deer in his trunk that he planned on eating made sure to file a full report and complete all the relevant paperwork. “Here you go, officer, my ‘Permit to Bag and Eat Roadkill,’ filled out in triplicate.”

Miller cautiously opened the trunk and the deer sprang from the trunk.
“Oh, he’s still alive,” Miller exclaimed as the deer emerged.
The deer jumped to the ground, fell down, got up and then ran to a nearby wooded area.
“He held his ground nicely,” Lt. Giek said of Officer Miller. “So I’m proud of him.”

Yes, there is video.

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The “Harlem Shake” video fad is finally petering out, thankfully so for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which being that no one’s actually doing the Harlem Shake in them. As a Harlem resident commented, “I know the Harlem Shake, but that ain’t the Harlem Shake. They’re dry-humping air.”

But if you are going to dry hump air, you might as well do it in style, like the kids from Milford High School in suburban Detroit, who all got suspended for a Harlem Shake video that included upside-down air blow jobs and a kid air humping a live duck. As an animal lover, I know I shouldn’t encourage any behavior that might lead to mistreatment of animals, but… Well, I’m just going to leave these ellipses here. You do with them what you see fit.

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Remember A Beautiful Mind? That movie where Russell Crowe played a schizophrenic math professor who triumphantly overcame his paranoid delusions to bang Jennifer Connelly? Well, it turns out that the real-life version involves more meth, and more stripping butt naked during class and getting arrested. See, that’s the kind of schizophrenia most of us are used to. (Yes, I know A Beautiful Mind was already based on a true story, shut up).

A Michigan State University professor was taken into protective custody after students say he went on a naked rampage in the middle of class.
“My math teacher just stripped naked during class and was arrested! Go MSU!” one student wrote on Reddit, posting a blurry cell phone snap of a nude man sitting in the school hallway.
Students identified the professor on social media as John McCarthy, but the university wouldn’t confirm the man’s identity.
Police got a call Monday afternoon “about a man in the Michigan State University Engineering Building shouting in the hallway,” according to a statement posted on MSU’s website.
Students described the man as an “eccentric” mathematics professor who “smoked meth” and never seemed quite right.

So smoking meth is considered “eccentric.” God, I miss college.

“Halfway through class he started screaming at us, swearing left and right,” one student wrote on Reddit. “He then started slamming his hands on the window and pressing his face against it, still screaming. Eventually he walked out and down the hallway to the end, all while screaming. He then then came back into the classroom and took off his clothes, except for his socks.”

Those poor kids, damn teacher pulled a Richie Tenenbaum on them! Needle in the Haaaaaay….

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(Oh right, like I’m the a–hole for trying to make the picture relevant.)

Good news, Michigan: haha, no we haven’t fixed your sh–ty economy yet, but the Detroit Free Press is confirming that director Shawn Levy’s Real Steel will begin shooting this June, in the Wolverine State.

For those of you unfamiliar with movies about giant metal things that punch each other in the f–king face, Real Steel is the “incredibly human story” of the aforementioned genre; It’s like the Lorenzo’s Oil of robot movies. Hugh Jackman stars as an ex boxer who reconnects with his lost son while training a clunker robot to compete in the futuristic sport of robot boxing.

The movie will be filmed primarily in Michigan at locations in metro Detroit…’Real Steel’ has applied for the state’s film incentives and been approved, according to the Michigan Film Office. [source]

*pantomimes a camera lens with his hands*
Michigan, here we come baby. I can see it now:

EXTERIOR – DAY – AUTO GARAGE

Kid Rock rendition of Seger’s “Night Moves” plays on a radio.

HUGH JACKMAN: Son, there comes a time when you have to fight for what you believe in.

SON: I believe in you, dad. Now go out there and kick some robo-butt!

Jackman smiles at the boy. Reaches back and slaps his son across the face.

Eminem song carries over soundtrack.

FADE OUT -

-chodin