Harvey looks at the guy kicking his seat and briefly considers having him killed

I think Michelle Obama’s great, but even I thought it was weird to have the First Lady as a presenter at the Oscars. But of course, you can’t say that without everyone thinking you’re Rush Limbaugh. Anyway, if you were wondering how it all came about, the short answer is Harvey Weinstein. He probably arranged it with the other Learned Elders of Zion– uh, I mean, his friends.

Michelle Obama presenting best picture from the White House? It was Harvey Weinstein‘s daughter’s idea.
According to Film Academy president Hawk Koch, the plan came from Weinstein and his daughter, Lily. That led to Koch and Oscars producers Craig Zedan and Neil Meron boarding a secret flight to Washington, D.C. two weeks ago.
Once they arrived, they met Weinstein and his daughter, and met with members of the First Lady’s staff to hammer out the details.
The person seen via satellite who handed her the Best Picture envelope Robert Moritz, the chairman of PriceWaterhouse Coopers, who handed over the envelope containing the winner’s name.
Jack Nicholson, who had introduced the First Lady from the Dolby Theatre stage, was holding a second envelope with the winner — in case something went wrong and they lost the connection. [THR]

So basically, Harvey Weinstein’s daughter wanted the President’s wife on the show, and Harvey Weinstein made it so, all with a couple phone calls. I mean why wouldn’t he be able to call in favors from the President? I swear, if that guy wanted an endangered okapi to lick whipped cream off his balls, he could make it happen before he lost his hard on. I imagine Harvey Weinstein’s office to be dark and filled with fog, with a giant hologram of his head floating above the room while an assistant pulls ropes that make fire shoot out of the walls like the Wizard of Oz.

Picture source = cinemafestival / Shutterstock.com

Yesterday at a fundraiser with Michelle Obama present, Robert De Niro made the comment, “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” Because haha, get it? We’ve never had a black first lady before (Sally Hemmings notwithstanding). It’s funny because opposite day! We’ve already had more than 40 white first ladies! Nonetheless, Newt Gingrich seized on the opportunity to blast De Niro, calling his introduction “inexusable” and demanding that President Obama apologize for some reason, because Obama can apparently control celebrities from afar like Xenu. In a sane world, Gingrich would’ve been laughed out of the race for his transparent attempt to generate publicity off the back of a deliberate misunderstanding of a joke even a child could understand, but because the democrats are spineless pussies, determined to make even the choice between them and a human root vegetable like Gingrich a difficult one, Michelle Obama’s press secretary Olivia Adair even weighed in, calling De Niro’s comments “inappropriate.” SORRY YOUR FOOD WASN’T HOTTER, TROLLS! SINCERELY, OLIVIA ADAIR.

If De Niro had any balls, he’d ask them to return the money he raised at the benefit and demand Adair’s firing. Instead, he’s apologizing.

“My remarks, although spoken with satirical jest, were not meant to offend or embarrass anyone — especially the first lady,” De Niro said in a statement.

So congratulations, Robert De Niro and Olivia Adair, for helping make the world safe for fake outrage. I guess it was too much to ask for De Niro to call an apology press conference, take the podium in a freshly shaved mohawk, and tell the assembled reporters, “All the animals come out for election year – whores, punks, pussies, closet fairies, junkies, publicists. Someday a real rain will come and wash this scum off the streets.”

Next time, ask Pacino to host. This is how I imagine his introduction of the first lady going:

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Retard Pig crashes the party

Robert De Niro is in big trouble today for some provocative and inflammatory language he used the other day at OH GOD I CAN’T DO IT, THIS IS THE DUMBEST NON-CONTROVERSY OF ALL TIME SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP

Robert De Niro, who along with his wife, Grace Hightower (above right), hosted first lady Michelle Obama for a fund-raiser at their Manhattan eatery on Monday evening.
In introductions to the first lady before she addressed the crowd of about 85 people, De Niro quipped, “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” According to a pool report from the evening, the line drew a roar of laughs, and De Niro added, “Too soon, right?”

Too soon for what? A Leno monolog? That shit’s so tame Trump’s kid tried to shoot it.

The joke, coming from a figure who’s normally reticent in media interviews, drew a sharp rebuke from Newt Gingrich, who has staked part of his campaign on railing against media and Washington elites. He charged that De Niro’s remark was divisive and called on President Obama to apologize.

(*puts gun in mouth*)

“What De Niro said last night was inexcusable, and the president should apologize for him. It was at an Obama fund-raiser. It is exactly wrong; it divides the country,” Gingrich said, according to CNN.
“De Niro is rich enough he probably doesn’t notice the price of gasoline,” Gingrich said, per CNN. “He’s successful enough he probably doesn’t notice the unemployment rate. As the Hollywood actor, he might well be shortsighted enough he doesn’t understand what it might do to our children and our grandchildren.” [Variety]

(*cocks pistol*)

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