We don’t know much about Fast Flash to Bang Time, other than that it’s set to star Michelle Monaghan (right) as a sex addict and be directed by Peter Illif, who wrote Point Break and Varsity Blues (AH DON’T WANT. YOU’RE LAHFE!). Tell you what though, if you can find a title that could more easily be its own porn parody, I’ll give you a dollar.

W. Peter Iliff will write and direct the pic, which is set in Las Vegas, the last stop for FBI agents who have screwed up past assignments. Story follows a pair of troubled agents as they search for a killer and a kidnapped infant, all while struggling to hide addictions that could end their careers.
Monaghan is in talks to play a sex-addicted FBI agent and KK&P is still in the process of casting the crack-addicted male lead. [Variety]

Well that could be fun. Meanwhile, ThePlaylist adds an US Weekly wrinkle:

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Sci-fi action flick Source Code opens April 1st and Summit just made available the first five minutes for you to watch online.  As a general rule, there aren’t too many decent mainstream, wide-release Hollywood sci-fi movies anymore, but this one was directed by Duncan Jones, previously of the acclaimed Moon, who’s not only seen as an up and comer by sci fi nerds, but also holds the distinction of being possibly the only person in entertainment who changed his stage name to something less fancy.  Thanks to his dad being David Bowie, he was born “Zowie Bowie,” which he changed to Duncan Jones when he was 18.  I think a good way to tell you’ve failed at baby naming is if your kid decides he wants to be called “Duncan” while he’s still a teenager.

Anyway, the plot of Source Code is that the government has developed the technology to allow Jake Gyllenhaal to relive the last eight minutes of another guy’s life before he was awesomely exploded in a terrorist train bombing.  They want Jake to find the terrorist and prevent the next bombing, but of course all he wants to do is bang the dead guy’s dead girlfriend.  But is eight minutes enough time to convince a girl to bang you on a train when she doesn’t even know you’re a famous movie star?  Find out this April.

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Here’s the trailer for Source Code, starring Jake Yillinhoolahey and Michelle Monaghan, directed by Duncan Jones, previously of Moon (aka David Bowie’s son, Zowie — seriously).  The one-sentence concept?  In a Quantum Leap-esque conceit, soldier Jake Gyllenhaal can trade places with any other person and relive the last eight minutes of their life.  To catch a terrorist, he trades places with a guy who died in a train explosion. He has eight minutes to save the world, but Jake being Jake, he bangs the guy’s girlfriend first.

[HD available at Apple]

Here’s the new trailer for Made of Honor, whose poster I posted last week.

The worst part about it is that Kevin McKidd, the guy who played Lucius Vorenus in Rome (a real badass, btw), plays the other man – I kept expecting someone to get their head chopped off but instead it was just yuppies eating dinner and shopping for potpourri.

Being a guy is great though, isn’t it?  “He used to be a chauvinistic prick, but after his 153rd one night stand, he realized the error of his ways and decided to steal the one chick who’d always put up with his crap away from the one guy who actually respected her.  Fingers crossed!  Go get ‘em, McDreamy!” 

Reminds me of my favorite pickup line, courtesy of FilmDrunkard BDarbs – “I will be cold and distant like your father.” 

Here’s the new poster for Made of Honor, starring Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan.  It’s basically a dude version of My Best Friend’s Wedding, where some platonic loser goes to break up some awesome wedding as the maid of honor.  Hey, no what would make a wedding way better?  A ring bear.  Like a real bear, that you could feed live chickens during the ceremony (shit man, this is why I need a fianceé).

Made of Honor joins a proud tradition of Maid/Made titled movies that includes Maid of Honor, Maid to Order, Maid in Manhattan, Maid for Each Other, Maid in America, Man Maid, American Maid…  and I have high hopes that this one will suck equally massive wang.

Ooh, and guess what the tagline is – “An Unbridaled Comedy”!  Oh my God, what did I do to deserve this PUNishment!!