Review: Man of Steel

Written by Vince Mancini / 06.12.13
Man-of-steel-Christ-pose

From the book of Lens Flares, 22:37

I still don’t think anyone has made an amazing Superman movie, but at least Man of Steel made me believe that it’s possible. 

After The Avengers and now Man of Steel, I think there needs to be a name for the phenomenon where a comic book movie attracts incredible production talent, who proceed to write some of the most inspired, creative, entertaining popcorn movie content ever created, only to be hamstrung in the end by their own nerdish worship of the weak source material. Back in writing workshop, there was a frequently repeated phrase you’d hear in critiques where people would point to the top of your piece and say “this feels like throat clearing.”

Basically, it means you had these germs of an idea or ideas at the beginning that sparked some connection in your brain that eventually lead to something so much better, and now you just need to go back and delete those half-formed origin thoughts. Man of Steel feels like Christopher Nolan and David Goyer and company were inspired by the idea of a showdown between Superman and General Zod, to create an even better story about what it means to be Superman. But in the end they just couldn’t bring themselves to cut those cables of homage to the initial inspiration. Thus we’re left with an inspiring, beautiful origin story grafted onto an anti-climactic hero/villain showdown, and all the the hackneyed tropes that go along with it.

Seriously, is there some rule I don’t know about where every superhero movie has to have a scene of the hero flying into the mouth of a giant laser pointed at Earth? Look, Drunk Randy Quaid in Independence Day is the best that scene’s ever going to get, so stop trying.

Man of Steel‘s most impressive accomplishment was to make me think, “Wow, Superman, huh? What a great story. Why hasn’t anyone been able to make an amazing movie out of this before?”

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Check Out The Final ‘Man Of Steel’ Trailer

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.22.13

In case you weren’t sold by the first, second, fifth, second to last, foreign language, or Taiwanese News Agency trailers, here is the final Man of Steel trailer to convince you to go see it when the film is finally released on June 14. You know, in case you choose not to go back and see The Internship for a fourth time, because you just can’t get enough of that zany Vince Vaughn-Owen Wilson bromance.

In this latest trailer, we get the full General Zod treatment as he’s all like, “Stop hiding, Kal El” and Superman is all, “Come on, Zod, everyone calls me Superman here”. And then Superman yells a bunch while Zod makes us puny humans pay for hiding the Man of Steel.

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Michael Shannon offers competing dramatic reading of that insane sorority email

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.22.13

By now you’ve probably heard about the email a Maryland Delta Gamma named Rebecca sent her sorority sisters that Drew broke over at Deadspin last week. Rebecca truly has a way with words, and it was only through her letter that I discovered the path to my heart is paved with “cunt punts” and calling your friends a bunch of goddamn boners (*swoon*). If Burnsy and I’s fratboy alter-ego has a chapter, Rebecca would definitely by its sweetheart (RIP, Blowjob Stacey). Anyway, Funny or Die recently conscripted Michael Shannon to do a dramatic reading of the email, imbuing it with the menace that only General Zod/Nelson Van Alden could bring.

You can never have too much Michael Shannon, though it should be said, Alison Haislip already beat them to the punch:

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Man of Steel Trailer: Russell Crowe says Superman is your God now

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.17.13

Today brings us the longest trailer yet for Man of Steel, the Zack Snyder-directed, Christopher Nolan-produced Superman movie starring Amy Adams and Henry Cavill, with Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner as Superman’s adopted gay dads. Zack Snyder rightly got a lot of flak after Sucker Punch for his penchant for excessive slow motion and ridiculously over-stylized everything, but now that he’s making a Superman movie and not a weird, thickly-veiled allegory for child rape, all the epic affectations actually seem like they fit. This is… a pretty badass trailer. I kind of want Russell Crowe to narrate my life now. And if Michael Shannon manages to be half as scary as General Zod as he was as that Jew-drowning psychopath on Boardwalk Empire, this is going to be amazing and small children will pee their pants when they see it.

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Truth, Justice, Beards: Man of Steel has a new trailer

Written by Vince Mancini / 12.11.12

People like to badmouth the choice of Zack Snyder to direct Warner’s Superman reboot, Man of Steel, but if you throw out Sucker Punch, which was indeed terrible, he did a decent job with The Watchmen, and if you can handle Dr. Manhattan, it seems to follow that you should be able to handle Superman, who’s just Dr. Manhattan with underpants. Anyway, here’s the latest trailer for Man of Steel, screenplay by David S. Goyer and Christpher Nolan, starring Henry Cavill as Superman, Dianne Lane as Martha Kent (way too attractive to be named “Martha”), and cameos from Kevin Costner as Pa Kent, Russell Crowe as Jor-El, Michael Shannon as General Zod, and Amy Adams as Lois Lane. There don’t seem to be any Justice League hints, thank God, but neither does Zod flog himself or drown any Jews a la Boardwalk Empire. Call it a wash.

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