As mentioned in the previous post, the New York Film Critics Circle had their awards ceremony this week, and as a three-time former chairman of the circle, our favorite old curmudgeonarion thesaurasaurus Armond White was in the audience. At one point, Michael Moore took the stage to present an award for How to Survive a Plague, at which point White and a friend began to heckle him, shouting “F*ck you!”, which is much less Armond White-like than when he shouted “Ethel Waters!” at Viola Davis last year.

Moore was on hand to present the award for Best First Film to David France, whose feature “How to Survive a Plague” is a salute to ACT UP, the radical protest group whose most notorious action was to send thousands of protesters to St. Patrick’s Cathedral during the Christmas season in 1989. Dozens stormed into the December Mass to disrupt the prayers and desecrate the Host, which Catholics believe is the Body of Christ. A stunned John Cardinal O’Connor looked on in horror. The publicity stunt was denounced by David Dinkins, Mario Cuomo, Ed Koch and the Coalition for Gay and Lesbian Rights.

Moore, saluting the ACT UP film, said the American public was indifferent to the AIDS crisis as it happened and indeed breathed “almost a collective sigh of relief that it [AIDS] was primarily victimizing gay men.” Moore went on to say he liked the film’s reminder that “the Cardinal couldn’t get through Mass at St. Patrick’s.”

Moore stated, “I personally like that one. I say that as a former seminarian.” But White and a friend shouted, “[Bleep] you!” “You liar!” “Shut up!” and “Drop dead!”

Moore responded, “I’ve pissed off the Catholics,” and began a blessing in Latin. He then went on to say that “those who would deify Reagan and Pope John Paul II are responsible for the deaths of thousands of people . . . because of their bigotry.”

You see, in the world of Armond White, Catholicism is almost as sacrosanct as those benefirous priapizians of modern masculinity, Neveldine and Taylor, whose effervesphorescent tours de force in multi-dimensionarious explosiatalitarianism out-patinas the lambency of even Paul WS Anderson and Jack and Jill. As such, a vulgar interloafer like Michael Moore must be punished with the most withering pejoratives in the junior high milieu. Read the rest of this entry »

Image via Shutterstock

In my continued attempts to explain film-related legal issues in a more simple, straightforward manner than you will see in most mainstream outlets, I bring you this news: Michael Moore and the Weinstein brothers have settled their lawsuit over the profits from Fahrenheit 9/11.

Basically, here’s what happened: A couple chubby blowhards worked together to make a movie about 9/11, and the movie made a cubic buttload of money. Then the one blowhard was like “Okay, here’s your cut” and the other blowhard was all “Yo this seems a little light, ése” and the first blowhard was like “Eh, blow me.” So the second blowhard was like “I am going to do a bunch of research about this, okay I am done with the research now and you hid 2.7 million big ones in profits to avoid paying me” and the first blowhard was all “I repeat, blow me. And if anyone in the press is listening you can quote me on that.” Then the second blowhard went “I’ll see you in court” and the first blowhard screamed “THHUUUNNDDEEERRDDOOOMMEEE” — which is a standard answer to a complaint in California — so they went to court and ended up settling all secret-like for an undisclosed amount.

In summation, my OFFICIAL LEGAL ANALYSIS is that both of these guys should probably lose a couple pounds or calm down a little because all this stress can’t be good for their hearts. Here to help.

Comments of the week time again, folks.  For today’s winner, I’ve got a copy of Capitalism: A Love Story on DVD to give away.  It releases on DVD and Blu-Ray this TUESDAY, MARCH 9th. Check it out, because they give me free stuff, and I like that.  Anyway, I love a good George Lucas joke, and in George Lucas Has an Idea for Indy 5, CROOOOW delivers:

CROOOOW!
 says:

KALIMAH, KALIMAH!

*Lucas pulls a sandwich out of his fridge*

Simple.  Brilliant.  And a close runner up, Mark it Zero’s sublime impression of R. Lee Ermey in the Eyes Wide Shut post:

TODAY ON MAIL CALL, YOU SLACK-JAWED FAGGOTS WANTED TO SEE HOW A HAND GRENADE WORKS. WELL, BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELTS AND CUP YOUR BALLS. THAT OVER THERE IS A CORN-FED HOG STRAIGHT FROM KENTUCKY.

*pulls pin, lobs grenade*

THREE, TWO, BACON! HOOOOOOOOOOO RAAHHHHHHH!

Read the rest of this entry »

   Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage.

Below is the trailer for Michael Moore’s Capitalism: A Love Story. Here’s CHUD with a description of the film:

Capitalism: A Love Story shows the filmmaker taking aim at the people that made our economy a mess, pulling out big money sacks and trying to get all the cash back to the American people. If he can find it, that is.
But is it simply a documentary? Not according to Moore. “It’s a crime story,” he says. “But it’s also a war story about class warfare. And a vampire movie, with the upper 1 percent feeding off the rest of us. And, of course, it’s also a love story. Only it’s about an abusive relationship. It’s not about an individual, like Roger Smith, or a corporation, or even an issue, like health care. This is the big enchilada. This is about the thing that dominates all our lives — the economy. I made this movie as if it was going to be the last movie I was allowed to make.”
“It’s a comedy.”

Michael Moore gives me douche chills, but I’ll probably like this movie anyway. Because I hate somewhat rich filmmakers less than I hate obscenely rich CEOs.  Now, I’m not saying I’m poor, but my car is old enough to vote.  Which is why you guys should stop judging our forbidden love. Like my daddy says, “If it’s old enough to rust, have sex with that car.”

He drinks.

Read the rest of this entry »

Airplane! Director David Zucker, who most recently directed Scary Movie 3 and 4, converted to Republicanism in 2004, which probably explains why the trailer for his An American Carol is premiering on Bill O’Reilly’s show.

An anti-American filmmaker who’s out to abolish the July Fourth holiday is visited by three ghosts who try to show him the country’s good sides.

The trailer describes the main character as “America’s Most Infamous Filmmaker,” and is played by Kevin Farley, Chris Farley’s most unfamous sibling.  Put down that noose, Frank Stallone, there’s hope for you yet.