I wanted to like this movie, I really did.  Seemed like a good hook – solid ensemble cast and veteran director do a movie about 30s bank robbers ostensibly aimed at adults.  No toy commercials?  You promise?  Okay, sailor, buy me a drink and let’s see where this leads.

Johnny Depp plays John Dillinger, the prototypical cocky outlaw.  “I like baseball, movies, good clothes, fast cars, whiskey…and you.  What else ya need to know?”

Snappy line there, handsome.  And it sounds good at first.  Only after a while, you feel like there is more you need to know.  Namely, what the hell is this movie about?  Is it about Dillinger and the brash young FBI director, J. Edgar Hoover (awesomely played by Billy Crudup – coulda used more of him), manipulating the press and going head to head in the court of public opinion?  Is it about old-school outlaws like Dillinger becoming obsolete in favor of mobsters, who do their stealing behind closed doors?  Is it about Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) learning that “modern” crimefighting still requires old fashioned toughness?  Is it a love story?  (I hope not, because most of Dillinger’s interactions with Billie Frechette (Marion Cotillard) involve him telling her what to say and then repeating his demand until she complies.  How romantic.  He must f*ck like a Jedi.)

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The second trailer for Michael Mann’s Public Enemies went up today on MSN, which sadly doesn’t allow embeds, and everyone else’s rip is kinda weak.  It’s similar to bong smoking in that regard.  *pushes glasses back up nose*

Nonetheless, this movie still gives me a fairly turgid nerd boner – Depp plays John Dillinger, Christian Bale the FBI agent on his trail, etc., etc.  My only real reservation is that Billy Crudup (as J. Edgar Hoover) seems to be the only one doing an awesome period Jimmy Cagney accent.  You just know if this was a high school theater production, every kid in it would be walking around school flashing finger guns at each other and saying “Lookie heah, see?” for months.  Man, those kids were f-ing annoying.

Every time I see some shakey cam garbage like Quantum of Solace or some hyper stylized artsturbation, I silently pray for the day when Michael Mann will come out with another action flick and show these limp d-cks how it’s done.  Hopefully that day is July 1st when Public Enemies opens. It stars Johnny Depp as John Dillinger, Christian Bale as Melvin Purvis (the FBI agent chasing John Dillinger), and Marion Cotillard as Billie Frechette (no idea who either of those people are).  Man, this looks awesome.  I’m also pretty jealous of how Johnny Depp tells girls he robs banks and they just melt. I try telling them I’m a movie blogger and they’re usually just all like, “So, you gonna order or what? I’m gonna have to put you on hold.”
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One of the movies I’m most looking forward to this year is Michael Mann’s 30s gangster flick Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Billy Crudup and pretty much every hot dude ever.  I mean, I didn’t mean to imply that I was looking forward to it because of the hot dudes… I just meant I’m looking forward to it, and it also happens to have hot dudes. I don’t even know why I said that.  I think maybe there’s some subliminal shit going on with the poster.  You tricked me into staring at Johnny Depp’s crotch again, Satan!  Crap, I think I need to go re-watch Fireproof a few more times.

Public Enemies is director Michael Mann’s latest project, and it marks the eagerly anticipated return of Stephen Dorff, whose performance in Feardotcom inspired a generation. Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are in it too. Empire has the first official stills.

Described as a sort of Heat II, the film tells the story of charismatic criminal gang leader John Dillinger (Depp) and determined lawman Melvin Purvis (Bale), the FBI agent tracking him down. Also in the cast is Marion Cotillard as Dillinger’s girlfriend, Channing Tatum, Giovanni Ribisi, David Wenham, Leelee Sobieski and Emilie de Ravin, with Billy Crudup as the legendary J. Edgar Hoover.

I think I speak for all the heterosexual males readers when I say, this won’t be the first time I’ve pictured Billy Crudup in lipstick and a dress.  I mean… because I wanted to seem him demonstrate his range as an actor.  What?  Hey, so how ’bout that one football game the other day.

Ahh, poor J. Edgar Hoover.  Practically founded the FBI, and the first thing people still think when they hear his name is “that dude who wears women’s panties.”