This is the trailer for Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too.  Why Did I Get Married was on cable over the break, and I finally had the chance to watch (most of) a Tyler Perry movie.  It was exactly how you’d expect: melodramatic, preachy, dumbed-down, and super judgmental; full of awkward sincerity with no self-awareness, like a lot of churchy, self-help types.

Part two promises more of the same. The fat chick and her new boyfriend, the guy she found who’d love her for what she has on the inside (bacon wrapped doughnuts) go on vacation with Janet Jackson, the bitchy skinny chick, Black Dynamite, and that other guy.  But this time, (*record scratch*) SOMEONE’S! NOT! COMING! BACK!   I’ve got my fingers crossed that Michael Jai White karate kicks someone to death, but the more likely scenario is someone getting cancer to teach us all a very important lesson about Christmas Shoes.

(TYLUR PARRY HYPNOTIZED BAH CAKE, OM NOM NOM NOM)

[via Urlesque]

I saw an early version of Black Dynamite, and though the last half sorta sucked, I’d still recommend it because the first half is the best spoof since Naked Gun or Airplane!. And because they sent me this t-shirt and novelty pen shaped like a syringe.  My love of free t-shirts aside, they’ve had such an awesome marketing campaign that it’ll almost be a shame when the movie comes out next month, especially for all my cats, who lose their appetite when I walk around shirtless.  Anyway, here’s some new clips from the “Fight Smack in the Orphanage” campaign, plus the new trailer below (which I wouldn’t recommend watching unless you want some of the best lines ruined).  If Michael Jai White doesn’t become the next big star from this, I’m going to Karate chop three gingers a day, chosen at random, until Hollywood complies with my demands.  *menacingly ties drawstring on sweatpants*

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If Black Dynamite star Michael Jai White doesn’t become the next big action hero, the terrorists have won.  This is the trailer for the direct-to-DVD fight flick, Blood and Bone.  Starring MICHAEL JAI WHITE, as… ISAIAH BONE.  You might also notice a couple cameos by professional giant black guys Kimbo Slice and Bob Sapp. But pay special attention to the 1:17 mark, where Michael Jai White KICKS FOUR GUYS IN THE FACE BEFORE HE HITS THE GROUND!  OOH WHA-AA AA-AA!

White stars as an ex-con drawn into LA’s underground fight rings to fulfill a promise to a dead friend and leaves a pretty hefty count of broken bones and bloody noses behind him.  [Twitch]

So basically, it’s like the black version of Never Back Down, which automatically makes it roughly 10 times cooler than Never Back Down.  Plus, no Cam Gigandet, which is worth another 15.  Oh, and Gina Carano guest stars, which means I get to post my favorite gif:

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It was probably a little unfair of me to skip all the good stuff David Carradine did and go straight to the ropes-tied-around-the-genitals-in-Bangkok jokes.  As penance, here’s a deleted scene from Kill Bill in which Carradine has an awesome sword fight with Michael Jai White, aka Black Dynamite.  White’s scenes got cut from Kill Bill, probably because he tried to talk like The Stath the whole time.  “Oi, todaiy’s da day you doy, donnit.  Now ‘and me moy sword, ya worfless cunts.”

…Wow, this whole “tribute post” idea got away from me pretty fast, didn’t it.  Anyway, R.I.P., homey.  (*pours out some KY on the ground*)
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There’s not much about my job I enjoy more than posting new clips from Black Dynamite (see also: here, here, and here).  It opens at the Tribeca fest today, and for everyone else on September 4th.  The above clip is called “Dojo Fight” and I’ve got a couple more clips after the jump, and still more over at Twitch. I finagled an early cut of the film, and the for the first 40 minutes it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen.  The last 20, unfortunately, is nearly unwatchable, so I hope they’ve done something about it since then.  Speaking of endings, I’m currently working on a remake of Citizane Kane starring Vin Diesel, called Big Daddy Kane.  SPOILER ALERT: Rosebud’s a barracuda.
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