I’m not even getting cute with that headline, that’s the actual story.  It sounds like it was written by the Family Guy manatees, but Michael Jackson used to make prank phone calls to Russell Crowe.

The brooding hunk [say what now?] has revealed that after he shot to fame in police thriller L.A. Confidential, he gained a series of new celebrity friends. He became good pals with the late singing superstar and the pair shared a similar sense of humour so often played pranks on each other. Jackson would regularly phone Crowe and try to convince him he was in trouble, much to the actor’s amusement.

“A gruff voice would say something was wrong, then this tiny little voice said, ‘Don’t worry. This is Michael,’” Crowe told GQ magazine.

Crowe admits he hasn’t always been the victim of prank phone calls – he has also made some in the past. When he was shooting L.A. Confidential, the star would leave rude voice mails for James Ellroy, who wrote the book the movie was based on. During one message, Russell left a rhyme for James which said, “Woof-woof, hear the demon dog bark. He’s got a 12-inch wanger and it glows in the dark”. [Stuff via ScreenJunkies]

It’s unfortunate, all this time I thought that when Russell Crowe shouted “HERE’S JACKO” and fired a cell phone at my skull, it was because he was upset that the buffet ran out early.  Turns out he was just excited because Michael Jackson was on the phone.  You are a cool dude, Russell Crowe.  You relate well to people.  Don’t let anyone tell you different.  No one else could tell a story about a 90-pound Scientologist with a prosthetic nose and still come off the crazy one.  I wonder if it’s Russell Crowe who’s been prank calling me.  Sometimes I pick up the phone late at night and all I hear is thirty odd foot of grunts.

In people buying songs they already have news, the soundtrack to This is It hit number one on the Billboard charts this week, selling 373,000 copies.  Nothing against people wanting to own the soundtrack, I guess, the songs are still good.  But to everyone who rushed out to see the movie or who really wants to see the movie or thinks the movie is great, go ahead and line up behind white guys with dreadlocks, people who listen to techno in car, people who own TapouT gear (Tommy TapouTs), and the viewership of Two and a Half Men.  May we never have to hang out.

[video via SecretSauceTV]

(The premiere was truly a tard-studded affair.)

Did you really believe Sony all those times they promised This is It would only run in theaters for two-weeks?  Aw, that’s cute.  You probably believed the doorman outside the nearly-empty club when he said he was making you wait outside because of “fire codes.”  And if his place looks a little more popular because of you that’s just a coincidence, right?  Look, just don’t buy coke off the bathroom attendant, okay?  Trust me.  I’ll tell you about all these scams and more if you’ll just step inside my windowless van.

Now the film will play through Thanksgiving weekend in the United States. Canada and most international territories will be announcing extensions of various lengths soon. In a press statement, Jeff Blake, the chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment Worldwide Marketing & Distribution, explained: “In just 5 days, Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT has become the highest grossing concert film of all time and we are elated by the response to this special film by fans, critics and moviegoers from all over the world. With this kind of global response, it’s clear that the motion picture deserves an extended run and we are going to do everything we can to make the film available to everyone who wants to see Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT on the big screen.” [DHD]

“Because of the overwhelmingly sub-par opening of the film we tried to artificially stimulate advanced ticket sales for, we’re breaking all our promises in the hopes of making more money off a dead guy.  No one expects us to tell the truth anyway.  It’s because we have no integrity, you see.”

[picture source]

Just last week the This is It people were crowing about their movie being the third-highest advanced ticket seller of 2009, and AEG (the concert company) predicted it would make $250 million in the first five days.  Domestically, it made $21.3 million for the weekend, which is less than Funny People made and that was considered a bomb.  It was the number one movie of the weekend, but it was also the only major release, so it basically had no competition. Worldwide five-day total: $101 million.  Which if you’re doing the math at home, is a lot less than $250 million.  Less than a third if my numbers serve me… carry the one… aw crap I hate myself.

Elsewhere, Paranormal Activity continued to kick ass and may eventually get to $100 million.  Couples Retreat and Law Abiding Citizen both held well, proving that mediocrity still holds sway, I guess.  Meanwhile, Where the Wild Things Are fell another 63.8%, meaning it’ll have to try to earn back its $100 million budget on DVD.

Astro Boy and Cirque Du Freak are bombs.  Guess kids are too young for a character that looks like Bob’s Big Boy, and maybe a kids movie with a French title wasn’t the best idea.  Shocking, I know.

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(Get a job.)

The only major release this week is This is It, the Michael Jackson movie.  I have no interest in seeing it (not because of a knee-jerk about him being a pedophile or anything like that, I’m just really, really sick of hearing about him) and I can’t imagine why anyone would, but it already made $2.2 million.  And it’ll probably make a lot more because, hey, no competition.  The only good thing I can imagine about it is seeing the dedication “For Blanket.”

The big limited releases are Gentleman Broncos, which is looking like a stinker, and Boondock Saints II, which, as I’ve already noted, is like watching a gorilla finger paint.  Black Dynamite is still playing in New York, L.A., Atlanta, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Seattle.  Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s Friday and I’m going to go get drunk.  Oh, and here’s a picture a dog dressed like Jackie O.  Happy Halloween.

[via NYMag]