Review: Prometheus

Written by Vince Mancini / 06.08.12

"Yes, Dave, my penis is huge. Would you like to see it?"

I read a piece on David Fincher recently where he described a distinction between “films” and “movies.” He says The Game is a movie, Fight Club is a film. “A movie is made for an audience and a film is made for an audience and the filmmakers,” he explained. The way I extrapolate that statement is that I imagine a film as something that asks and attempts to answer the big questions, whereas a movie just sort of references them to use as playthings. You could say it’s the difference between art and entertainment, but let’s not, because I’d rather piss hot thumb tacks than get hung up arguing the semantics of “art.” Point being, what I found most compelling about Prometheus was they way it keeps you wondering whether you’re watching a “movie” or a “film,” schlock or philosophy.

It starts off as your basic, rag-tag-team-of-scientists plot. Noomi Rapace and Logan Marshall-Green play a husband-and-wife team researching similarities between ancient civilizations’ depiction of aliens. I could go into more detail, but long story short, as Rapace says, “I think they want us to come and find them!” Yeah, totally, that’s why they got some cavemen to draw their planetary system in wooly mammoth dung and hid it inside a cave 2,000 years ago. “The humans are sure to figure this one out!” they were probably thinking. But Rapace and Green are convinced that the aliens are some kind of race of “engineers,” who created humans.

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Michael Fassbender Still Fassbender-y in Prometheus Trailer Made Out of Paper

Written by Josh Kurp / 06.04.12

I really don’t feel like talking about that Iron Man 3 photo, because it’s a single picture of an uncompleted scene for a sequel to a crappy sequel, so instead: here’s the Prometheus trailer — made entirely out of paper. *cardboard record scratch* Unlike “EVERY SIMPSONS SCENE PLAYING AT ONCE,” this video, made by Travis Betz, wasn’t a complete waste of time; it’s visually impressive, so much so that I’m not even going to add an “arts and farts” comment. Plus, Paper F. Assbender — wiener popsicle stick? — is rather adorable.

In related news, I cannot wait to see Prometheus.

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Michael Fassbender says peeing cost him the Oscar

Written by Vince Mancini / 05.15.12

Over the course of his career, Michael Fassbender has delivered command performances in a number of films, including Peenturion, X-Men: Girth Class, A Dongerous Method, Haywang, and the upcoming Promethenis. And yet all these pinheads on the internet seem to want to talk about is his big ol’ wiener! Could it be that all this ween-centric media coverage has cost him main-stream accolades?  The talk hole above the Fassmember sure seems to think so.

Setting aside the totality of what Fassbender does in Shame, there is one moment where I thought: “I’m not sure I’ve ever sat in the cinema and watched someone do that.” It is not where he is facing toward the camera, naked. It is when you see him actually piss.

“I know,” he says. Usually for movie pissing the liquid you see is actually coming from a hidden tube, but he was nude. For the first two takes, he wasn’t able to do anything, but he announced on-set before the third that it would happen, and it did. “Actually pretty proud,” he says. And then he laughs and says—more blurts out, really—”That peeing cost me an Oscar.”

Reached for comment, Mark Wahlberg said, “Hey, tell me about it. I took this fowah yeahs ago.”

"Turn awff the cambra, loozah, yoah gonna cawst me an Oscah!"

Fassbender wasn’t really serious about the peeing being to blame, but he says all the Oscar buzz did eventually get to him and turned into a letdown when he wasn’t nominated. As for Prometheus, Fassbender’s sensitive robot schtick (which I could watch all damn day) was apparently modeled after Lawrence of Arabia, as was the haircut:

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17 new images from Prometheus: Theron Butt, RoboFassbender

Written by Vince Mancini / 05.10.12

I’m red-green colorblind myself, so this could be a little off-base, but most of the trailers and spots we’ve seen from Prometheus thus far have seemed mostly grey and steel-colored and desaturated. In this new batch of 17 images released at EW, many from the set in Iceland (like the one above), we get lots of vivid blues and yellows. Neat? I mean, I like colors. Also, there’s Charlize Theron’s butt looking all hot in her supertight space pants. In fact, I put this picture at the top because it showed the most butt. That’s an old blogger trick.

After The Avengers and Dark Knight Rises, it seems like Prometheus, which opens June 8th, is the next most-anticipated movie of the summer. But that could just be my love of Robot F. Assbender talking. Look at him, I just want to go everywhere with him, experience the world through his gentle robot eyes.

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CONFIRMED: Prometheus will be rated R

Written by Vince Mancini / 05.07.12

UPDATE: Fox has since confirmed that Prometheus will indeed be rated R.

When possibly cocaine-loving Fox CEO Tom Rothman was asked at CinemaCon whether Prometheus would be rated R or PG-13, he told the audience:

“I can assure the fans—I’m very aware of their concern—absolutely they can take it that the film will not be compromised either way.  So if that means that the film is R, then it’ll be an R.  If it’s PG-13, then it’ll be a PG-13, but it will not be compromised.”

“The film will not be compromised” seemed like CEO code for “it will definitely be PG-13 so we can make more money, but don’t freak out, nerds, it will still be good.” And that’s a shame, because a PG-13 Alien prequel sounds kind of shitty. The good news is, an IMDB user bought a pre-sale ticket recently, and the stub seems to indicate that it’s rated R:

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