“Bye movie!”

Hey, remember earlier today when Vince was all, “Gavin O’Connor is replacing Lynne Ramsay as director on Jane Got a Gun because she completely no-showed on the first day of filming and everyone was like, WTF lady”? But then the movie people were like, “Chill out everyone, we’re going to be fine because we already lost Michael Fassbender before and we replaced him with Joel Edgerton, but we still have Jude Law and Natalie Portman, so this movie is going to be just fine”.

Well… about that.

While the troubled independent feature Jane Got A Gun got a new director this morning in Gavin O’Connor, fallout continues from Monday’s abrupt exit of helmer Lynne Ramsay. I’m told that Jude Law has formally withdrawn from the film. It is because he signed on to work with Ramsay, best known for the edgy drama We Need To Talk About Kevin. The producers of Jane Got A Gun have tried to hold its cast together when Ramsay stepped out, and this is the second significant star to drop out in the past few weeks. (Via Deadline)

What is still the strangest thing about this maligned film production is that Ramsay hasn’t broken her silence about why she just said, “F*ck it” and decided to bail. Fassbender’s excuse was that the production interferes with X-Men: Days of Future Past, which is clearly more important (even though they’ve cast Booboo Stewart, which is just bullsh*t). And Law’s excuse is that he thought he’d be working with another director, which is kind of a cheap shot at O’Connor, but a guy should be able to choose his boss, right?

So what’s Ramsay’s excuse? There are whispers that maybe she was forced out by the producers, but who knows? Well, I don’t have word from the disappearing director herself, but I do, in a super FilmDrunk exclusive, have the next best thing…

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Terrence Malick’s untitled project has been causing quite a stir in Texas, where it is being filmed, as stars Natalie Portman and Michael Fassbender already showed up at a recent Texas Longhorns game, inducing one of the world’s largest collective orgasms on record. But as I previously pointed out, the folks at Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium were spared exposure to the film’s entire sexy cast, as it also stars Ryan Gosling.

Apparently the stars of this film are traveling under a rule of 2/3 because Gosling and Fassbender showed up at the Spooky Skedaddle 5K on Saturday at the Texas School for the Deaf sans Portman, which caused all the boys to sign, “What the hell?” The event, which sounds like it was named by Gosling, raises money for the foundation’s “Language for All” campaign, and thanks to the presence of Baby Goose and Michael F. Assbender, this year’s event raised $22,000, due to some clever advertising by the school’s staff.

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"Cheers, to another franchise."

As a studio, in the year of our Lord 2012, the formula for making a movie is simple. Find whatever popular source material you can, be it comic book, video game, or cereal box, and have some joker write it up (known as the “writer”). Then “leak” to the press that you’ve cast a very big name to get the fans excited. But whom shall you cast? Thankfully, these days you’re only allowed to sign Channing Tatum or Michael Fassbender. Why? Because those fellas have the verve, the panache, and the mysterious “buzz” that the French often refer to as “le grand pénis” to make your film a “surefire hit”. Spend a weekend shooting the film, release a countdown clock to when the international teaser trailer launches, and then you count your money. Easy peasy lemon squeazy.

Perfect world? You adapt the movie back into a video game based “somewhat” on the original game the film was “loosely” based upon. Both should be considered “dark” and “gritty” if you’re doing it right. There you go. Now you’re a swordboat captain. Is there anything better in the world?

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"So what do you say, bro? Should I cut out carbs, or just try to get more cardio? Are you full-paleo?"

Don’t worry, folks, this is the rare story with a question mark in the headline that will actually answer the question. Our pals at

NUMBER ONE, ENGAGE.

In the scene David is learning the building blocks of language and we see him taking a lesson in Proto-Indo-European (PIE) Linguistics, where a holographic professor, takes him through the ABC’s and recites Schleicher’s Fable. An artificial text composed in the reconstructed PIE, in 1868, to demonstrate the language’s use.

hjewɪs jasmə hwælnə nahəst akʷunsəz dadʳkta (Translated as: a sheep that had no wool saw horses) – Excerpt from Schleicher’s Fable – The Sheep and the Horses

The ‘Professor’ in the clip is in fact the real-life linguistics consultant used for the film and taught Michael Fassbender (David) the dialogue. I managed to track down the consultant, a Dr. Anil Biltoo of the SOAS Language Centre in London, to see if he could shed some light on the mysterious final scene. He was most helpful and provided the following:

BWAHAHAHA, “DR. ANIL!” HIS NAME IS DR. ANAL! Oh, man. I don’t know if “Dr. Anal” is the right person to teach me about PIE, ifyouknowwhatahmsayin.

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[via ToplessRobot]

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