Here we have the trailer for Last Vegas, directed by Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure, Sorcerer’s Apprentice) and written by Adam Brooks (Bridget Jones Diary, Practical Magic) and Dan Fogelman (Crazy Stupid Love, Fred Claus), a creative dream team united by their love of collecting easy paychecks. Like all horrible paycheck movies, everything you need to know about it is in the title. Four old guys – Robert Deniro, Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline – are getting back together for one wild weekend in Vegas for Michael Douglas’s bachelor party, and to the actors’ credit, none of them seem to mind that Al Pacino and Christopher Walken already made this movie like three months ago. Like an uncredited sequel to Michael Haneke’s Amour, it’s an unflinching look at the ravages of Father Time, who’ll gradually take away everything you have, starting with the ability to recognize when a script is patronizing you.

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Mother of God, is that a Hawaiian shirt made out of peacock feathers? WANT.

It may seem like we’ve seen a lot of trailers for Steven Soderbergh’s Liberace movie lately, but one of those was actually The Great Gatsby trailer. In any case, today brings the longest trailer yet for Behind the Candelabra, which premieres May 26th, starring Michael Douglas as Liberace and Matt Damon as his lovaah Scott Thorsen (please, no lisp jokes). Soderbergh has been on a roll after Magic Mike and Side Effects, so I’d love to see him prove all the studios who thought it was “too gay” – this in a world where Glee enjoys wild popularity and the Disney Channel styles all of its stars like fastidious homosexuals – wrong.

But I dunno, man. First Jeremy Irons says I have to gay marry my dad, and now the guy from Basic Instinct has to play the gayest man in the world? Thanks a lot, Obama.

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Steven Soderbergh’s film, Behind the Candelabra, starring Matt Damon and Michael Douglas, is set to hit HBO this Spring, and according to Soderbergh, speaking at the Television Critics Association press tour over the weekend, the only reason it’s not getting a theatrical release is that every studio in town told him it was “too gay.” This despite it costing only $5 million to make, having a name director, and starring Matt Damon and Michael Douglas. (*spits out coffee*) Hold on, Liberace is GAY?!

“Nobody would make it. We went to everybody in town,” the “Traffic” and “Ocean’s 11″ director told TheWrap on Friday, at the Television Critics Association winter press tour. “We needed $5 million. Nobody would do it.”

“They said it was too gay. Everybody. This was after ‘Brokeback Mountain,’ by the way. Which is not as funny as this movie. I was stunned. It made no sense to any of us.”

“They’re great and they’re really good at what they do, and ultimately I think more people will see it, and that’s all you care about,” Soderbergh said. “Studios were going, ‘We don’t know how to sell it. They were scared.’” [Yahoo/TheWrap]

Considering all the gay stuff studios release – Milk, Brokeback, Pitch Perfect, Fast and Furious – and how hot gay-themed projects are generally considered to be these days, you wonder if “they said it was too gay!” is just a convenient excuse for a movie that had bigger problems, not to mention a great way to curry sympathy. But Steven Soderbergh seems like a pretty straight shooter, so if he says it, I believe him. Plus it’s hard to be surprised by stories of business execs doing something shortsighted anymore. It’s just weird that the American public could be almost universally obsessed with super gay stuff – find me a network show that isn’t about singing and/or dancing, for instance – but only if the gayness isn’t spoken outright, like this, or I Love You Philip Morris (which had similar problems). You can crowbar some gay stereotypes into every sitcom after Modern Family, but God forbid you try to depict an actual gay relationship.

Incidentally, “too gay for theater” was the meanest thing my guidance counselor ever told me.

Gay? These guys?

Fun “Cool Story, Bro” anecdote: I finally went to Las Vegas for the first time in my life, just a few months ago. It was horrible. I will probably never go back. If I want to get hammered and piss away my money at a casino, I’ll do it in New Orleans. But I say this not to poop on the city. No, I bring this up because Hollywood is full of lies, and every TV show and movie that is based around the idea that Vegas is a fun place is just wrong. It’s full of nasty, miserable people, who would shoot their own parents for one more chip. But at least my toilet at the Aria had a heated seat. Silver linings and whatnot.

So that brings us to the new promo still above, for the film Last Vegas, or as IMDB describes it:

Four best friends in their late-60′s decide to escape retirement and throw a Las Vegas bachelor party for the only one of them who has remained single.

First thing’s first: Nobody retires anymore. And if someone does retire, he probably did something that deserves our scorn. Sorry for being a pessimist, but it’s true. If I ever retire, it’s going to be because I sold organs on the black market. Actually, my dad is retired, but I’m convinced he’s CIA, so that’s a completely different story.

Now on to my main point: Do you know what would happen to four 60-something dudes who try to have a good time in Vegas? They’d probably be robbed and killed by a hooker and her pimp. But seriously, have you ever actually looked at a 60-something dude who is in Vegas? Anyone north of 50 in Vegas that is hanging out in a casino is trying desperately to escape a terrible life.

All that said, if you’re looking for a film about Viagra jokes that completely lies to you about Las Vegas and will probably have a tagline like “What happens in Vegas, greys in Vegas” then Last Vegas is the film for you.

Oh, daaahling, how nice of you to drop by. JEEVES! Get our guest some trinkets.

Here we have Michael Douglas and Matt Damon on the set of Behind the Candelabra, a story about Liberace (Douglas) and his lover, Scott Thorsen (Damon), rumored to be Steven Soderbergh’s last movie before he retires. According to LeMonde (via ThePlaylist), Soderbergh’s hoping to finish in time to screen it at Cannes. Soderbergh’s Haywire, a movie about a hot chick who beats people up, mostly kind of sucked (except for one scene), and Magic Mike, a movie about male strippers who wave their wieners at people, ended up being the best movie of the summer. So assuming gayness of subject matter has a positive correlation with how good a Steven Soderbergh movie is, I have high hopes for this one.

I don’t know much about fashion, but to me it looks like they’re about to go ref a joust tournament. It’s funny to me that back in the days when it wasn’t okay to be gay, rich gay guys dressed like medieval court jesters and people just thought they were “eccentric.”

Oh, I thought the picture needed something:

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