NY Times Magazine recently did a profile on Megan Fox called “The Self-Manufacture of Megan Fox”. I didn’t read it all because for one thing Megan Fox isn’t that interesting, and for another, whenever I see the phrase “In the age of the 24-hour news cycle and hungry blogs…” I can’t stop sh-tting blood. Luckily the folks at Cinematical read it and were kind enough to pick out the good parts. Namely, the Hitler joke that got cut from her SNL monologue.
The writers of her opening monologue were having trouble coming up with a premise that pleased her. “There’s one specific pitch that we can’t do,” Fox said. ‘They wanted me to do a Q. and A. with the audience for the opening monologue. And Hitler is in the audience. Hitler stands up and says, ‘Why did you compare me to Michael Bay?’ ” Fox laughed. “Which is funny, but we can’t do that.”
I’m not sure why they couldn’t do that, but judging by her monologue that ended up making the show (video below) I can only assume the Hitler joke was rejected for actually being funny. Speaking of which, who told Bobby Moynihan he was funny? Was it Steve? That guy’s such a joker.
I don’t care if this YouTube video has 400,000 views, I hadn’t seen it and it’s Halloween weekend and this is my site so suck it. This guy’s Bumblebee costume would be awesome simply for looking like that and for having flashing lights. But the best part is, he can actually transform into a car. The sad part is, that means he (or whoever actually made it) spent way more time figuring out the actual logistics of this than anyone on the Transformers movies.
MICHAEL BAY: MAKE ME A FOUNTAIN PEN THAT TURNS INTO AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER, AND BRING ME A LATTE!
As you can see from this spy video, some kids had a run in with Michael Bay on the open road. I wonder what he’s doing in Russia. What, you don’t believe that’s Michael Bay? It is, I have proof. Just take a look at the picture he took for his Christmas card a few years back:
Those are his pet leopards, Tits and Fire.
[video via UniqueDaily]
Oh my gosh, you guys, Megan Fox is going to die in the next Transformers!1!! This is totally important news, because if Megan Fox dies, she can’t come back for Transformers 15! Whose leg would the robots hump then, WHOSE???
The bubbleheaded bombshell’s recent comments blasting Transformers director Michael Bay as tough to work for than “Hitler” [sic] — coupled with a scornful letter penned by members of the film’s crew, which slam Meg as an ungrateful brat — could cost the outspoken brunette her job in the upcoming third installment.
Movie industry insiders tell In Touch Weekly, Michael is considering writing Megan out of the series in a gory death scene in the first few frames of Transformers 3 and replacing with another gorgeous young actress.
“Michael’s pretty much discovered Megan and now he’s very quietly looking for her replacement,” the source spilled. “He hasn’t decided if he’s going to kill her off in the next movie, but he just wants to be prepared.” [popcrunch]
So there you have it: Michael Bay thought about killing off Megan Fox in the movie he’s not writing for which there’s still no script, said an anonymous entity to a sleazy tabloid. If only Walter Cronkite were still here to report this. But even if her character dies at the beginning of the movie, Shia LaBeouf could always go up to robot heaven* and convince Optimus Prime’s ancestors to tell Jesus to bring her back to life (robot ghosts are notorious for their Jesus connections) so that the robots can keep humping her. This is a film that implies robots reproduce sexually — “consistency” and “coherence” don’t seem that important. In fact, on a Michael Bay set, job one is “More tits!” Job two is “Make me a mocha with caramel sauce, lattes are for poor people!”
*This actually happened in Transformers 2
(Michael Bay prefers to yell “SKEET SKEET SKEET!” rather than “Action.”)
Transformers 3 has an official release date, and it’s in 2011, not 2012 as originally feared. That means Megan Fox, Michael Bay, and the whole Transformers crew have to kiss and make up, if only for the sake of the robots that punch each other and hump stuff. In the hopes of burying the hatchet*, Bay had a message for Megan Fox on his website:
Megan Fox, welcome back. I promise no alien robots will harm you in any way during the production of this motion picture. Please consult your Physician when working under my direction because some side effects can occur, such as mild dizziness, intense nausea, suicidal tendencies, depression, minor chest hair growth, random internal hemorrhaging and inability to sleep. As some directors may be hazardous to your health, please consult your Doctor to determine if this is right for you.
Get it? He’s trying to imply that he’s like a prescription drug commercial. Very clever, Michael Bay. I picture a middle aged couple kayaking. But then all of a sudden, someone pops the top on some Michael Bay pills, and they turn into two hot chicks sword fighting on top of a shark. Other side effects of Michael Bay may include disorientation, ADHD, four-hour erections, ectopic pregnancy, and Ferrari.
*(*Michael Bay points to his crotch*)
