Unless you spend even more time on the internet and you’re more aware of Mexican fashion trends than I am (note: DOUBTFUL), you probably haven’t heard of the Mexican pointy cowboy boots trend.  But rest assured that it is a real fashion trend, and those guys in the above picture aren’t attempting to achieve some ironic meme fame.  Their confident demeanor is an earnest expression of the knowledge that in their culture, they look really f*cking cool.  But what the I don’t even… Luckily Vice has put together a short documentary (nine minutes) you can watch at lunch or on a break or while you’re supposed to be working today, which will explain everything you ever wanted to know about Mexicans wearing pointy cowboy boots.  Okay, maybe not everything, but the most concise explanation seems to be this:

“Tribal music brought the pointy boots. In the beginning, people were wearing regular boots.  Then people started making them pointier and pointier, until it got out of control.”

Remember that old Chappelle show sketch about how the crips/bloods gang war started because someone stepped on someone else’s sneaker? Maybe these boots are the reason Mexico is such a powder keg.
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Meet Milijenko Parserisas Bukovic (that’s so weird, MY middle name is Parserisas!). The 56-year-old newspaper vendor from Mexico has 82 tattoos of Julia Roberts, and sources say he may eventually win the prison Oscar for “Most Hardcore.”  Do you think he has one above his armpit that makes it look like she has a huge 70s bush?  God that would be awesome.

He has so far spent a million Mexican pesos (just over £51,000) [$82,000] for the 82 tattoos. The newspaper vendor’s obsession with tattoos of Roberts started after he watched her in Erin Brockovich.

Time out.  You’re paying $1,000 PER Julia Roberts tattoo… in MEXICO? My God, I haven’t heard of someone getting hosed this bad since the people who bought a ticket to Eat, Pray, Love.

The American actress is tattooed all over Mr Parserisas’ body in artwork inspired by a number of scenes from the film. The Roberts fanatic has said that he has plans to get more faces inked on his chest, back and arms.
As long as he has the space on his body and the money, his tattoo tribute will continue. [MetroUK]

Oh, I wouldn’t say he’s a fanatic, just an enthusiast, really.  You think he knows she was wearing a water bra in that movie and that her boobs aren’t really that big?  I mean, I’m not trying to say breast size should be an accurate barometer for obsession… okay, that’s exactly what I’m saying.  I have a tattoo of Julianne Moore on my left testicle.  It hurt a lot, but it’s worth it because I know it will age along with her.

(Oh sure, and the fast mouse is the racist.)

Noted Mexican George Lopez is set to voice Speedy Gonzalez in an upcoming movie for New Line. The company was careful to note that this won’t be the “racist”, Looney Tunes version of Speedy that you’re used to, in which Mexicans are unfairly depicted as lightning-fast cartoon rodents.  From Reuters:

The character has often courted criticism that the ethnic characterizations of him and his compatriots (especially lazy cousin Slowpoke Rodriguez) are stereotypically racist and severely outdated.
Aware of this, New Line and the producers plan to update the brand with a modernized sensibility.
“We wanted to make sure that it was not the Speedy of the 1950s — the racist Speedy,” said the comedian’s wife Ann Lopez, who will serve alongside him as a producer. “Speedy’s going to be a misunderstood boy who comes from a family that works in a very meticulous setting, and he’s a little too fast for what they do. He makes a mess of that. So he has to go out in the world to find what he’s good at.”

Mira, Speedy, ju need to eslow down.  Ju selleen los oranges muy, muy queeckly.  Ju makeen jour cousens look bad.  Ay yay yay, we’re so esleepy.

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In this deleted scene from the Bruno movie, recently leaked to promote the DVD release on November 17th,  baseball great Pete Rose is subjected to the same here-sit-on-my-Mexican stunt that Bruno used on Paula Abdul.  To his credit, Rose doesn’t squirm or complain, he just settles in and starts talkin’ baseball.  At one point the crew tries to rattle Rose when his chair starts acting uncomfortable.  But Rose is unflappable.

“He don’t seem to understand that this is very uncomfortable for this guy.  So get another guy here, because this guy’s uncomfortable.”

And then they swap Mexicans.  See?  The first step toward a post racial society is to treat every minority as an individual.  Just because one Mexican isn’t good at being a chair, that’s no reason to assume that a different Mexican wouldn’t be better.  Well done, Pete Rose, it seems this is not your first time sitting on a Mexican.  Ahh, good times.  It’s like my junior high experience in reverse.

[via /Film]

I’m not going to make fun of Sylvester Stallone for being old, because hey, everyone gets old (except for me, fingers crossed fingers crossed…).  At least Sly had the decency to shoot HGH and stab gooks in the face.  Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, Rambo 5.

The upcoming project’s storyline revolves around Rambo fighting his way through human traffickers and drug lords to rescue a young girl abducted near the U.S.-Mexico border. Production will start in the spring. [Variety]

DAMN YOU, HUMAN TRAFFICKERS!  STOP STEALING PEOPLES’ DAUGHTERS!  “I don’t know who you are.  I don’t know what you want.  If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you that I don’t have money.  What I do have is a particular set of skills.  Skills that I have acquired over a long career.  Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.  And when I’m pushed… killin’s as easy as breathin’.”  *downs steroid pills, tears off a Mexican’s arms and beats him to death*

OOOH WHA-AA AA-AA!!

*Bow and arrow, bodies hitting floor*