Armie Hammer, the popped-collar pot bandit, photobombs Meryl Streep at the SAG Awards. I’m kind of fascinated with the guy behind him. Is he security? What’s going on there? Is there a guy in charge of stopping photobombs? All I know is that Armie Hammer is so preppy, if he was on Saved by the Bell, Zack Morris’s nickname would’ve been “Thug Life.” [via Buzzfeed]

MORNING LINKS
ROFLMNBAO: This Week In NBA Pictures |With Leather|

Twelve Reasons Why NBC Is a Last-Place Network |Warming Glow|

Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Specifically The Province of Skyrim |Gamma Squad|

Channing Tatum Showed Rachel McAdams His Dong |Film Drunk|

This Is How You Place An Order At Sonic |UPROXX|

In honor of Groundhog Day, Stephen Tobolowsky reprises his role as Ned Ryerson. |mastersofnone|

Katherine Heigl unveils her wax figu– wait, no, that’s actually Katherine Heigl. |TheSuperficial|

Cocky 17-Year-Old Gets Ruined In A Rap Battle With His English Teacher |Buzzfeed|

Hitler rants about Groundhog Day. |Videogum|

The origin of Groundhog Day. |MentalFloss|

Taiwanimation explains how to make the best Super Bowl commercial. |GorillaMask|

Classic TV locations get turned into moody pieces of art. Something wicked is coming for Moe’s Tavern |FARK|

Mexican flight instructor lands Cessna with broken engine. I gave my girlfriend a Mexican flight instructor once. |TheDailyWhat|

25 reasons the Year of the Dragaon will be awesome. |HolyTaco|

9 celebrities photoshopped as groundhogs. |ScreenJunkies|

The Best Gallery of Soul Calibur Cosplay in Existence |Unreality|

Are These NCAA Helmet Concepts Better Than Current Designs? |Brobible|

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Politics Schmolitics, Being a Lady is Hard!

WOOF, what a dog of an assignment. I try to go into movies with an open mind, but let’s be honest, that was impossible here. The Iron Lady. I felt stupid just saying the title. Try it. Go to your local theater and tell the cashier, “I’m here to see The Iron Lady.” You’ll feel like an asshole, I promise. It sounds like a torture device, and it was.

Basically, I expected a cut-rate The King’s Speech, which was already the same boring biopic we’ve all seen umpteen times before. A COURAGEOUS OUTSIDER AND BLAH BLAH BLAH UNLIKELY PARTNERSHIP WAR SPEECH THE END.

Imagine my surprise when I found that it wasn’t a biopic about Margaret Thatcher: Prime Minister at all, but rather a biopic about Margaret Thatcher: Senile Old Lady, grieving over her husband (Jim Broadbent) who died eight years ago. You know that shitty flashback structure they use in every biopic where the decrepit old protagonist stares wistfully at a picture of himself on a horse before it flashes back and turns into a period piece? Well imagine if that pointless flashback justification wasn’t just five minutes at the beginning and end of the movie, but A RECURRING THEME THAT TAKES UP HALF THE RUNNING TIME. Hate boring, conventional political biopics? Well hey, here’s that, intercut with 40 minutes of an old lady hallucinating conversations with her dead husband about tea! MY GOD, IT’S ALL WORTH IT TO HEAR MERYL STREEP DO AN ACCENT!

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/obligatory

The Screen Actor’s Guild released their list of nominees for the 18th annual (yay! finally legal!) SAG Awards today, and not surprisingly– in fact, predictably to the point of being nauseating — biopics were the big winner. Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Michelle Williams, Meryl Streep, Kenneth Branagh, Armie Hammer, and Jonah Hill were all nominated for their portrayals of J. Edgar Hoover, Billy Beane, Marilyn Monroe, Margaret Thatcher, Sir Laurence Olivier, Clyde Tolson, and Paul DePodesta (fictionalized as Peter Brand) respectively. You’d think a guild made up of actors of all people would recognize that creating a believable personality out of words on a page is harder than just doing an impression of a living person, but I guess not. Daryl Hammond should make his SNL sketches longer, he’d clean up on these.

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The newest trailer for The Iron Lady was just released today, and HOLY HELL, this is a joke, right? Tell me this is a parody of boring biopics. I got five seconds in. FIVE SECONDS, before I wanted to puke. Right from the first words of the very first voiceover set to tinkly piano music and grey flashback b-roll.

“I will never be one of those women who stays silent on the arm of her husband! One’s life must matter, Dennis!”

“That’s why I want to marry you, my dear.”

NO ONE ON EARTH HAS EVER TALKED LIKE THAT. EVER. Not even in England do people wax poetic about “one’s life” when they talk to their boyfriends, and dramatically punctuate their statements with the person’s name. In real life, people don’t constantly say each other’s names unless they’re on walkie-talkies. Stop doing that.

‘She was an outsider. She was a rebel.’

MARGARET THATCHER?!?! We’re still talking about Margaret f*cking Thatcher here, right? Because for a second there, I kept expecting someone to screech up in the General Lee.

“With all duuuue respect, sir, I HAVE done battle. Ev-ray SINGLE day of my life.”

OH SNAP, SON! SHE BEEN STRANGLIN’ PATRIARCHAL OPPRESSION WITH HER PEARLS AND DROWNING GENDER ROLES IN HEAPS OF PANT SUITS, YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBOOOODDAAAAAY…

Let me see if I can summarize: A childhood dream, a physical challenge, a lifelong friendship, war, redemption… Yep, that’s every dramatic beat of every boring biopic ever. Only this one’s not about Johnny Cash, it’s about MARGARET THATCHER. And the big climactic war is THE F*CKING FALKLANDS (sorry, Argentino, I mean the Malvinas). This is not a movie, it’s a model train. Weinstein seriously moved this to December thinking it’s going to win awards? Because this looks like the Daredevil of biopics. I would rather watch the new Three Stooges movie six times than this.

Superman and Spider-Man are British now, but if you think the good ol’ US of A is going to take usurpation like that lying down, you’re wrong. That’s why we sent Meryl Streep over to England to steal the role of Margaret Thatcher, the stiffest of stiff upper lips and the model for Mrs. Doubtfire (maybe!). And just to make sure those goddamned dirty stinking tea-totellers never try something like this again, we made the movie extra super duper mega boring by slathering every inch of film stock in oatmeal and dyeing it extra beige. Can you imagine fast-forwarding through scenes about proper elocution lessons (King’s Speech much?) to get to the F*CKING FALKLANDS WAR? This makes Ken Burns look like Michael Bay.

USA! USA! USA!

"Raise the roof, my niggas, I got computer mice on my coat."

[via Buzzsugar]