Everyone likes poster art, right?  I used to post individual posters throughout the week, but that seemed messy, so now I save them up and stick them in one handy place, every Monday afternoon.  CONSIDER YOURSELF SLIDESHOW’D.

Green Lantern. All the Green Lantern poster art has seemed boring to me so far, but maybe that’s just because the source material seems boring.  Either way, it almost seems like they’re trying to sell this as an animated movie.  The only part of this that isn’t completely animated is like 60% of Ryan Reynolds’ face, and he’s cartoonishly handsome as it is. I agree with the ladies, these posters need more shirtless Ryan Reynolds.  It’s not like superhero movies aren’t blatantly homoerotic anyway.

(*pulls pistol from holster, fires flag reading “MARRY ME, RYAN”*)

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This recently showed up on Craigslist in New York.  Behold, the best casting call ever.

Megamonolith Pictures is holding an open casting call for TITANIC 2: MERMAID SAVIORS, a sequel to the Academy Award-winning 1997 blockbuster TITANIC, on July 1st and 2nd. The film begins moments after the sinking of the Titanic. All who have drowned are brought back to life by a futuristic race of mermaids, called the Mantocks, who welcome the humans to their underwater paradise. Soon after, JACK DAWSON is elected king of the underwater humans. DAWSON requests that all humans be returned above water, a request that is denied by KING MANTROCK. The humans are slowly brainwashed into worshiping their mermaid saviors. Meanwhile, the sunken TITANIC has become a haunted underwater wasteland inhabited by RAGGARO and his band of mermaid pirates. Will the humans ever free themselves from their mermaid slavery? Will the mermaid pirates wage war on Mantock?

All actors seeking consideration must reply to this post with:

1.) A headshot
2.) A few short paragraphs on why they’re qualified for MERMAID SAVIORS.

Actors with mermaid and under water acting experience are highly desirable.

Given that most casting calls don’t include such a detailed synopsis, I’m going to guess this was a joke.  If so, it was a good one.  If not… I hope this comes out soon, because my desire to see a movie about mermaid pirates is at least 10 times greater than my desire to see Jake Gyllenaal play parkour in a two-hour Pantene commercial.  Upon reading this announcement, Elizabeth Berkley reportedly looked up from her desk at the call center and shouted, “DID SOMEBODY SAY UNDER WATER ACTING EXPERIENCE?”

-Thanks for the tip, Robopanda

This here’s the trailer for Ondine, from Interview with the Vampire director Neil Jordan, about a fisherman who finds a lady in his net one morning, starring Colin Farrell.  Farrell plays a fisherman named Syracuse, and when he finds the lady in his net, he immediately assumes she’s a mystical creature, drinks whiskey, and goes to confession, because that’s what Irish people do.  Later in the movie he’ll probably get up in front of a crowd and recite a poem, and he’ll be really drunk, but the poem will be very insightful because he has a good heart, and everyone will get teary and drink more and eat potatoes, and wipe the tears with the potatoes, and then some guys will get in a fight and punch each other and then hug.

(“If ya think ya’re gettin’ arr Lucky Charms ya’f got anothar ting comin, boyo…”)

I like Colin Farrell, mainly because of In Bruges, but also because his expressive eyebrows make me feel like I can tell what he’s thinking, almost as if he’s human.  His latest film, an Irish indie from Crying Game/Interview with the Vampire director Neil Jordan, has been picked up for release by Magnolia pictures.  Ondine will be in theaters and OnDemand this summer.  Oh right, you came for the mermaids.  So Farrell plays a scrappy Irish fisherman (as if there was any other kind) named Syracuse.  From the Variety review:

Syracuse raises his fishing net from the bay to find within it a young woman who, unaccountably, is alive. Although fearful she could be an asylum seeker, he prefers to imagine otherwise, that she’s Ondine, “the girl who came from the water,” a sign that his run of rotten luck is at an end.

I’m guessing you won’t see “like an Irish Lady in the Water” in any of the promotional material.  Anyway, between this and Leap Year, am I to conclude that all Irish people are superstitious morons?  Next time I meet a hot Irish girl, I’m just going to convince her that the great Leprechaun promises seven years of good luck to the woman who puts a movie blogger’s penis in her mouth on whatever day it is.  Ha, just kidding, I’m gonna buy her a whiskey shot and sock her in the jaw.  Works every time.