I haven’t been covering Amanda Bynes’ ongoing meltdown, what with her wanting Drake to destroy her vagina and whatnot, but it’s hard to ignore that it’s beginning to take on Joaquin-Phoenix-performance-art-level proportions. Most recently, the Sydney White star posted this picture of herself on Twitter, then showed up at a gymnastics class and burst into tears when her wig fell off. As one does.

Amanda Bynes was asked to leave a gymnastics class after further episodes of bizarre behavior, witnesses exclusively tell Page Six.
The former Nickelodeon child star stunned fellow athletes at the Adult Gymnastics class at Chelsea Piers when she “showed up in fishnets and a leotard that looked like lingerie.”
Onlookers said the staff became concerned about Bynes, who was “muttering to herself” and then “burst into tears when she attempted a cartwheel and her dark-colored wig fell off.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Marina Abramovic could take a lesson from Amanda Bynes. If only she could go back in time. HEY, MARINA. IT’S YOUR COUSIN, MARVIN. MARVIN ABRAMOVIC. YOU KNOW THAT NEW PERFORMANCE ART YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? WELL LISTEN TO THIS!

One witness told us Bynes first turned up at the class alone about a month ago.
“She immediately started acting strangely,” our source said. “She lined up with the other gymnasts, and each took their turn to perform a roll. But Amanda just walked out on the mat, was spinning around in circles and mumbling to herself.”
Later, when the others were performing cartwheels, Amanda “did a cartwheel, but her wig fell off, and she sat down and cried.” The source added that after a number of other incidents where she was heard mumbling to herself or walking in front of others performing exercises, she was asked to leave. [NYPost]

Jesus, man. Do you know how nutty you have to be to get kicked out of an adult gymnastics class in New York City? If you’re too crazy for grown-ups in leotards, where can we put you? The more stories I read about Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan, the more I think Mandy Moore should win a lifetime achievement award for not being a huge f*ck up.

Catching you up on Katt Williams’ legal and professional troubles would take all day, and since we’re into that whole brevity… thing, let’s just stick with Christmas and New Year’s. So after his ill-fated roadtrip up the California coast and to Seattle ended with canceled shows, random slappings, and a high-speed tricycle chase, Williams was bailed out by Suge Knight, and we were hoping things would settle down for Katt. Because what surer sign of stability exists than hanging out with Suge Knight? Sadly, shockingly, incredibly, stability seems not to be the case. Williams’ legal troubles have followed him right to the end of 2012, with nightclub brawls, a tax lien, child endangerment charges, possession of stolen firearms, and worst of all, parking tickets.

Williams started out slow, the Friday before Christmas, when cops were called over an alleged disturbance and Williams received a ticket for parking in front of a fire hydrant outside a Subway restaurant in West Hollywood, where Katt was getting some food while he waited for Suge Knight to finish getting a mani-pedi. Williams was cuffed but not arrested, while Suge was detained for his own outstanding parking tickets. Not for nothing, his cuticles looked incredible. Cops took some of Williams’ weed and an empty clip for a .45, but he wasn’t cited because he had a medical marijuana card. TMZ had cameramen on the scene, because why wouldn’t they? I hear that’s the hottest Subway in town.

About a week after that, the IRS hit Williams with a tax lien, saying he owes $4 million in back taxes. In his defense, he has been eating at Subway to keep his food costs down and having Suge Knight drive him around to save on taxis.

Days after that, police did a “welfare check” at Williams’ home, where they found multiple firearms, one of which had been reported stolen, and he was arrested for suspicion of child endangerment and possession of a stolen firearm.

At some point after that, Katt, who seems to have a permanent detail from TMZ following him, weighed in on Quentin Tarantino’s use of the N-word in Django Unchained.

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My post last week on comedian Katt Williams’ epic meltdown month was one of the more fun I’ve written, as any story that involves a high-speed tricycle chase and someone trying to pay $300K cash to buy a ferry to live on with his dogs would be. Nonetheless, Katt Williams is a funny dude, and we wish him the best, and today we have an update of sorts. You may remember (and if you don’t you can watch the video) that Williams slapped a Target employee near Sacramento, during an argument that started when Katt Williams tried to buy the kid’s motorcycle helmet, probably to keep cops from recognizing him after the aforementioned tricycle chase.

The way the kid described it:

“He’s just really aggressive, you know, making cynical comments, just based on the fact that I put thought into selling him my helmet,” he said.
The 19-year-old security staffer thought it was over until he saw Williams a second time.
“He approached me, the argument got escalated, and that’s when he hit me,” he said.

The way Katt Williams described it onstage at the Comedy Store in LA last night:

“This is what the dude at Target said … ‘Your assistant is already suing you, you p**sy ass n***er.”
The jab is a reference to this lawsuit – in which Katt’s former assistant is suing him for $5 million, claiming the comic punched her.
Katt said he flipped when he heard the slur and asked the employee, “Did you just say the n-word in front of Katt Williams?” — to which the employee answered, “You say it all the time.”
Katt says he shot back, “Say it again and see what happens” — and that’s when he knocked the guy upside the head.
“That’s the same sh*t that drove [Chappelle] out of the f***ing business.”

Of course, it should be said, Katt Williams was onstage doing comedy, so that might not be the way he really thinks it went down, it could just be what he thought would be a funny way to describe it onstage (and to that I’d say Katt, I bet the truth is a lot funnier and more interesting than this hero’s journey you’ve constructed for yourself). Assuming Katt was speaking literally, do you think the kid actually called him the N-word? The kid did get fired the next day, and he does have a bit of a Hipster Hitler haircut going on, so anything’s possible, but somehow I doubt a white kid from Sacramento named “Forrest Liebenberg” is going around calling people “pussy-ass n**gers.” It also would be odd that a random kid at Target would know about Katt Williams’ latest lawsuits. And nothing says crazy like assuming random passersby know every detail of your personal life. Ever noticed raving homeless people always start conversations in the middle of a sentence? It’s like that.

Meanwhile, Williams was supposed to be in Kansas City last Wednesday, but pulled a no-show, which ticketholders discovered 15 minutes before the show was supposed to start. Suge Knight, who bailed him out last week, says Williams isn’t crazy or on drugs:

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A High-Speed Tricycle Chase and a $300K Pirate Ship: Katt Williams’ Crazy Week

Not many people are covering the insane meltdown that Katt Williams has been having for the past few weeks, I suspect because there’s just too much to cover. I almost broke my browser trying to keep track of it all. But by God, any story that involves a guy attempting to pay cash for a state ferry and going on a high-speed tricycle chase is a story that deserves to be told. I’m going to go in chronological order here, so bear with me, because a lot of the best stuff is at the end.

• In October, Williams pulled a gun on Faizon Love (yes, the fat guy from Blue Crush), supposedly after an argument over $50 grand that Williams owes, which ended with Williams getting arrested.

• Separate from that incident, Williams was arrested for battery outside a nightclub in Oakland. An altercation that apparently began when Williams assaulted 18-year-old “aspiring rapper” Delvahn Mosley-Davis on board Williams’ tour bus.

• Williams was in town for his shows at the Coliseum formerly known as the Oakland Coliseum, and two days after the battery arrest, Williams abruptly left the stage ten minutes into a show. He later got sued by multiple angry fans. MONEY QUOTE: “The suit filed by 35-year-old Brian Herline, of Modesto, says he and hundreds of fans were disappointed when Williams took off his clothes and challenged people to fight.”

• Following that incident, Katt Williams showed up in Sacramento, where he was driving some sort of three-wheeled motorcycle called a Can Am on sidewalks and almost hitting people. Cops were called, Katt Williams told them he wasn’t going to stop, before leading them on a brief, high-speed tricycle chase (seriously), with Williams running several red lights until cops eventually gave up to avoid endangering the general public.

• Did I mention he slapped a kid at Target and it was captured on video?

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A contrite Billy Bob Thornton went on Jimmy Kimmel last night to apologize for being a total dick to that Canadian radio guy for basically no reason.  Ha, just kidding, he blamed it on the DJ, called everyone names, and laughed at us for being petty.

“Well first of all, the fact that that was news was astounding to me. It gave humpbacked geeks all over the world something to do for a couple of days.” [scattered laughter]

But after that he did express some remorse. Psyche!  Fooled you again!

“I do that all the time. It wasn’t the first time.”  [Thornton then talked about a show he did in Germany ten years ago in which the female host didn’t adhere to his requirements and he responded the same way]
“This woman said something that she wasn’t supposed to say and I told her that I receive signals from Venus from a metal plate in my head. Then of course you get calls from all your friends ‘are you ok?’ ‘Of course I’m ok. I told a DJ to kiss my ass, that’s all that happened….’  If I tell some guy who lied to me in my face to not say something, you know… it doesn’t make any sense to me, plus the fact that… it’s news?”

Hmmm, three names… lacks empathy… struggling musician… former actor… What else does this guy have to do before we lock him up, put on a clown suit and carve up a puppy?

[hat tip, celebitchy]