Every Expendables movie has that sweet spot where it’s awesome and not sad and lame, which usually happens a few weeks or months before the cameras roll. If they could just take the movie out of these movies, they’d be set. An idea this fun could only be ruined when you try to execute it. We’ve just entered that stage with Expendables 3, as word has it that Wesley Snipes has joined the cast. Fresh out of prison for tax evasion, Snipes is exactly the kind of person the Expendables would recruit in real life, if only he had a knack for wisecracks and his conviction was a government frame job as retribution for knowing too much.

TwitchFilm and Moviehole both reported the Snipes story, which was apparently based on a Tweet from Sly himself. He’s since deleted the tweet, and no one knows yet what to conclude from that. You never know with Sly, the mix of HGH and those tiny iPhone buttons is a recipe for disaster. One tweet he did leave up, meanwhile, was the one about getting Mel Gibson to direct. …Oh please oh please oh please…

No , I was kiddiing about , but seriously , what about Mel Gibson directing EXPENDABLES 3?Opinions anyone ?Curious…..

— Sylvester Stallone (@TheSlyStallone) April 11, 2013

Mel is a MAGNIFICENT director! Pure passion on every level . we’d be blessed to have him.. A REAL long shot, but LIFE is a long shot -right?

— Sylvester Stallone (@TheSlyStallone) April 15, 2013

No one uses caps lock to punctuate his revelations like Sly Stallone. In any case, at this point, I’m not too interested in Sly’s fantasy camp for aging action stars, but if he gets Mel Gibson to direct Wesley Snipes in it and we get a Some Kind of Monster-style documentary about the making of, I’d pay $100 for a ticket. The combination of The Expendables’ silly name conventions and Wesley Snipes’ penchant for staying in character alone would priceless. I imagine Mel Gibson screaming racial slurs at everyone on set while Snipes refuses to come out of his trailer and communicates only by post-it notes signed “Felt Penn.”

I’m not going to pretend to know what’s going on here, but YouTuber and FilmDrunkard R. Emmett Sibley has created a new series called “Action Stars Shooting at Dogs” and the debut video is pretty fantastic. Basically, it’s Mel Gibson from his Lethal Weapon days shooting at adorable puppies on a playground. Obviously, I’m not advocating the act of shooting dogs, but watching them narrowly escape a sniper’s gun is pretty entertaining.

Hopefully this series is long-lived and perhaps the next installment will feature guys who hold their guns sideways while shooting at dogs, because that looks so much cooler than a dude with a mullet hiding in some brush.

Director Robert Rodriguez tweeted the above photo this morning while announcing that he had cast none other than weird hair transplant victim Charlie Sheen as the president in his totally-necessary sequel, Machete Kills. Once again I get the feeling that whereas Quentin Tarantino wants to make us love the trashy B-movies he grew up on as much as he loves them, Robert Rodriguez kinda just wants to make trashy B-movies.

I just cast Charlie Sheen in #machetekills as the President of the United States! Who better? More soon… yfrog.com/h38lgnuj

“Machete Kills” is expected to see Trejo’s Machete being recruited by the U.S. government to battle his way across Mexico to take down an arms dealer who is looking to launch a weapon into space. Returning are Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and, of course, Danny Trejo. [ThePlaylist]

Charlie Sheen would also join previously-announced castmembers Sofia Vergara and Mel Gibson. I don’t have confirmation on this yet, but I believe the full title is “Machete Kills Things That Would’ve Been Funny Six Months Ago.”

That said, I’d give anything to hear Danny Trejo call him “Charlie Cheen” a few times.

These women are all pregnant now.

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Jay Leno pantomimes dodging an oven, Mel Gibson amused

One of the things that’s always made me somewhat pro-Mel Gibson is that for all his private ranting, he was almost always charming and fairly charismatic and seemingly self-aware when he appeared in public. His Kimmel appearance a couple years ago comes to mind. But Gibson recently appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and if the guy actually doesn’t hate Jews, you have to wonder why he showed up wearing cowboy boots. FACT: No one who wears cowboy boots likes Jews†. Even worse, he wasn’t the joking, positive Mel Gibson we’re used to seeing. He opened with “at least when you guys are going to tape me, you let me know that you’re going to do that!” It might not have been a bad joke if it didn’t look like he wanted to murder someone while he was saying it. Later he starts doing that heavy breathing thing into the microphone, and even though he’s obviously trying hard to make it seem light and breezy, you can practically see Joe Eszterhas getting stabbed in the face with an antler inside Mel’s thought bubble.

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Listen on the player above, or download this week’s episode as an mp3 here (right-click, “save as.”)

This week we are treated to a new edition of Hott Goss with Ashley Burns™(now with an intro song!), comedian Alison Stevenson visits us in Frotquarters, we listen to Mel Gibson’s latest rant, discover an isolated vocal track from Smashmouth (a MUST-LISTEN – 20 minutes in), reveal our favorite guilty pleasure movies (movies we love that everyone hates – What’s yours? SURPRISE! Mine’s Freddy Got Fingered!), get two visits from Fake Bret, and have a grand time.

Subscribe (and leave a review!) on iTunes. Email us at Frotcast@Gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail, (415) 275-0030. Follow me and Alison and Burnsy on Twitter. Check out me and Alison at the Milk Bar in San Francisco on 4/24 for the LOL for LLS show.

[More detailed episode notes after the jump, courtesy of Adam]

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