Max Payne producer Scott Faye recently told kotaku.com that he’s interested in bringing video game character Duke Nukem (seen here holding Lara Croft’s boobs) to the big screen.

“I’m working diligently at making a Duke Nukem movie scenario that will live up to the character and its import in the videogame world,” said Faye talking to Kotaku.com. “As is the case with all of my game adaptations, I’d rather not make the movie than make a poor adaptation.”

Well as long as it’s as good as Doom or Tomb Raider!  Honestly, if you’re excited about this idea, you’ve probably never seen a movie before.

Semi-related: Duke Nukem is a first-person game, so when they talk about the “character”, isn’t the character, like… me?  Dude, this movie’s gonna be so f*cking meta…

Last week I posted the first trailer for the Matrix, er, Wanted, uh, I mean The Crow. Dang! I mean Max Payne. This is the international trailer. It’s basically the same as the American trailer, except it doesn’t shave down there and lets you pee on it after sex. So I’ve heard.

The full trailer for Max Payne hit the web last night, and except for a horribly miscast Mila Kunis, dare I say, it actually looks kind of cool. Their newfangled slo-mo technique looks purdy neat. Although between the demons and dragons and 15-year-old goth chick music, it does seem like they’re trying a bit hard. Like if they’d really gotten their way it’d be called Maxxxx Paaain.

Just for fun, here’s Marky Mark the Masturbating Cat again.

Mark Wahlberg has been talking to MTV lately, and besides the usual boring crap and jokes about how Max Payne could beat up Batman, he had some good Manny Shyamalan stories.

“[Night] gave me the worst advice he could have ever given me. He said, ‘After [‘The Happening’], you can never hold a gun again. You know that, right?’ I said, ‘Are you crazy?’ He said, ‘I’m serious, don’t ever hold a gun again.’ And I said, ‘I don’t know about that, man.’”

See, Manny thought his movie would be so huge that it would forever typecast all the actors. He thought so many people would see The Happening that Zooey Deschanel would walk down the street and people would whisper, “Oh my God, is that the chick from The Happening? Holy f-cking shit, I can’t believe the star of the most brilliant f-cking smash hit film of the millenium is in my town.” He thought it would be so huge that if Mark Wahlberg was in another movie where his character was even remotely similar to his character in The Happening, the entire audience would shut down, and be like, “This movie is bullshit. Everyone knows the guy from The Happening would never do that.” I’m telling you, that’s what it’s like inside the mind of an insane, megalomaniacal midget. He’s like Lex Luthor, if Lex Luthor’s plans for world domination always involved making shitty movies.

Two posters from Max Payne were released today, both featuring what appears to be the same Mark Wahlberg facial expression photoshopped onto two different bodies.  I think they snapped this while he was looking at his watch during a script meeting.  Yo, are we through here? I got Pilates to go to and shit.

Oh, I also went ahead and photoshopped his face onto a cat masturbating.  I know we were all thinking it so I figured I’d save you the trouble. 

[IMPA]