When I first heard Steven Soderbergh was making a movie based on the real-life story of Channing Tatum’s experiences as a 19-year-old male stripper, I tore off the warm-up pants I was wearing and helicoptered my wiener in excitement, which must’ve been a real treat for the other coffee shop patrons. The film is called Magic Mike, and it just released the first still, starring, from left, Joe Manganiello (this is my favorite picture of him), Alex Pettyfer aka Alex Pretty Fur, Matthew McConaughey, and Channing Tatum. Yes, Matthew McConaughey is actually in the movie, though it’s perfectly believable that he just happened to be dressed like that and wandered through the set on his way to a bongo circle.

Here’s the official synopsis (Soderbergh previously said he was using Saturday Night Fever as a model):

MAGIC MIKE
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Writer: Reid Carolin
Producers: Nick Wechsler, Gregory Jacobs, Channing Tatum, Reid Carolin

Cast: Alex Pettyfer, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, Joe Mangianello, Olivia Munn, Riley Keough, Cody Horn, Adam Rodriguez

Dramatic Comedy. Set in the world of male strippers, “Magic Mike” is directed by Steven Soderbergh and stars Channing Tatum (“Dear John,” “Step Up”) in a story inspired by his real life. The film follows Mike (Tatum) as he takes a young dancer called The Kid (Pettyfer) under his wing and schools him in the fine arts of partying, picking up women, and making easy money. [via Collider]

Damn, that sounds exactly how I mentored Burnsy as an Uproxx blogger. I expect this to be not only entertaining, but life affirming. YO TELL YOUR MOMS TO MAKE IT RAIN HUNDOS, SON, HOO! HOO!

It opens June 29, 2012, the same day as that other C-Tates joint, GI Joe 2. AW, SH*T, SON, EVERYTHING’S COMIN’ UP C-TATES, SKEET SKEET.

Steven Soderbergh’s stable of stallions for Magic Mike is expanding once again, as WWE superstar Kevin Nash has joined Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Matthew McConaughey, and Matthew Bomer for one of the bulge-shakingest movies in history. But if you’re like me, you’ve yelled, “Enough with the casting news already, when am I going to get some man meat in my grill!” Well the gods have answered, friends, and Celebuzz has come to the rescue with new set photos of Tatum and Pettyfer preparing for action.

But as you can see above, the response indicates that there is clearly some confusion regarding who the hardest twerkin’ playboy in hoe bizzna$$ is. I mean, from where I’m sitting, it looks like people voted that Pettyfer is doper than C-Tates, but that can’t be, because ain’t nobody doper than C-Tates. He’s dope like the pope using soap on a rope, or so he’s told me.

Judge for yourself, and for best results play this video in another window.

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Don't worry, y'all. I found this T cell.

Professional shirtless bongo player Matthew McConaughey is the latest Hollywood leading man attached to Dallas Buyer’s Club, a drama centering around a protagonist with AIDS. Make me a batch of frownies, LA Times:

The movie tells of Ron Woodroof, a heterosexual Dallas electrician who was diagnosed with AIDS in 1986, during some of the darkest days of the disease. Doctors gave him just a few months to live, but he refused to accept their prognosis. Instead, Woodroof created a smuggling operation for alternative treatments, then illegal, and got them into the hands of as many AIDS patients as he could. He wound up living six more years and saved or prolonged the lives of countless others.

Jesus, that guy sounds awesome. He was dying of AIDS and was STILL smuggling illegal drugs across the border and getting them to other patients like some sort of modern day, sickly Robin Hood? Yeesh. In a related story, one time I wrote a paper when I had a sinus infection. WHERE’S MY BIOPIC, TINSELTOWN?!

Here’s my favorite part about this movie: Someone somewhere thinks it’s plausible for Matthew McConaughey to play an AIDS patient. The six-foot tall, bronze Adonis with the flowing hair and perfect pecs. As an AIDS patient. Riiiiiiiiight. In the history of civilization, no one has ever looked less like an AIDS patient than Matthew McConaughey. There had to be other actors considered, right?

In 2008, the project seemed to get new life when reports had Ryan Gosling coming on to star, with his “Lars & the Real Girl” director, Craig Gillespie, behind the camera.

“Hey girl, I only got into smuggling because I thought they said ‘snuggling.’”

via Screen Junkies

Hey, man, I’m just a laid-back kinda guy. I go with the flow, I ride they wave they give me, I like to leeeeeaaaaan baack, you know what I’m sayin, man?  And if that means dissolving into a puddle on the floor when no one’s around to hold me up… so be it, man.  I dunno, man, I think maybe I learned it by watching my favorite band Aerosmith, man.   Me and Kate Hudson, we’re like the Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of crappy movies, man, you know what I mean?  Alright alright alright.  Aw, man, I can’t reach the remote.  Guess I’ll just watch this channel until the wife gets home.  Life’s alright, man, life’s alright.

[Via HuffPo]

Buckle up, blenderlickers, it’s time for another episode of “Forgotten Classics”. Back in 1994, when Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey were just getting started in the movies, they both starred in a crotchpunchingly bad film called Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. The film was unique in that it featured Leatherface in drag, Matthew McConaughey with a robotic leg, and not a single chainsaw murder.  You know a franchise has nuked the fridge when its title no longer has any bearing on its content.

I believe the two clips below sum up the essence of this film.  I can’t be arsed to try to explain just how bad this movie is.  I’m coasting.  This is my last post before Vince’s triumphant return.  Arrivederci, goat touchers.  I’ll be blazed and playing bongos naked with Cole Hauser if you need me.

~ robopanda [picture source]

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