From Larry Cohen, writer of Cellular and Phone Booth, comes Messages Deleted, starring Matthew Lillard.  Said Cohen,”I F’CKING LOVE PHONES,”  when reached for comment.  You don’t need to watch the whole trailer, just be sure to fast forward to the 39-second mark for the cherry on the money shot, delivered by way of dialogue:

“These random killings just don’t make sense!”

In conclusion, this movie looks hilarious.

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This is the trailer for Spooner, which is playing at this year’s Slamdance Film Festival, which is run by a bunch of shrivs who’ll kick you out if, God forbid, you actually start slamdancing.  Fascists.  Anyway, I know what you’re thinking: is the dude’s name Spooner or is he just a guy who likes spooning?  Answer? Both, fudgedick!   Matthew Lillard plays a spooning-loving loser named Spooner who meets a girl who’s a unique free spirit (guess the dark secret! Cancer? A kid? Dying parents?) and they decide to be unique free spirits together.  Because everyone knows the indie film equation. 1 unique free spirit = pathetic loser.  2 unique free spirits = Americana!

From the producer of American Pie and the director of American Pie 2 comes American Summer a movie about hookers and Tom Arnold.  It stars Matthew Lillard (who’s doing great, thanks for asking) and is currently seeking a distributor at Cannes.  Industry analysts describe as a cooler, drier version of Wet Hot American Summer.

I’d give you plot rundown, but that’d be like explaining a painting of dogs playing poker.  Really, I just want to know why everyone hates Tom Arnold so much.  I guess it’s kind of like the Gilbert Gottfried thing, where he’s annoying, but I find his annoyingness somehow endearing.  He was the best part of True Lies.  Plus, this one time he helped me get my pet kitty Emilio Estevez down from a tree.  I don’t why the little guy climbs up there all the time, Daddy just wants to cuddle. 

(Watch the NWS, tit-filled version of the trailer after the jump) 

Howdy folks, Ramón the Correction Piñata here.  Let’s play "Spot the Unnecessary Adjectives in this Hollywood Reporter Story" shall we?

David Arquette, Matthew Lillard and Orlando Jones are attached to star opposite Justin Chatwin and Jack Black in "Ye Old Times," a wild comedy about romance at a Renaissance fair.
Arquette and Lillard will play members of the modern-day medieval troupe of actors at a cheesy Renaissance fair. Jones will play the member of a rival acting troupe committed to only serious productions of real Shakespeare. Chatwin will play the romantic male lead, and Black will be Professor Shockworthy, whose narration bookends the film. [emphasis added. obviously.]

Mrs. Stover’s English class strikes again!

Ahh the Ren faire, where fat chicks with big tits and hairy weirdos with bacne go to make passionate, revolting love to each other.  And wow, David Arquette and Matthew Lillard back together again?  Throw Crispin Glover in there and you’ve basically got Burning Man on the set.