"That's right, bro, it's a lens. Sick, right?"

WB and Legendary pictures have to get their Superman movie made by 2012, because in 2013, some of their rights revert back to the heirs of creator Jerry Siegel (and god forbid those worthless catamites get nickel of this).  Back in February, WB hired Chris Nolan to “mentor” the process.  A few weeks after that, we heard David S. Goyer (co-wrote Batman Begins, story credit on Dark Knight) was writing the script.   Now, according to Deadline, Chris Nolan and producer Emma Thomas have a shortlist of possible directors.  BOOM!  HERE THE F*CK THEY ARE!  (That’s just how I roll, homey).

• Tony Scott (recently of Unstoppable — it’s like a missile the size of the Chrysler building!)
• Matt Reeves (Cloverfield, Let Me In)
• Jonathan Liebesman (Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Clash of the Titans 2)
• Duncan Jones (Moon, Source Code)
• Zack Snyder (Watchmen, 300, Sucker Punch)

Nolan is reportedly meeting with candidates and will submit his choice to the studio in a few weeks.  Tony Scott is out of the question, because nowadays he only does movies about trains (though Superman is faster than a speeding train — discuss).  Matt Reeves… haven’t seen Let Me In yet, but… meh.  Jonathan Liebesman… double meh.  I still haven’t seen Duncan Jones’ Moon (no homo), but everyone says it’s amazing.  I believe them, but it’s always hard to predict what’ll happen when a director goes from smaller projects to blockbusters, and whether he’ll let the studio walk all over him or not.  I’m all for Zack Snyder.  He made the supposedly un-adaptable Watchmen and almost pulled it off.  Imagine the fun he could have with Superman.  But something tells me Superman doesn’t have enough zombies or owls or swordfights or hot chicks in spandex for Zack Snyder’s tastes.  Come to think of it, Superman is a little boring.  He’s like Steve Young with superpowers.

This is the second trailer for Let Me In (much longer than the first), Matt Reeves’ American remake of Tomas Alfredson’s Swedish vampire hit, Let the Right One In.  The no-foreigners version stars Chloe Moretz of Kick-Ass, Richard Jenkins, and Kodi Smit-Mcpussyname.  I know, I know, remaking a recent, successful foreign movie using an American cast and the director of Cloverfield sounds like a terrible idea.  But as my buddy Pete says, subtitles are hella gay.  And is it just me, or does this actually look not that bad? It has pretty visuals, and they even managed to make Richard Jenkins look like a scary child molester:

It’s impressive, because despite the pock marks, Richard Jenkins is usually the type of guy who could give your kid a candy and you let them eat it without even checking for hypos first.  He’s like that old lady who you’re mean to because she’s weird looking, but you later find out she was actually Jesus, and now you’re cursed. That was my favorite bible story.

Also, is it just me, or does that second poster look a little… menstrual?

[posters via CinemaBlend, trailer via Vulture]

Four-eyed poindexters are always trying to tell you how good some foreigner movie is, to which I always say, “Oh yeah?  Well riddle me this, nerd, if it’s so good, why come they didn’t make it AMERICAN, huh?” then I point to a spot on their shirt and when they look down, I kick ‘em right square in the d*ck. Haha, made you look, pussy.  Tomas Alfredson’s vampire flick Let the Right One In was just such a movie.  Supposedly it was good, but it was also fulla Swedes.  Luckily, Cloverfield director Matt Reeves made a new version (Let Me In), and this one you won’t have to sit there reading like a queer.

This one’s supposed to be faithful to the original, but have more blood and more violence and more BODIES HITTING FLOOR.  Chloe Moretz, that hot slit from Kick-Ass (just my type), plays the vampire chick, and Kodi Smit-McPhee from The Road plays her friend.  You ask me, “Cody” is a good, solid AMURRICAN name.  Seems a shame to queer it up with an I and a hyphen like that.  Guess it ain’t his fault his parents’re queer. But still, I think I’m gonna have to call him “McPussy.”  (*spits Skoal into Gatorade bottle, continues whittling Truck Nutz*)

Let me een leetel girl. You can zee, I am not zee vam-pair.

[via Deadline]

Cloverfield made $41 million in its first weekend and it looks like they shot it on a cell phone.  So it’s a real shocker that they’re making a sequel. 

Variety is reporting the Cloverfield director Matt Reeves is "in talks" to direct the sequel, and that he’ll also be directing The Invisible Woman.  

Timing of the projects will depend on how quickly Paramount can complete discussions with Reeves, producer J.J. Abrams and scribe Drew Goddard to scare up another monster tale for the "Cloverfield" sequel. There’s a good chance the sequel will be Reeves’ next film, in which case he will direct "The Invisible Woman" afterward.

"Woman" is a Hitchcock-style thriller that probes the mind of a former beauty queen who turns to a life of crime to protect her family.

I hope they finish the script soon!  Annoying kids from an MTV reality show running from monsters on poorly filmed camcorder is the next big thing in cinema, I’ve always said.