Joining other such living legends who deserve Academy Awards but have not yet won them, like Ryan Gosling and Channing Tatum, Leonardo DiCaprio recently took a break from moistening panties to soaking tissues when he announced that he’d be taking a break from acting. While some outlets reported this news as a retirement, DiCaprio quashed that by saying he was just a little worn out from working so (thanklessly) hard on his spectacular performance in Django Unchained.

Fortunately, if he is going to spend considerable time on his yacht, developing his clone army of topless 19-year old models, the Huffington Post whipped up a supercut of some of DiCaprio’s greatest acting moments for us to enjoy while he’s gone. And by greatest acting moments I mean all of the times that he has yelled and screamed like someone is butchering his dog in front of him.

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Some internet genius has one-upped us all today, taking Under Siege and recutting it as a silent film. We’ve seen some silent movie edits before, but this is magical. Consider the source. Under Siege was a landmark film for a number of reasons. For one thing, it was the high-water mark of Steven Seagal’s career – he was working with TWO Oscar nominees! – after which it would be all downhill, when word of his unique physiological reactions  spread around and he was relegated to the undercards of Hollywood and could no longer keep track of space or time. But the early 90s was a more innocent, more ponytailed time. Then there was the unforgettable naked Erika Eleniak popping out of a cake, a scene that doesn’t need me to justify its historical import. Which is to say nothing of the plot itself, the archetypal “ship’s cook saves the day,” which became so iconic that a lying pastor in Pennsylvania eventually tried to pass it off as his life story, and was used in at least six more straight-to-DVD Seagal movies. This film should be required viewing in high school classrooms.

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I keep referring to Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez in Spring Breakers as “Disney princesses,’ but what this video presupposes is, what Spring Breakers starred actual Disney princesses? “Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter” FTW. |CollegeHumor|

Morning Links
Spring Breakers’ Director Harmony Korine’s Contentious, Hilarious Reddit AMA |UPROXX|

Replace The Fun. Song With Score From ‘Requiem For A Dream, Southwest Ad Becomes Evil |Warming Glow|

Phil Mickelson Does Not Enjoy Your Dumbass Questions |With Leather|

There’s A New ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Game On The Way. It Looks Weird. |Gamma Squad|

McDonald’s F*cking Awesome New Burger |Smoking Section|

Hello? This is Dog House. |CoolDogs|

KSK Mock Draft: Naming Peter King’s Website |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Gucci Mane Fell Asleep During Sex Scene |The Superficial|

Watch this child eat a ghost pepper. |Videogum|

The Curse of the Hometown Premium: Why Ed Reed and Brian Urlacher are leaving their longtime homes |Grantland|

Dog photobombs every photo in Craigslist apartment posting |The Chive|

Paul Rudd Is the King of Dating NBC Thursday Night Sitcom Stars |Vulture|

22 Vintage Photos of Animals Acting Like People |Mental Floss|

Ridiculous Karate Knockout |Clip Nation|

If Obama Was On ‘Arrested Development’ |HuffPost Comedy|

The Rich Kids Of Instagram Present: Cars You Will Never Drive |Giant Life|

The 7 Most Distressing Hook-Ups Of TV’s Favorite Will They/Won’t They Couples |Pajiba|

Fun With Game of Thrones Vectors |Unreality|

8 Cutting-Edge Fashions That Are Clearly Just Practical Jokes |Brobible|

Low Winter Sun: Trailer |High Definite|

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MORNING LINKS
Spring Breakers Review: Many f*cks spoken, few given |Film Drunk|

Frotcast 143: Live From SXSW |Frotcast|

15 Other Classic Albums Recorded At Sound City Studios |UPROXX|

I’m gonna hug him, and squeeze him, and call him George. [via Fck Yeah Dementia]

Sports On TV: Freaks And Geeks’ 10 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather|

Of Course Kevin Smith Ate A 21,000 Calorie Sandwich |Warming Glow|

See How Jurassic Park’s T-Rex Was Made Then Watch Him In Action In Two New ‘Jurassic Park 3D’ TV Ads |Gamma Squad|

10 Rappers You Should Stop Hating |Smoking Section|

Enter Scrapendola |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

10 International Pizza Toppings |Mental Floss|

Whatever happens, don’t say awww |theChive|

West Coast Bias |Grantland|

Justin Bieber Made Me Feel Sorry For Lindsay Lohan, What The Hell Just Happened?
|The Superficial|

Jerry Seinfeld Does Brand New Stand-Up Set |HuffPost Comedy|

The Great Debate: SXSW vs. Sundance |Film.com|

Top 18 Kanye West Non-Rhyme Rhymes |College Humor|

FOX Affiliate Half Apologizes For Using Breasts B-Roll In Story About “Women’s Day” |Videogum|

How Season Four of Community Reveals a Major Flaw of the First Three Seasons |Vulture|

My 25 Favorite People on Twitter |Holy Taco|

Conan Shames Employee Over Espresso Machine |Clip Nation|

Jennifer Love Hewitt Is Maxim’s “Hottest Cover Girl Ever” |IDLYITW|

5 Reasons Why The Kate Moss Playboy Cover Is Gonna Be The Sh*t! |Giant Life|

Movie Marquee Fails |Screen Junkies|

Our 10 Favorite Performances Of The SXSW Film Festival |Pajiba|

20 Dogs That Look Like Celebrities |Unreality|

Brown University Teaching Male Students How to Achieve Sexual Pleasure From Their Prostate |Brobible|

The Science of Hair Loss/Balding |High Definite|

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[via NextMovie]

MORNING LINKS
The Great ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Porn Parody Lawsuit Nightmare Is Finally Over |Film Drunk|

Music Video Breakdown: ‘Toxic’ By Britney Spears |UPROXX|

The 5 Most Insincere, Self-Serving Quotes In The Daily Beast’s Matt Lauer Profile |Warming Glow|

Uncanny resemblance [via Humor Train]

Soldiers Surprising Their Families At Hockey Games Are Just As Good As Baseball Games |With Leather|

Watch These Retired Lab Chimps Experience Sunlight And Grass For The First Time
|Gamma Squad|

Of Course You Want To Watch Drake’s “Started From The Bottom” Performed In Sign Language |Smoking Section|

This Week In F–k You: NFL Reporters Dogging On Free Agency |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

The Hottest Pictures of Old Celebrities When They Were Young |Ranker|

Gettin’ low, down, and dirty once again |theChive|

10 Movie Characters and Scenes Built Out of Legos |Mental Floss|

Sarah Palin’s Writing A Book About Christmas |The Superficial|

Melissa McCarthy Takeover Proceeds Ahead of Schedule |Grantland|

Paula Deen Slo Mo |Holy Taco|

Marc Maron Explains His Awkward Interview With James Franco |HuffPost Comedy|

Everybody Got Hacked |IDLYITW|

We Tasted 7 of the Worst Cocktails Because How Bad Could They Be? |College Humor|

SXSW: Why Sex Is Worse Than Violence & 9 Other Things We Learned About the MPAA |Film.com|

The Evolution of the TV Nerd, From Potsie to Urkel to Abed |Vulture|

I’m Worried About Bam Margera, You Guys |Videogum|

Kristen Stewart Explains St. Patrick’s Day |Clip Nation|

There’s A ‘King Of Kong’ About ‘Wreck-It Ralph’ Too |Screen Junkies|

Would You Wear The Google Sneaker? |Giant Life|

10 Directors Who Haven’t Managed To Top Their Directorial Debut |Pajiba|

The Most Facemelting Dubstep Show GIF Ever |Brobible|

Batman In Classic Movie Scenes |High Definite|

NOMINATE for Comments of the Week. FOLLOW Vince on Twitter.
FAN US on Facebook. SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast.