Thor is Marvel’s latest comic book movie project, but it’s sort of a weird one, because it involves Norse mythology and it’s being directed by Kenneth Branagh, who has a major boner for Shakespeare. And it just got weirder because Tony Hopkins (can I call him Tony? how come no one calls him Tony?) has been cast as Odin, Thor’s father. From THR:
The movie’s story sees the god of thunder Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions re-ignite an ancient war. As punishment, Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans. Once here, he learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends dark forces of Asgard to invade Earth. Chris Hemsworth is Thor and the cast includes Tom Hiddleston and Natalie Portman among others.
Anthony Hopkins, Kenneth Branagh — sources say it may be difficult to insure a film with this much gravitas. Also, I think Natalie Portman is dangerously miscast as a love interest for the Norse God of Thunder.
THOR: “Behold! Let us feast upon this lion I have slaughtered!”
PORTMAN: “Um, I’m a vegetarian? Oh hey, you have to check out this study I was just reading about in the New Yorker that says marriages last longer when the man helps with the house work.”
(Wolverine gets super pissed when you suggest wearing sleeves. It’s already a sore subject for his posse.)
Unlike most of the other Marvel properties, Fox still owns the rights to X-Men. And, as I often say of your mother, that’s a cow dey gon’ milk. Empire recently caught up with producer Lauren Shuler Donner to get a status update on all the planned X-Men spinoffs, including Wolverine 2, Deadpool, X-Men First Class, Magneto, and xXx-Men: Marvel goes Diesel. Just kidding about that last one, but this is Fox we’re talking, don’t be surprised.
On Wolverine 2:
“That’s the furthest along of all the X-Men projects on the boil. It’s actually the story we wanted to use for the first Wolverine film, but [Fox head honcho] Tom Rothman preferred to set the character up with an origin story first. This movie will really focus on the relationship between Wolverine and Mariko, the daughter of a Japanese crime lord, and what happens to him in Japan.
And we wanted an A+ writer, so we want to Chris McQuarrie (Valkyrie, The Usual Suspects). He came in and has tightened the story and got really immersed in the whole thing - he’s in Japan in his head!
Donner added, “He keeps rubbing up against women on the subway, and the other day he tried to buy my daughter’s panties. Someone’s gonna have to talk to the guy.”
The Avengers is Marvel’s answer to DC’s Justice League, a comic book that unites all their heroes into one supergroup, a lá the Traveling Wilburys. Hollywood can barely get a movie with one superhero made, but every year I have to post 20 or 30 of the latest development rumors about one of these projects that never seem to get very far. The latest is that Jon Favreau says he won’t be directing The Avengers, which is the kind of critical thinking skill we wish he’d displayed before signing on to Couples Retreat.
“They’ll have to [find a different director], because I’m not going to be available,” he explained. “It’s something I’m being the executive producer on, so I’ll definitely have input and a say.” “It’s going to be hard, because I was so involved in creating the world of Iron Man and Iron Man is very much a tech-based hero, and then with ‘Avengers’ you’re going to be introducing some supernatural aspects because of Thor,” he continued. “How you mix the two of those works very well in the comic books, but it’s going to take a lot of thoughtfulness to make that all work and not blow the reality that we’ve created.” [via MTV, video below]
I would say that I don’t like the idea of these superhero supergroup movies because each character sort of exists in his own alternate reality, and trying to put them all in one is not only hard, but it can ruin the particular strengths of certain characters. I would say that, but then I’d be a grown man arguing the finer points of dudes in spandex beating people up. What I will say is that as long as we’re doing supergroups, one of the characters should be Ted Nugent.
Apparently Marvel and Paramount are considering converting Iron Man 2 to 3D at the last minute and are currently testing a converted one-minute clip of Mickey Rourke. The following rumor comes from Harry at AICN, so you’ll have to excuse the childlike writing and excessive exclamation points. (!!!!)
One birdy tweeted a secret tweet that put me on the scent [a secret tweet? how is the sound a whistle makes a secret? and how do you find the scent of a sound? does that require synesthesia? oh nevermind. -Ed] - and then I found other birdies to sing the same tune. So I can state that the following is absolutely true, though the final results have yet to be heard.
Right now, there is a 1 minute demo of IRON MAN 2 converted to high quality digital 3D. I’m told this one minute is totally like Kim Basinger & Mickey Rourke in 9 1/2 WEEKS. HOT! Crazy Hot! [they eat food in the sex scenes! that's why it gets me so horny!!!] Right now the Suits at Marvel & Paramount & now also Disney are considering this 1 minute.
At the same time that this is happening, they are fishing for bids with 3 different companies to see what the cost and time it would take to convert IRON MAN 2 to a complete 3D film. This same process is being done to Tim Burton’s ALICE IN WONDERLAND.
(”Squeal like a pig, haha.”)
That’s right, get ready for a Gambit spinoff starring the Bonus Jonas and the dump Miley Cyrus just took, Disney has bought Marvel for $4 billion. Here’s the requisite, ridiculously oblique quote from the press release:
“This transaction combines Marvel’s strong global brand and world-renowned library of characters including Iron Man, Spider-Man, X-Men, Captain America, Fantastic Four and Thor with Disney’s creative skills, unparalleled global portfolio of entertainment properties, and a business structure that maximizes the value of creative properties across multiple platforms and territories [i.e., selling toys],” said Robert A. Iger, President and Chief Executive Officer of The Walt Disney Company.
Translation: “We really like yer cow, so we’re gonna milk it till it sh’ts blood.”
