(Retard Pig loves this movie)
From the website www.DearGodNo.com comes the news that lead role in the upcoming Richard Pryor biopic will be played by none other than Marlon Wayans, who was recently named “the funniest Wayans brother” by Opposite Magazine.
Last February, it appeared as though Eddie Murphy would reunite with his “Dreamgirls” director Bill Condon to [play the lead]. To put it bluntly, things have changed. Condon is still moving forward with “Richard Pryor,” but Murphy is out and so are potential distributors Paramount Pictures and Fox Searchlight. Instead, HitFix can confirm that Marlon Wayans has auditioned and is now in negotiations to play the iconic entertainment figure. Additionally, the film will now be produced by Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison productions at Sony Pictures.
Marlon impressed producers and executives with his dramatic audition featuring two scenes directly from the film.
Oof. “The story of a legendary comedian, from the people who brought you Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and the star of White Chicks” is not a tagline that inspires confidence. Anal leakage, maybe, but definitely not confidence. Then again, you don’t have to be a good comedian to play a good comedian, just a good actor. Here’s to hoping Marlon Wayans is better in this than he was in… well, everything.
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Back in 2004, Marlon, Shawn, and Keenan Ivory Wayans made cinematic abortion White Chicks on a budget of $37 million ($30 million of which was spent on fart noise and record scratch sounders, I would assume). The movie grossed $113 million worldwide (seriously, Earth?). The Hollywood Reporter, uh, reports:
The Wayans Brothers and Sony are developing a sequel to the 2004 comedy “White Chicks,” which will see Marlon and Shawn Wayans reprise their roles as sibling FBI agents posing as a pair of white ladies.
Keenen Ivory Wayans is on board to direct the sequel, which all three Wayans are writing. The logline for the new entry is being kept under wraps.
Yeah, better to keep that log line under wraps. You wouldn’t want to blow anyone’s mind with the wit and grace of what is surely to be the most original, deep, crap-your-pancreas-in-awe plot of all time. Here’s a log line for you: “Guestblogger drops a duece on Hollywood actor’s front porch. Duece becomes sentient and writes a script funnier than White Chicks.”
~ robopanda
Yeah, so there’s going to be a G.I. Joe sequel. And that’s apparently such a minor and unsurprising news item that the LA Times all but breezed through it in a longer article about box office grosses:
[G.I. Joe's box office was] certainly good enough for Paramount to claim victory, however, and start thinking about the future. The studio’s vice chairman, Rob Moore, confirmed that a sequel will soon go into development. The film’s lead actors are contractually obligated to return for another film, though director Stephen Sommers is not.
Well I hope Stephen Sommers doesn’t ask for too much money, and can find time in his schedule between The Mummy 6 or The League of Extraordinary Werewolves or whatever. Otherwise, I don’t know what could happen to this franchise. But as long as Channing Tatums is there to mumble and stare vacant eyed while Marlon Wayans slips on banana peels I’m sure everything will be fine.
It’s fun seeing how much G.I. Joe is going to suck, and in that regard, this latest clip DOES. NOT. DISAPPOINT. This must be some of the finest dialogue ever hastily scribbled on a napkin in crayon.
GENERAL HAWK: [To Duke] You scored in the top half percent of all the people we’ve ever tested. And Rip, if we average your scores with Dukes, you’d pass too.
[Laughter]
AHAHAHAHA, GET IT?? IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THE BLACK GUY ISN’T SMART! LET’S ALL TAKE OUR SHIRTS OFF AND WORK OUT! Later, Ripcord decides to chat up Scarlett while she reads “The Aufbay Principle” – it’s a book about science, because she is a scientist, you see, and scientists read science books while they work out. Don’t let her jiggly sports bra fool you! (the extra ‘T’ in Scarlett stands for “Titties for days, y’all!)
RIP: Look, I think you and me got off on the wrong foot. See, I’m attracted to you, and you, you’re attracted to me.
SCARLETT: We’re attracted to each other.
RIP: THANK YOU!
SCARLETT: That’s what you’re saying. It’s not what I’m saying.
RIP: It’s not?
SCARLETT: Attraction is an emotion. Emotions are not based in science. And if you can’t quantify or prove that something exists… in my mind it doesn’t.
Oh right, she doesn’t believe EMOTIONS EXIST, because EMOTIONS aren’t BASED IN SCIENCE. Because SHE is a SCIENTIST, you see! WOOOF. Man, I gotta find me a redheaded skeptic. They always have awesome jugs.
We’re less than a month away from the G.I. Joe release and the promotion machine is kicking into high gear, probably hoping to squeeze every last dollar out of opening weekend before the inevitable 70% second-weekend drop. The picture above is from a batch of publicity stills that have been going around. Funny how you can tell a movie’s going to suck from a single frame. I see Dennis Quaid’s wearing his blue camo, in case of a sea assault, or maybe green would’ve clashed with his hat. And am I seeing little shiny things on his uniform? What are those, military-grade rhinestones? Ooh, look out! There’s a Borg behind you! And he’s got… a vest and a turtleneck!
