Marley & Me remained “top dog” at the box office and came in “best in show” with $21 million over the weekend.  Bedtime Stories number two even though everyone agrees how much it sucks, Curious Case of Benjamin Button number three, nothing new came out this weekend, blah blah blah who cares (full top ten after the jump).

In a season loaded with wartime stories, two more Nazi-themed films opened in limited release.  Paramount Vantage’s “Defiance” debuted with $121,000 in two theaters for a whopping average of $60,500 a cinema.
ThinkFilm’s “Good” opened with $9,300 in two theaters, averaging $4,650. The film casts Viggo Mortensen as an upright German academic gradually seduced into the Nazi fold as World War II approaches.

Meanwhile Valkyrie has been out for two weeks and The Reader opens in a week.  It reminds me of that book my mom used to read to me when I was a little kid, The Day of Too Many Nazis! On that note, I don’t know where these pictures came from, but I love them. If you have any pictures I can use in lieu of having anything intelligent to contribute to boring stories, feel free to send them on over.

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According to thousands of lazy headline writers, Marley & Me was “top dog” at the box office this weekend.  It grossed a record $14.7 million on Christmas day and “fetched” $51.7 million in its first four days.

The critics, meanwhile, seemed to be split down the middle, with many like Owen Gleiberman calling it “A disarmingly enjoyable, wholehearted comic vision of the happy messiness of family life,” while others, like Peter Travers of Rolling Stone said, “Watching the stars try to out-cutesy the mutt is one for the puke bucket.”  But for my money, the top critic quote prize goes to Kyle Smith of the New York Post, who says:

“It’s a labra-bore.”

Nice.  That’s just the kind of stretching for bad puns that made the New York Post what it is today.  Full top ten after the jump.

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UPDATE: I switched out the banner pic just so I don’t get any crap about ruining the ending of the movie.  So if you care about possibly spoiling the ending of Marley & Me, don’t read any further.  Plus, I think you’ll agree that this is a cute f-cking dog.

FilmDrunkard Stephanie spotted some consistent graffiti around Los Angeles.  I haven’t seen the film myself, so I can’t confirm whether the dog indeed dies.  But if it’s true, I applaud the graffiti artist.  I don’t think my heart could take it if I had to watch the puppy die, so I appreciate the warning.  Because otherwise… I was totally gonna see that movie.  Jennifer Aniston?  Shit, bro, you’d need a bulldozer to keep me out of that theater.

UPDATE X2: Apparently I’ve been duped, “Stephanie” sent these to every movie blog, and this is some kind of PR stunt (sorry I didn’t catch that, I tend to do less research when I’m hungover on a Saturday morning).  Anyway, congratulations, Stephanie, now I hate you and I hope you get face cancer.  Was that the kind of PR you were looking for?

^{I said the bikini top, not the necklace!  Stupid dog.}

Well, it had to happen.  The makers of Marley and Me have finally put out a trailer that isn’t solely about the adorable puppy.  But even with Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson featuring prominently, the dog still seems to be the main character.  It gets them into wacky adventures and teaches everyone a valuable lesson about unconditional love.  It’s basically like if Forrest Gump was a dog.
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Marley and Me stars Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston and it looks like the kind of half-assed Hollywood rom com garbage that makes me pray for nuke-u-lar apocalypse.  Then they had to go and release this teaser, which wisely decided that adorable puppy + Chariots of Fire > Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston.

And then, yesterday in New York I saw the advertisement you see at left (click to enlarge).  God damn it.  This is not fair.  I know this movie is going to suck monstrous sweaty yak nuts, but their marketing keeps striking at my weak spot.  Normally an utterly nonsensical play-on-words tagline like that would be more than enough to awaken my homicidal rage.  But look at that f-cking face.  I would murder the president if the puppy told me to.