A MILF, according to someone who probably squints a lot.

With American Reunion set to be released on April 6, it’s only standard that Universal Pictures would amp up the promotional campaigns to try to milk every last drop out of the franchise’s prostate. Reunion has us checking in on the American Pie gang 10 years later, as they return to wherever it is they’re from for their high school reunion. All the old characters are back, including Jim… and whatever the names are of the other characters played by actors who need this paycheck.

That also means that Stiffler’s mom (Jennifer Coolidge) is back, undoubtedly to seduce Finch again. But even though 10 years would mean a considerable difference between a woman in her late 40s and a woman now in her late 50s, Universal wants to remind us that Stiffler’s mom still introduced most of us to the MILF ideology.

For some reason people think this is controversial, but I think it’s empowering. For starters, we’re rewarding women for being attractive, and that’s pretty much the standard of American pop culture, so there’s no point in debating that. But this also echoes the importance of institutions such as my FilmDrunk Hollywood Cougar Hall of Fame, which celebrates actresses north of 40 who still “keep it tight.”

I’m looking at you, Diane Lane.

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The news last week was that Punisher: War Zone director Lexi Alexander was MIA during the Comic-Con panel.  The rumor going around was that she’d been kicked off the project.  But according to CHUD, the story was all part of a scheme.  A scheme whose needless complexity was equaled only by its complete retardation.

With Punisher: War Zone, all of the signs point to a worst-case scenario: behind the scenes infighting, recuts, honeymoons, studio spin and the like. All the dust kicked up at Comic-Con has got everybody in a tizzy, but a few days ago I had a chance to speak to someone very close to the film, and that contact assured me – without knowing I’m in the position I am to disseminate this kind of information – that most of the drama is a bunch of hooey. Hype. Hullabaloo drummed up to generate more interest in the film. Lexi Alexander is still the director and the cut will be locked in a couple weeks.

I’m inclined to believe this is bogus for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the author’s use of “hullabaloo”, “hype”, and “hooey”.  Just seems like someone’s overcompensating.  But if it is true, spreading the rumor that your film is a hacked-up disaster is probably the stupidest marketing scheme in the history of the world.  Hey, did you guy’s hear about Tony’s Pizza?  Yeah, I heard about Tony’s Pizza, I heard rats shit in the dough.  Well I heard Tony stirs the sauce with his dick.  Dude, my cousin’s friend Steve ate a slice of Tony’s pizza last Saturday?  His asshole fell off.  Psst, you think they’re buying this?  Oh yeah.  By this time next week everyone’s gonna know about Tony’s Pizza.  It will be the most talked about pizza place in the world… *maniacal laugh*