You might remember that in Chloe, Julianne Moore hired Amanda Seyfried to tempt her husband to see if he was cheating, and yadda yadda yadda, lesbian sex. Well now she’s a pretend lesbian again in The Kids are All Right, which opens this weekend.  Jeez, it’s like she’s trying to impress my frat bros or something.  (Psst, it’s working).

Anyway, The Kids are All Right stars Moore and Annette Bening as a lesbian couple (a lesbian couple with no dogs? Pssh, yeah right.) whose high-school-aged children, Mia “Alice in Wonderland” Wasikowska and Josh “Not Spider-Man” Hutcherson track down their sperm-donor father, Mark “My Brother is Dead” Ruffalo (nevermind, poor taste). Quirkyness ensues.  The “quirky family” thing is a bit of an indie movie cliché, but the critics who saw it at Sundance seemed to like it. Except for Armond White, who wrote “[director] Lisa Cholodenko’s films always falter through their obvious, self-congratulatory point-making.”  He’s putting the whole system on trial.  Regardless, the trailer looks funny.  And kudos for using fake lesbians instead of real ones.  Real lesbians have a tendency to get, well, a little too real. Isn’t that right, Lisa Cholodenko?

Sorry, I take it back.  Stereotyping is wrong.

Just the thought of Martin Scorsese directing an adaptation of a Dennis Lehane novel (The Wire, Gone Baby Gone, Mystic River) gives me a wicked fackin nerd bonuh (because Dennis Lehane is from Boston, you see).  Shutter Island (first ever trailer below) stars Leo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Emily Mortimer, Special K Kingsley, and Michelle Williams.

The plot is Wicker Man-esque in that DiCaprio plays a U.S. Marshall investigating the escape of a murderess from a remote mental institution for the criminally insane on Shutter Island. And since it’s set in the 50s, the lobotimize-you-for-PMS era of psychiatry, he’s sure to find more than just an escaped crazy bitch.  And since it’s Dennis Lehane, someone involved is sure to get molested, or is running from their past when they got molested, or desperately wants to start molesting.  Just speculating here, but probably Leo’s character’s motivation is probably to find and molest the man who molested him.

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Hey, kids.  Do you like Wes Anderson and unnecessary voice over?  Then you’ll love the first seven minutes of Rian Johnson’s* The Brothers Bloom (starring Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody, and Mark Ruffalo, none of whom appear in this clip).  It actually started to win me over towards the end. The guy can clearly tell a story, it’d just be nice if he eased off the oh-so-precious elements, like little kids who dress like Charlie Chaplin and talk like Our Gang.  Also: can we stop with the little-kids-falling-in-love plot device already?  If 10-year-old boys are gonna start trying to impress chicks all the time, I’m gonna knock them in the mud and put frogs down my pants just to even things out.

*Says Johnson’s wikipedia page: “Johnson is also an accomplished folk singer.” Gee, you don’t say.

[and sorry about the video, non-U.S. peeps, but there's not much I can do when the only place hosting it is Hulu. Write to them and complain, because it's frustrating for me too.]

^{If you see one movie with bowler hats this summer… make it Sherlock Holmes. But if you see two…}

…Yeah, so that’s just about the gayest headline pun I’ve ever written.  Anyway, after the jump I’ve got the trailer for The Brothers Bloom – starring Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, and Rachel Weisz – director Rian Johnson’s follow up to Brick (which I never saw but am told is good).  It basically looks like Oceans 11 meets Dirty Rotten Scoundrels as directed by Wes Anderson.  Oh my gosh, aren’t these characters quirky?  I wonder if the mark will become the con at the end!

I like how complicated criminal enterprises are in movies.  In real life, 99% of all mob plots consist solely of beating someone up and telling him he owes you money.  So I’ve heard.
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The suspect arrested in the shooting death of Mark Ruffalo’s brother Scott has been released, and the shooting ruled an accident caused by Ruffalo playing with the gun.

Attorney Ronald Richards said he presented evidence to detectives during a five-hour meeting Tuesday night that proved Adham did not shoot Scott Ruffalo early Dec. 1. He said Ruffalo’s gunshot wound to the head was self-inflicted — that Adham was essentially a witness to a game of Russian Roulette.

“This was an accidental shooting by someone that plays with guns,” Richards said. He credited police with being “more than impartial with the facts.”

Richards said Adham, a friend of Scott Ruffalo’s, had gone to the hairdresser’s condo to retrieve keys to her sport utility vehicle, then fled the scene.

“A series of wrong decisions starting with her not staying at the scene of the shooting caused an incredible chain reaction of stupidity and bad luck,” Richards said. He said she received poor legal advice from other attorneys before her surrender. [Yahoo]

Well that’s good.  I mean, not good, but for some reason, a guy that accidentally shoots himself doesn’t seem nearly as bad news as him getting shot “execution style”.  In related news, Nick Nolte recently improved his lifetime Russian Roulette record to 76-3.

Meanwhile, here’s some video of the lesser known game, Peruvian Roulette.