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Marvel just released two new big character banners for The Avengers, aka The Great Joss Whedon Experiment, and they look great, though I wish they would’ve put the Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) frame and the Mark Ruffalo (Bruce Banner) frame right next to each other. That way it’d look like he’s trying to listen to her ass with a stethoscope. Oh, Ruffles, you cheeky ass listener. Can you hear it now? The creak of its supple pert tautness? Oh you better believe he’d science you. He’d science you hard. (With his disheveled penis).

Meanwhile, I still can’t figure out what the hell Hawkeye’s job is going to be on this team. (Yes, I know, “Hawkeye is the surgeon,” hilarious MASH reference.) I’m already taking a pretty big leap of faith with the whole iron jetpack suit, magic shield, hot girl who beats up dudes, and mystical viking who can propel himself through the air by swinging a hammer, but a guy who shoots arrows? I don’t doubt that he’s very good at it, I just want to know one situation in which a bow and arrow would be preferable to a gun. Hmm, let’s see, so it holds half as many projectiles, which take twice as long to shoot, go half as fast, and are made of wood? Sorry, Hawkeye, we’re going to have to replace you. We had to go with “Redneck Man.” He owns two shotguns.

[Yahoo. Opens May 4th]

Entertainment Weekly put The Avengers on the cover of their latest issue and released some official pictures of the cast in costume. They’re mostly pretty boring and not nearly as entertaining as any of Chris Evans’ facial expressions from the last batch of spy pics, but the one point of interest seems to be Mark Ruffalo’s musky, lascivious portrayal of Bruce Banner. Most people are calling it blue steel, and such and such, and talking about how Mark Ruffalo is really, really, like, ridiculously sultry looking. But I get what he’s going for. That’s just his science face.

Science me. Science me raw.

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I love this picture.

Robert Duvall has probably been in more good movies than you’ve watched, and recently, Hollywood Reporter decided to mix things up by sticking him on a panel with a bunch of fresh-faced, booger-cheeked youngins like Baby Goose and Jesse Eisenberg for an actor’s round table.  Flanked by Gosling, Mark Ruffalo, James Franco, Jesse Eisenberg, and Colin Firth, Duvall demonstrated the one thing we have to look forward to in getting older: being candid as hell and not giving a f*ck.

As [David Fincher's] meticulous style [of doing 50 takes or more] was being discussed by Jesse Eisenberg and Mark Ruffalo, Duvall turned to the host and asked, “who’s he? He’s the director?” Moments later though, after seemingly remembering who Fincher was, the actor asked “he’s always been like that David Fincher? How about when he did ‘Se7en’? He got good results from that… I turned down a part in ‘Se7en’ maybe [his methodology is] the reason I did. Subconsciously I knew.” [ThePlaylist]

Then things got downright blasphemous, or at least they would have been if it hadn’t Robert Duvall speaking, who can say pretty much whatever the hell he wants.

“To me Stanley Kubrick was an actor’s enemy.  And I can point to movies that he’s done, that were the worst performances in movies.  The Shining, …what’s the one about — A Clockwork Orange.  Terrible performances, maybe great movies, but they’re terrible performances. How does he know the difference between the first take and the 70th take?  I mean what is that about?  Maybe it’s the new way of working, I don’t know.”

I’m sure it’d edge into Abe Simpson territory from time to time, but I could listen to Robert Duvall tell old showbiz stories for days.  “Thing about Marlon Brando, we used to find week-old sandwiches buried under his fat titties.  I once saw Jimmy Caan punch a whore harder than I’d ever seen, but God as my witness, the next day she thanked him for it,” and so forth.

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When Mark Ruffalo was announced as Bruce Banner in The Avengers, I was one of the few people that didn’t think that was a terrible idea.  After all, scruffy beta male Ruffalo (who comes just before Sam Rockwell on the actors-to-hobos spectrum) doesn’t have to play the Hulk, I thought, just laidback Bruce Banner.  Yeah, well guess what.

In Marvel’s upcoming The Avengers, though, Mark Ruffalo will actually* play the Hulk: “I’m really excited. No one’s ever played the Hulk exactly, they’ve always done CGI,” he told us at last night’s Launch of Farmhearts at Pure Yoga. “They’re going to do the Avatar stop-action, stop-motion capture. So I’ll actually play the Hulk. That’ll be fun.”  [Editor's note: *not actually, but sort of.]

Mark Ruffalo is a better actor than he gets credit for, so I have no doubt he can pull this of– wait a second, did you just say the Hulk was at a yoga party?  Oh screw this. HULK HAMSTRING NOT FLEXIBLE, HULK HATE DOLPHIN POSE!  (*kicks downward dog*)

Can’t we just get Stallone to play the Hulk?   I already read all of his Tweets in a Hulk voice:

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As you may know, the search is on for Edward Norton’s replacement as The Incredible Hulk, and I’ve been busy greasing up my Russian roulette pistol in preparation for the inevitable flood of casting rumors and counter-rumors.  Last we heard, an offer was out to Joaquin Phoenix.  But today, Nikki Finke at Deadline is claiming an EXCLUSIVE (that’s the stage of grief just before “TOLDJA”) that Mark Ruffalo is in “late-stage” discussions to take over the Hulk role.

Imagine the Hollywood actor whom you’d least expect to play The Incredible Hulk in The Avengers, and maybe, just maybe, you’d come up with the name of Mark Ruffalo. He’s always been an actor’s actor and is getting critical raves in Focus Features’ The Kids Are All Right which opened last weekend. But I’ve learned that he’s now in late-stage discussions between Marvel and his brand-new agency United Talent to play this key member of The Avengers ensemble. Like Edward Norton, whom he’d be replacing, Ruffalo would bring real chops to the role. But, unlike Edward Norton, he wouldn’t an on-set assh*le.

She’s right that Ruffalo wasn’t the first person I thought of for the Hulk, but now that I think about it, he’s actually perfect.  Rugged, but not too old; bookish but not unathletic; and perhaps most importantly, understated and reserved, which would provide a nice contrast between calm Bruce Banner and the Hulk, when he starts busting through his clothes and flipping over cars like Stallone on an HGH bender.  It would even more amazing if they could get Mel Gibson to play a drunken, racist, woman-hating Hulk.  But they’ll probably just make him all-CGI again like a bunch of lazy wetbacks.

What?  Yes, CGI wetbacks, that’s exactly what I meant.  Whatever.  I’ll give YOU a dangling modifier.