The Internet nearly exploded with nerdy joy when Hulu made the Criterion Collection available for free last weekend. And sure, if you like “critically acclaimed” movies by “esteemed directors,” those films are pretty good. But what about us folk who enjoy the simpler pleasures of a cinematic trainwreck? Maybe a movie featuring an evil lizard king or a crime-fighting Santa Claus? Fortunately, there are literally dozens of Hollywood’s anti-masterpieces available for free every single day on YouTube. Here are 16 awesomely bad movies streaming in unbroken clips that you can watch right now.

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If I’ve learned anything in all of these years on this crazy spinning rock, it’s that the Internet is a place of many, many, many, many (a million times more) different tastes, and rather than try to understand them all, I should just accept most of them. That’s why when I fell into a Deviant ART wormhole the other day and ended up browsing through something called “morphs” before taking a strange turn into Fat Hollywood, I just said, “F*ck it” and rolled with it. Pun sort of intended.

I don’t really know how to describe this strange exercise in photoshop other than by pointing at the banner pic of an obese Megan Fox and saying, “That.” Basically, from what I can tell, there are a lot of people out there who appreciate the true beauty of some of Hollywood’s most famous and talented actresses, but they’d prefer them to have a little more meat on their bones.

To each his own is what I say, because life is short and we should enjoy whatever makes us happiest. At least that’s a new philosophy I’m trying to embrace these days. So I gathered some of the morphs and FAToshops (trademark pending) of my favorite gorgeous actresses so that we could all see their beauty from a new, well-rounded perspective.

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Glitter star Mariah Carey has reportedly backed out of her role in Tyler Perry’s latest movie, a take on the 1975 play “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf.” The cast currently features Whoopi Goldberg, Janet Jackson, Phylicia Rashad, and Macy Gray, among others. Carey’s decision is peculiar, seeing as this is a guaranteed cash cow, but her excuse may be that she’s too preggers to go on.

Carey, 41, has been married to 29-year old “actor” and “comedian” Nick Cannon for the past two years, and the couple have already denied a farce marriage she beats him that they are expecting their first child. However, Carey’s film and music schedule looks pretty slow over the next year, which is either a declaration of a bun in the oven or it’s a sign of hope that people in Hollywood may finally be seeing the light.

What’s that, NY Daily News? Damn.

The 41-year-old songstress has dropped out of her latest movie just days before filming was scheduled to begin, fueling rumors that the she is pregnant.

“She is not doing the movie because her doctor advised her not to,” her rep told UsMagazine.com Thursday. “More than that I cannot comment further.”

Although Carey and her husband, Nick Cannon, recently denied pregnancy rumors, Cannon hinted in early May that a baby is not out of the question somewhere down the line.

Ntozake Shange wrote the play 35 years ago and has written the screen adaptation as well. The story revolves around 20 black women who are all dealing with a variety of problems. I’d say their biggest problem is that black men keep playing their parts.

*cartwheels, kicks the Sandman in the nuts*

As I reported a couple days ago when two stuntmen received burn injuries on the set*, Adam Sandler is shooting a movie called You Don’t Mess With the Zohan about an Israeli Mossad agent who fakes his death to become a hair stylist.

It’s got Adam Sandler (presumably as Zohan), Rob Schneider, and… Mariah Carey.  The script was written by Sandler, Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), and Judd Apatow. 

With Apatow and Smigel involved, I was hoping that this would be Adam Sandler’s return to comedy form (and it’s a loooong way back after his last few movies). But with Mariah Carey involved I realize that just isn’t possible.  I know she’s got big tits and all, but she’s 37, she’s not an actress, and she probably demands to have her hair washed with endangered caviar and baby seal blood or whatever (suffering = shiny).

In any case, you have to question the decision-making process there.  I’d sooner wear crocs and a sombrero (and nothing else) to my mother’s funeral than cast Mariah Carey in my movie.  And take a dump in the casket.   

^{*When someone burns himself, I find that yelling “Ahh, what a burn!” never gets old.}