Remember that clip I posted a while back from Hausu, the Japanese film about a killer cat painting that vomits (how could you forget)?  Turns out the director, Nobuhiko Obayashi, also directed a bunch of commercials, including this one, part of a series of Japanese Charles Bronson ads for the cologne, “Mandom.”  They harken back to a simpler time, when a man could look like crinkled nutsack with a mustache and still be considered a sex symbol (oddly enough, squintiness is still in fashion — see Josh Hartnett, James Franco, Channing Tatum, etc.).

My favorite part is when he’s just hangin ‘ out, smokin’ his pipe and decides to take off his shirt and pour cologne all over himself.  Jesus, man, the guy must’ve used half the bottle.  No wonder old people smell like sh-t.

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This Japanese [of course it's Japanese] commercial was made in 1970, when Charles Bronson had already starred in classics like Once Upon a Time in the West, The Magnificent Seven, The Dirty Dozen, and The Great Escape, and was yet to star in the Death Wish series.  Charles Bronson was a total badass, maybe because, according to the New York Times, “his family was so poor that when he was 6 he was sent to school in a dress, a hand-me-down from an older sister.”  That’ll toughen you up.  Or get you free candy.  Cool either way.

He was so badass his badassery and badassitute couldn’t be confined to just one commercial.  There were at least eight of these bad boys, including one in which he catches a fish with his bare hands and another featuring him bonding with his, uh, son?  Mmm . . . mandom.

So kick back, grab a pipe, throw your shirt in the air with a flourish, and pour half a pint of cologne on your chest and back.  Now you’re ready to shoot something.  Or smell like Bigfoot’s dick.

~ robopanda