After the jump, I’ve got the red-band trailer for Wanderlust, a film that presents an interesting dilemma. Do you think of it as a studio comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and avoid accordingly, or do you categorize it as a David Wain movie (Role Models, Wet Hot) starring Paul Rudd and co-written by Ken Marino and immediately hand over your money like it’s going out of style? The decision would be a lot easier if they’d put Ken Marino in this more (he’s listed on IMDB but he’s not in the trailer — wait, there he is!), but I think I was eventually won over by the shot of Paul Rudd talking to a giant fly. I dunno, man, I’m a sucker for anthropomorphic insects.
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From the director of Hairspray…

Aw, crap. I don’t know if I–

Based on the hit Broadway musical…

Um, yeeeah, you know, this doesn’t exactly sound like my cup of t–

Starring Tom Cruise…

Waiter! Check please!

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Here we have the new trailer for The Bling Bang Club, in which big-lipped sex symbol Ryan Phillippe, Nordic Eskimo Malin Akerman, and that dude who played Gambit, play combat photographers covering the last days of Apartheid in South Africa.

One second, I’m being handed an update… Okay, it turns out the movie is actually called The BANG Bang Club.  Sorry about that. I must have been confused by the accents.  “Bling Bang” could still be the tagline though. This is Africa, after all.

[Opens April 22nd, trailer via Apple]

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Today in Shocking News You’ll Never Believe, Lindsay Lohan will no longer star as Linda Lovelace in the Linda Lovelace biopic no one thought would ever happen.  While pretending people still or ever cared about this project, “director” Matthew Wilder has announced that Malin Akerman will be taking Lindsay’s place.

Ultimately Wilder said the issue came down to “the impossibility” of insuring the actress “and some other issues.”  “We have stuck by Lindsay very patiently for a long time with a lot of love and support,” Wilding [sic] said. [HollywoodReporter]

While saying that he’d “rather not pick the scab” of Lohan’s firing, Wilder said that finding someone to provide insurance for the troubled actress “was proving a really tough obstacle.” [Perhaps even as tough as actually obtaining the rights to this story. -ed]
When asked whether Akerman had to audition to play the late porn star, Wilder replied, “Oh Lord no.” He added that he believed many moviegoers would be surprised by the “Couples Retreat” star and what he called her “strength and groundedness.” [LATimes]

Really?  Would we be surprised, Matthew?  Because at this stage, it seems like we know as much about her as you do.  To recap, back in May, there were two Lovelace biopic projects in the works.  Actually, there was one, from the guys who did Howl, until this guy Wilder announced out of the blue that he was doing one too, and the only reason anyone paid attention was that Lindsay Lohan was attached.  There was no way that was ever going to happen in the first place, but now he gets to be in the trades again with the news that he’s fired Lindsay from his mostly imaginary movie project.  And clearly his little publicity stunt has worked perfectly, because The Hollywood Reporter didn’t even bother to spell his name right.  I can’t wait for the next story three days from now when someone asks Malin Akerman about it.  “Max Wildmont?  Never heard of him.”

Most of today’s movie news is about which directors may or may not be doing which sequels to movies that aren’t even out yet and boring crap like that. Luckily FilmDrunkard Randy was kind enough to send me the movie poster you see on the left.  On the right, Malin Akerman in Couples Retreat, in which she stars opposite a slew of A-listers.  It’ll be her third movie this year after Watchmen and The Proposal, both of which earned or will earn $100 million dollars plus.  And on the left… Heavy Petting.  From 2007.  I can’t believe that’s a real movie poster.  And just to reiterate, that is actually the real movie poster.  The tagline ends “and the dog that stands between them.”  Yet the dog isn’t even between them.  And it’s just a disembodied dog, it’s not like they would’ve had to make it sit still.

Naturally I also had to find the trailer.  I started watching it, and at first I was all, “I can’t believe this doesn’t have a record scratch,” and then at 2:10, BOOM, there’s the f-ckin record scratch.  Plus it has two whip cracks and a dog covering its eyes with its paws.  Looks like I know what I’m doing tonight.

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